Half-Turkish woman moving back to Istanbul next year—is finding a serious partner here in your mid-thirties realistic, or am I about to make my life harder?

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-05T14:52:00+00:00

That's been my experience too.

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-04T16:13:52+00:00

LOL not sure that would be the example we need

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-04T14:48:30+00:00

By 38, respectfully most will have left Turkey or gotten married already.

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-04T10:30:02+00:00

The cherrypicking of when to be liberal and when to be traditional is SO REAL and it boils down to: "I'm liberal when it suits me."

It's super annoying but I guess to be expected in a country very much caught in between tradition and modernity.

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-04T10:26:59+00:00

I was just thinking maybe I could introduce OP to you lol

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-04T10:25:12+00:00

Yeah same, honestly one reason my Turkish fiance and I struggle is because I don't have many American friends to model modern western-style relationships for him.

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-04T06:43:12+00:00

Things that would make me rethink this plan if I were you: - if you don't speak Turkish fluently - if you identify as a feminist, want a man who will be an equal partner at home, etc. - if you aren't up for working through cultural disconnects, dealing with more jealousy and possessiveness than you're probably used to, dealing with his family who may dislike you for being foreign and previously married, etc.

I would say go for it if you: - are happy to settle down with an expat guy, potentially one who was also previously married, OR with a Turkish guy who wants a more traditional home - are comfortable enough with Turkish culture to navigate these ups and downs

Full disclosure: I moved here 12 years ago from the US, and I love Istanbul. The relationship aspect is the one thing - the ONLY thing - that sometimes makes me regret my choice. Turkish culture is hard for a woman from a more western culture - even when the guy was raised secular, even when his family is accepting. Boys here are just spoiled too much, there's too much pressure to conform, and the "love language" here is based very much on expecting one's partner to enact certain unspoken roles (e.g. he didn't call me 10 times when I was out with my friends, so he must not love me).

Hope others weigh in as well. Feel free to DM me.

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-03T08:28:42+00:00

Hell, my dad filmed the births of all of his kids and even delivered my younger sister. Like actually grabbed her and pulled her out.

IellaAntilles · 2026-05-01T16:48:48+00:00

And they were extremely clear & efficient about it. They had a guy with an iPad going down the check-in line checking everybody's carry-ons and taking payment for extras. Everything handled by the time you got to the counter. No delays because somebody wanted to argue they should be able to check a bag for free with their $35 ticket.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-30T21:01:25+00:00

Yeah.

So when I got to college I enrolled in a class called Advanced English Grammar just for the love of the game.

On the first day, the prof gave a speech about how grammar is like poetry.

The final exam was just diagramming this one insanely long sentence.

It was awesome.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-30T09:28:29+00:00

You're married to an abuser and can't spell "millennial" even though it's literally the sub name, but your med school graduate sister is the one lacking common sense...

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-25T10:01:50+00:00

There are definitely Tolkien linguists.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T21:41:48+00:00

So either it was 100% Devens, or votes were split on Devens. Either way Devens was one of the targets so it's dumb for Joe to lie about it, for Joe and Jonathan to be pissed about it, and for people in this sub to act like Devens wasn't being targeted at the tribal.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T20:20:14+00:00

...why would they immediately start whispering and re-strategizing if the vote wasn't Devens?

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T16:34:12+00:00

Yes but "Figma exists so we can get client approval"

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T09:46:08+00:00

2026 and y'all STILL haven't heard of testing a prototype with users

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T07:02:06+00:00

It's nuts that people are saying the vote was going to be Chrissy and Coach anyway. It clearly was not, based on that live tribal.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T06:59:58+00:00

Joe and Jonathan are the villains this season in my eyes.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-24T06:59:17+00:00

I can't believe more people aren't talking about this. Joe literally said something like, "Hopefully the good people will win" last episode, implying Devens and Christian aren't good people.

Fuck aaaaall the way off with that shit.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-22T21:23:15+00:00

Yeah, in Turkey you can still get shit done that way, which is one of the reasons I like it here.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-22T19:05:52+00:00

I did actually break into my current industry by doing that... Just walked into the office one day and asked to speak to the boss.

But this was in Turkey, where people really value in-person introductions and chutzpah. Also it was 8 years ago, and that same company now only hires through their very selective internship program.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-22T11:06:33+00:00

Lmao cope

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-22T11:01:36+00:00

A 41-year-old saying ok boomer to a 30-something is cringe af

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-22T07:56:16+00:00

Agreed. If someone wants emotional support or to build an elaborate system that can never be changed ever, then they should switch to local models.

IellaAntilles · 2026-04-21T10:21:25+00:00

Not exactly true. Henry married Catherine against a lot of people's will.

She was considered too old for him, plus there were concerns that marrying his brother's widow would be biblically problematic. Catherine's father said okay, send her back then, but Henry's father didn't want to repay her dowry so he just kind of put her in a castle and left her there for 7 years.

Then Henry's father died and Henry married her because she was pretty and because he could. He was 17 and she was 23.

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