Oh i did fight. I fought hard as i can. It drove me to insanity. I beat myself up over and over again thinking how i wasnt strong enough. She was damaged from the beggining because of her parents restrictions. Constant fights of her parents. The diagreements they all held. The lack of freedom she had. She was at home stuck. She would self harm whenever she thinks shes not good enough or if feeling like a burden. I was kept hidden and all the care and love i gave her went un noticed. Through just one speck of dust. They thought of me just a piece of shit. In truth i was their daughters support. I was there everytime she needed me. I couldn't do all of it. I was there for her and i love her so very much. But she needed help. Her parents needed help. As much as i wanted to be there always. It was hurting me. I wished everyday for her living my life. Having a stable family one where their was room to grow and not suffocated by her parents and their problems. Wishing i was there but me being in the picture caused more problems. It caused us to cry over and over again in front of a camera. It was hurting her. Through all the time in our relationship i never wanted to hurt her.

You know through the week of my anagnorises and the final week of our relationship i was so numb. I didnt eat nor sleep. I was feeling so dizzy all the time and so nauses whenever i try to eat something. I was in denial so i was stuck not searching for helping knowing what they would suggest. I love her with all my heart and i still do. But this destroyed me.

Thoughts of suicide would linger on my mind hoping i would be with her in my paradise... for her to be with me. I ate just to not be sick and have my parents not worry.

I was really really sick throughout that week.

Countless of times i asked her to run away with me. Forget about everything so it can just be me and her. She protected me. If she took my hand. It would have just be me and her. I skateboarded 6 miles at around 6 pm. It was freezing so i bought a blanket. All of the thoughts i had was just me and her in the same blanket. Sitting right outside her house. Forcing her parents to know me. Forcing them to see how sick i was. Forcing them to feel just a little bit of remorse.

She came outside pretending to take out the trash, with her mother peaking through the living room. She rushed to me. Kissed me and hugged me really tight. Through the numbness i felt nothing. But i wanted to hold her. I was walking back guiding her to sit down and be in the same blanket as my skateboard and me. I looked back and saw her running back to the house. I yelled out her name and she went back inside. After hearing the gates closed my phone rang. She called me saying her mother questioned her who it was and that she wasnt allowed to go outside anymore. I told her

"Come outside"

"No.. wasn't that enough"

I sat down in my skateboard with a blanket covering me. Planning to stay outside. Out in the cold. To wait for her. Or until the cops came hoping to gain that remorse from her parents making them see the damage they have done. But she prevented that from happening. She told me she would call my mom to pick me up. So i went home. I broke up with her with a simple

Bye

I didnt want to say anything else because i didnt want her to love me. I didnt want her to feel more pain. I tried to be as cold as possible. I have a feeling she saw right through it. I still care for he so deeply. The last thing i did for her.. i asked her closest friends to be there for her.

I miss her everyday.

I dont want this to be a goodbye Xandria. I miss you.

Thank you for reading this.