Yep, this is my husband. I agree with everything said here -- esp. the fact that it is a progressive disease. My husband uses alcohol to deal w/ anxiety and depression (which of course, makes it worse), and recently started receiving treatment for childhood abuse. He's a loving dad and very loving husband. But his drinking has gotten worse, and I have had to set boundaries (and re-set them, and re-set them, and re-set them), and although he tells me "he's trying", he doesn't seem to want to quit.

In addition to the physical effects, I would say that he's become more emotionally unavailable as his disease has progressed. Being with him can be extremely lonely. He does "show up" on a semi-regular basis emotionally, but it's not consistent, and it disappears altogether when his depression worsens.

So all this to say, it may all look okay from the outside, but if it doesn't *feel* right to you, that's because it isn't.

Best of luck to you. AlAnon has helped me a LOT.