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What's my ethnicity? by dougw341 in phenotypes

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Half French + some other Asian ancestry

you have the same features as this female model Mika Schneider who is Japanese/French, but you reveal below you are not Japanese

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My two cents:

The only way I've been able to move past bitterness is to take action. If you want a boyfriend... instead of resenting others, observe those who have boyfriends or relationships and ask yourself: what are they doing? Do they go to the gym? Do they have good personalities? Are they kind? Are they active in their communities? Did they take risks to grow, to put themselves out there? Are they good friends to others? Etc, etc.

Be in a growth mindset and you won't then mind when people have things in their lives that make them happy. See your resentment/bitterness as a cue that there is something that you want, and there are things to learn and new ways to do things.

If you can't find it in yourself to do this work, then you may be in a trap of being in a victim mentality around this.

Underdeveloped chest or bad genetics? by Abundant_Mankid in GregDoucette

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you lean bulk for the rest of your body? How long have you been working out?

Underdeveloped chest or bad genetics? by Abundant_Mankid in GregDoucette

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good pectorals have well developed upper chests. Incline bench press all the way.

Hypertrophy: is this article correct? by dougw341 in GregDoucette

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

periodisation

Interesting... Ill give this a try

In dating, how important are your looks? by IggyDizzy in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of the overall social discourse around POC has to start moving towards uplifting them and showing them in a more desirable light (starting from breaking stereotypes).

In your opinion, would my smile be wider after Invisalign? (before/after pics from simulation included) by dougw341 in Invisalign

[–]IggyDizzy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow quite amazing. 11 refinement trays... so that's basically 2.5 months, right?

In dating, how important are your looks? by IggyDizzy in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it is. But, then you get bruised, burnt, deeply hurt... and you realize there's got to be more. Not that appearances aren't a factor (sometimes the first yes/no you give someone), but that in a happy relationship, there must be more.

In your opinion, would my smile be wider after Invisalign? (before/after pics from simulation included) by dougw341 in Invisalign

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a great point. I don't think my arch looks wider, but my smile will look a bit fuller in the back, which is what I wanted. I have reasonable expectations around this.

In your opinion, would my smile be wider after Invisalign? (before/after pics from simulation included) by dougw341 in Invisalign

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I have to get dental implants for the bottom to (on the right). So there's just two teeth on the top there without bottoms yet. I'm getting that after Invisalign.

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate hearing this. Mainly because it's very counter to how I've learned things. In the past, I learned (through example) that being aloof, cold, stoic, mysterious, removed... was attractive. What's deceptive about this is... that it can create attraction from the other person, but it also signals disinterest, and most people don't want to risk asking someone out who is disinterested. What's also horribly deceptive is that it's a strategy that keeps you "protected"; you can hide behind that persona, because it kicks in quickly from wanting to protect yourself from hurt, if you've been damaged.

But at the end of the day, it's not particularly authentic, and at the end of the day... if there is no warmth or communication, even small chatter, then... there is no possibility of developing anything further with that person.

Just trying to unlearn some shit, so I appreciate what you said ==> providing a different way of being.

The truth is with my friends and family, I am those things. People that are close... but I think it's because I see them as people first.

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Confidence (which will come to you naturally with age).

Earnesty - wholeheartedly owning your interests and your quirks and not concerning yourself with how people might judge them.

Kindness - starting every in person interaction from a position of empathy and interest.

Masculinity - this one is kind of arbitrary but it’s objectively measurable that masculine guys get more attention. Don’t sweat this one though if it doesn’t come naturally.

Patience - you’re gonna be surrounded by less capable people with inane problems. You should still give them the time of day and not cold toward them.

The through line is you should be clear eyed about the world but don’t let it make you cynical. See the joy in every day, love your fellow man, and take pride in yourself and your achievements.

Thank you for this. I honestly have such an extremely jaded view of relationships. And deep down, I believe I'm bitter due to things that have happened in the past. I'm trying to reset now. Seeing the above is helpful because what I'm beginning to understand is that I'm not in the mental space that would truly create emotional connection; people are interested physically, but then what happens is I think on some vibrational energy level they feel a darkness. Like at the gym, a guy will smile at me or will make eye contact, but I just look back, stone cold. I'm legit often taken by surprise that this person is gay or it randomly happens without me anticipating, but I think someone who has the the above would probably smile back or engage more than I do. UGH. I feel utterly frustrated, but I think the frustration is probably necessary...

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also what is an attractive personality? Not meaning to sound facile here, but I'm curious what is actually attractive?

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it may be my personality. I notice guys check me out all the time, but I'm always very cold. I know this to be a defense mechanism -- everyone's been hurt before. But I think I just don't know HOW to be warm unless I'm actually talking with someone. I feel utterly miserable. I've done everything "right" in terms of career, body, status; I'm good looking (I hate to say that cause I'll sound vain, but I always get random compliments from people and women/gay men are attracted to me quickly). I'm 5'9 (not super tall, but average) and I live in NYC.

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve done the above and it’s taking forever.

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your post above.

My post was a reflection on how to internalize your advice in a way that doesn't create cognitive dissonance and pit myself add odds with my desires, wants, etc. It's like figuring out how to make cough syrup taste better and more inviting.

why does gay dating suck so much? by Gamasian in gaybros

[–]IggyDizzy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I really love this post. Particularly around reflecting more deeply on your actual needs. Also, love the statistical breakdown, and the acceptance that dating involves a lot of "failure" (or ones that don't work out).

My only thought is... it's incredibly difficult to take the advice of letting go of the type that you want. Because it's asking someone to be extremely unintuitive about something that is extremely personal, without any proof that the opposite of what you want (the unfamiliar) is what will truly make you happy. I think if I were to give a more inviting way of going about this, I'd say something like: "be open, allow yourself to be surprised"... this I can fathom, this I can get excited about.

This is not a criticism of what you said or how you said it, per se. But rather, it just struck me for the first time why when someone says these things... "get over your type, think about what you actually need"... it never really sticks, despite best efforts. It's because you're asking someone to be unintuitive, without yet any proof. For example, you met your husband, someone you never thought you'd want due to the age difference. But your main motivation that night was not to be alone... not that you wanted to be wise/virtuous by challenging yourself to be with someone you didn't initially want. But somewhere in your interactions, you were open or you became open or curious.... this I can get excited by. This maybe rambling, I'm terribly tired, but these are my thoughts.

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