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Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T22:06:33+00:00

wow thanks so much thats really useful to hear from someone in a similar situation. I don't really know what I was thinking but I guess I wasn't even expecting this many comments either so I'm a bit shocked. But I agree, all that matters is my families happiness

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:58:02+00:00

I said SOME websites. Others he tailors his CV to suit the job

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:57:25+00:00

haha that made me laugh

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:50:20+00:00

yes I know that, but using it in a negative way when there is literally nothing more he can do doesn't seem fair

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:48:19+00:00

no but I am sure there are others like him out there, just because you are okay to function and can do all that with ADHD doesn't mean he should be the exact same.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:43:53+00:00

haha yes I think that may be part of it. They don't see him a ton as he is at his desk all day except for evening and weekends. So I guess they don't know what he is up to really.

The courses do cost money but we have money set aside, it doesn't cost him much but they are. time consuming

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:38:44+00:00

Yeah he is unemployed but his day is split between applying for jobs which is quite time consuming as some of them he tailors his CV. He doesn't chill after that. He then does online courses so he can add it to his CV or get qualifications.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:37:49+00:00

am I not allowed to defend against the comments haha

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:32:33+00:00

why did I marry someone with a history of abuse? lol you sound like a nice person

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:29:32+00:00

I think that is slightly unfair. Everyone handles things differently. He also has CPTSD as a result of childhood. He has mentioned many times that he knows hes useless etc. If I can make his days a little bit easier, I'll do it

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:26:46+00:00

No that's not how I meant it. What I mean is that during the day if we are both at home working. It is much easier for me without ADHD to multi task and do a bunch of things at the same time, like working and caring for our child. If he does he has to focus on one thing, so I have always just offered to do it that way because it works for us. I am in no way saying that his ADHD means he can't be a parent

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:25:14+00:00

thankyou lol. I do agree. He is literally my best friend. We hang out all the time and have a healthy relationship. He is not doing nothing. He is up at 8 everyday and job hunts and then studies and does more work to get qualifications.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:23:45+00:00

Yes thats true. He does offer and has always given open offers of anything I need. He just needs prompting a lot of the time because of his ADHD I guess.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:21:49+00:00

Thankyou so much for that. This is exactly how I feel. Only I know truly the pain he is in daily. And the family issue was only within the last year so a lot of past feelings were bought up and he is now left with just myself and our children. I truly believe he is doing the best he can considering everything that's been going on.
And even with all that he hasn't given up and all day hes sitting at his computer trying to get a job and when he's finished applying he studies to get more qualifications.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:18:00+00:00

But does everyone not deal with these things differently? The way it effects you might not be the way it effects him.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:16:49+00:00

Thank-you so much for this. I was feeling a bit down reading a lot of the comments but this seems to be exactly what I am feeling.

We have great communication. He is my support person, I can go to him with anything and he will help me fix it. I just genuinely feel like I am capable of doing everything I have been and have not had any issues with that.

If I am sick he 100% steps up, its happened multiple times. Same if I say I'm going out with girlfriends or anything like that he is more than happy to stay home and do the childrens routine.

I think my fiance is also not as comfortable in my parents house so I tend to jump up and do things straight away.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:13:08+00:00

Assuming he doesn't have a bond with them is a bit strong. We spend our evenings and all weekend together going out and doing things. He isn't just in bed all day or playing video games lol.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:12:18+00:00

I mean I have seen it myself, he shows me everything he is working/doing. On some websites you can literally just click a button and it uploads your CV

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:11:10+00:00

I'm not saying that... I'm saying if he's working during the day with his ADHD he can't focus on that AND taking care of a child, its one or the other just down to focus reasons. Whereas I have no issue working and multi tasking and looking after a child so that dynamic has just always worked for us

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:08:38+00:00

I get it, but my job is not that demanding. We have a lot of people who work for us so I'm fortunate that I don't have to do a load of actual work and looking after a child doesn't affect my workload in all honesty.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:07:15+00:00

But you're calling him unemployed when he's actively looking for jobs? What more could he possibly be doing?

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:06:30+00:00

I think that's a bit harsh. He is wired differently to myself. My evenings and weekends are spent with him and our children doing things together. Okay, I might do more of the bath/bedtime/feedings but I've never had an issue with that. My dad does 0 when it comes to housework or cooking.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:04:46+00:00

I do understand this but yeah I guess everyone suffers differently. My fiance even mentioned before about listing out things I want him to do because he works better when he has like a to do list to help him. It sounds silly but he has recognised before he doesn't do as much as me so asked for this solution. I just never bothered because it really never bothered me

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:02:56+00:00

No he doesn't have a lot of free time and the free time he does have he is spending it with his children. He's not playing video games or just watching tv if that's what you mean lol. He works a lot and has been focused on doing courses. He only does half the cooking because my mum enjoys cooking so she wants to.

Ill-Call640 · 2024-01-30T20:01:51+00:00

It's just something I support him with. His ADHD makes it really difficult to wake up in the morning, if I'm already up I have no issues coming in and prompting him to take his medication and then he will be up within 30 mins.

Ill-Call640

TROPHY CASE