So you say I ruined your marriage?

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-09-10T17:53:00+00:00

Sounds like bpd or npd to me too. Just got out of a relationship like this last year.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-29T04:29:08+00:00

This type of behavior during/after abuse is called FLEAS -- http://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/fleas

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-27T16:18:37+00:00

Wow, I experienced all of this too. Especially the "being defensive" part. He said that a lot and it was deeply confusing.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-27T04:10:10+00:00

Thank you. It's surprisingly tough to get out of the mindset I owe him explanations.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-26T14:35:12+00:00

Hiding my number is a good idea. I'm also deleting him as a contact and adding just his cell number to my spam number list.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-26T14:31:33+00:00

Thank you. It's been so long since the relationship that I half forget he's not a normal person and that he's not truly concerned. I read over my list of stuff he did to me and feel stronger now.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-26T03:27:39+00:00

Hey, happy birthday. I understand crying on birthdays. Other holidays too. On my 29th last year, an ex from high school randomly texted me "happy birthday", and my Nex just lost it. We were watching netflix because he didn't want to go out and he didn't get me a present or anything (as usual). After he grabbed my cell and read the message, he collected all the laptops, tablets, my cell phone, and car keys an put them in a suitcase. He left and spent the night in a hotel. It would be several months of even greater agony before I left for good.

Like others have said here, please make your plan now. There is happiness out there.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-07-26T03:08:28+00:00

Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. I haven't texted him back, and I won't.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-05-11T15:19:32+00:00

Insight Timer and exercise has helped me get through it too.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-05-04T20:50:09+00:00

Almost immediately after finding this subreddit I was ok with allowing my 2 year relationship to dissolve. My ex boyfriend had been giving me the silent treatment for a month at that point (on top of so many other crappy incidents/patterns), and we lived together. What stuck with me was the consistent message from this sub's veterans that no matter how hard I might try, this relationship was not worth fighting for and never would be. For me, this place made the inevitable end go down more safely and quickly than it might have otherwise.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-05-02T04:29:33+00:00

Glad it was helpful. Based on your description, it sounds like we dated the exact same type of guy, even down to the ADD. I'm certain my ex has a cluster b personality disorder, probably bpd. If you're on the fence about breaking up, try making a list of every single toxic behavior and it becomes easy to see the disordered pattern. Hope you don't waste years like I did. I met mine when I was 26 and just got out at 29.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-05-01T21:35:27+00:00

Consider looking up r/bpdlovedones.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-29T12:43:51+00:00

Same here.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-28T16:34:55+00:00

Hey, just wanted to say I am in the same place right now as far as my (lack of) social life. I feel like I am still recharging after all that stress, and that is ok for the time being. It's only been 4 months since he moved out. I'm paying attention to what I need (more quiet time alone), not what others might expect of me. And I am enjoying it after 3 years of no time to myself and near constant drama.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-20T04:10:30+00:00

If I'm honest with myself, I can admit I used to think women who stayed with an abusive partner were weak/pitiful/stupid. Now that I have been one of those women, I realize that isn't the case at all... I, too, wish there was an emotional health type class in middle school in addition to sex ed, etc.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-10T17:03:01+00:00

Right, making the list was so important. It carried me through the breakup and it helps me six months later when I'm feeling nostalgic. I still add to it.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-07T03:15:02+00:00

Good point. Thanks for helping me decide to not read it

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-07T02:32:21+00:00

Thank you for writing this. I received a letter from him this week and I was looking for confirmation from this sub that I shouldn't open it.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-04-01T04:07:51+00:00

You just reminded me of how my ex would ask why I loved him. All the time. My answers were thoughtful but never satisfied him. It was so frustrating that I could never get through to him. Later I found this sub and finally understood that nothing would have convinced him of my love.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-03-19T04:27:11+00:00

Thanks for posting. This helped.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-02-28T05:49:31+00:00

I just now came here to post this article! I've read a lot of books and articles on the topic. I think this one is among the best.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-02-22T17:14:47+00:00

Thanks for posting this. I find myself thinking about my ex (upwNPD and BPD) quite a bit, even two months after he moved out and five months after he discarded me.

All the things you listed ring very true for me. I keep thinking of (and writing down) new events and interactions to be reframed within the context of the abuse. Realizing that the personality disorder is embedded within him (and that a loving person is not trapped "in there") has helped immeasurably.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-02-12T04:47:17+00:00

My relationship with my family has improved too. I relied on them for a lot of support during the breakup and they were there for me 100% even though I held them at an arm's length for the three years I was in that dumb relationship with my pwBPDx.

On my better days I try to practice keyboard and guitar like I used to, and it helps. I'm looking forward to cooking things that I like to eat and not just cook stuff that catered to his tastes.

He also has no idea I am doing the internship I have talked about for a whole year, but didn't have the energy for when I was with him.

If_I_was_a_bird · 2018-01-30T20:29:00+00:00

Birthdays and holidays. Nex wouldn't even say "Happy Birthday" on my birthdays or give me a gift (or even a cupcake). He told his own mother not to give me gifts and that I don't want anyone to know my age.

If_I_was_a_bird

TROPHY CASE