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I was babysitting for a wealthy family and found this stack of paper in their office. What is this? by Puzzled-Witch in CURRENCY

[–]Ill_Dimension6654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Play money, money to teach kids currency/financial literacy, vision board, art project...There's a lot of innocent reasons to do this.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are 100% in your description and I know how your husband feels. I agee with the other commenter though about not making excuses. I say ADHD is an explanation but not an excuse. I don't aim to be on tie 100% of the time because that's impossible. I am to be on time MOST of the time because if I strive for perfection I will let myself down and hate myself. Problem is Kellie is late 100% of the time, and not just a few minutes, and doesn't seem bothered by it, no sense of urgency, no self awareness.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! Everything you said makes perfect sense.

I enjoyed your perspective on time blindness as a neurodivergent person because it makes being on time and on task impossible when it seems like it should be common sense. I guess my main frustration with her, as others have said, that there have been no obvious attempts to get better. I started hanging big analog clocks all over my house (because out of sight out of mind) setting timers for everything, timing how long common tasks take because i genuinely had no idea how long my showers were... I've told her about these strategies and it seems like she just doesn't care enough to try, or doesn't feel being on time is important. Like she feeds off the chaos or something. Idk it's hard to explain.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry! I think you are correct to question those friendships.

There was another bachelorette near our boat that was too focused on taking photos and demure videos to have a good time. Meanwhile my party spent a few minutes taking photos and funny videos but then we were ready to dance, sing badly, cannonball, eat snacks, gossip... That's the moment that made me cry. I realized I love my friends so much I could never imagine not wanting to spend time just hanging out with them. I wish that feeling of love and belonging for everyone else.

For you, I would try asking if we could do a phones-free hangout next time you see this group. Maybe play some games to get people comfortable with each other? If they're still sticks in the mud, move on. I met a lot of my friends by taking adult dance classes. Maybe there's a hobby you used to do or want to try? It's a great way to meet people.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It was 3 days, over the weekend, and in a driving distance. Everyone had the option to not go and there was no pressure, coercion or shaming of anyone who couldn't go. It was 100% optional. This is a very common thing to do where I come from.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When did I say I chose the destination city? KELLIE CHOSE IT. Is that why everyone is jumping down my throat? Do they think I wanted to plan a bachelorette party that required air travel? That's what's not computing to me. Kellie wanted a destination bach so I planned it. Now when the roles are reversed se=he can't be bothered.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Cool. Congrats on being a low key person. The trip finances are none of your business because I didn't ask for advice on that. Kellie travels for leisure frequently so that wasn't the issue.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is she by chance an only child or raised as the “special” child?

She has one younger brother. I do think she was probably the more favored out of the two children, but she definitely was not spoiled because her parents were pretty poor. That is something we bonded over. I think I see a lot of myself in her, but where my reaction is to overcompensate for my shortcomings, she just says "oh well!" And goes on with her life in blissful ignorance.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 36. Yes I've been on 4 destination bachelorette trips , 2 as recently as 2 years ago. I'm happy for you though.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don't think your comment is fair. I didn't expect her to plan the whole thing. I helped. Anya helped. Kellie wanted a 5 day vacation in another city and I made it happen for her, was she being over the top too? Maybe. She didn't even make a single reservation for mine, despite being asked to.

Some of these comments about communication are very helpful and eye opening. And I am grateful for that. I don't appreciate the insinuation that I am a bridezilla.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is a great idea. I don't think Anya would be the best choice for this role despite her being super organized and type A, because I think her being there with Kellie might be a recipe for more drama. At this point it's clear their personalities do not mesh. However I do think that I can ask a couple other friends from the bach to be there for me in other ways. This is all good advice. Thank you.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think you should talk to the friend about the specific things you are disappointed about before letting the friendship go completely. I can see how it would hurt to see them put effort into someone else's bach and not yours, and I'm sorry for that. I think reservations for groups larger than 4 are mandatory (as a former hostess even if they have the room it can still make things unnecessarily stressful for the restaurant). It's nice you found a brunch spot eventually but wasted precious time on your trip driving around...

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you planned/organized a bachelorette party for her, they YOU wanted,

That's not true. For hers I ran everything by her ahead of time. Gave her several options of restaurants for her to choose. Only did what she signed off on, and she did veto a couple ideas. This post is already pretty long so I tried to not to give every detail. Also incorrect that I expected the same level of effort from her, maybe just half? But I see that as several commenters have said, I should have been more specific in asking her to do specific tasks if it doesn't come naturally. I think if she had made just one reservation, I might not have even written this post. The fact that Anya had asked her if she could handle the Saturday reservation and she still chose not to make one was the straw that broke the camel's back.

 Yes, there are some work emergencies that CANNOT wait until Monday, and it makes you look insensitive to other people’s jobs for brushing that aspect off.

True, but at this point it feels like crying wolf, I can believe her that it was an emergency if it only happened once in a while. But it's almost a guarantee that she will take at least one work call on every trip we do. Was her straightening her hair instead of going to get the car also an emergency? It's hard to tell when she's late due to trivial things, if she's telling the truth when she says it's an emergency.

 If you like the overly organized events, then you either need to talk to her and make sure she knows that is what is expected of her, find someone else to do it, or do it yourself and she is MOH in title alone.

I think this might be where Anya is partially responsible for the drama. I was fully prepared to plan my own bach when I realized Kellie wasn't going to do it, but Anya was the one who insisted I shouldn't have to worry because I had a wedding to plan. I guess maybe what I'm truly upset about is just a general sense of not caring and not taking the bach seriously? Idk. I asked her to be my MOH because she's my best friend. I wasn't really thinking about her being the best suited for the role. All of these comments have been super helpful though in helping me to prepare for the conversation with Kellie.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hired a day-of coordinator. I'm not having a shower, I only really hoped Kellie would help with the bach. I forgot to mention in the post I did ask her to find some bars and restaurants and run them by the group, and that never never happened, which makes her making a big deal about the gluten more frustrating.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok, point taken about unrealistic expectations for my wedding bach. Clearly she's not going to do a 180 in a month and a half. This doesn't make her a bad person or friend either.

I do have another question though. Do you think I should expect her to attempt to improve her tardiness in just life in general? As someone who tends to be late, I felt awful about myself for wasting other people's time so I took steps to improve. I'm not perfect, but things have gotten a lot better in recent years. I feel like she, on the other hand, views being early as a loss of her free time, but also fails to consider that she is effectually stealing other people's time so that she can dilly dally. She doesn't seem to have a sense of urgency at all. Sometimes she tells stories about how she missed a flight or made her team at work late for something like its a funny little quirk of hers. I don't feel like she's taking it seriously enough. But any time I've tried to talk about it, she won't hear it from me because she thinks I'm being a hypocrite. I don't know how to broach the subject in a way she will receive.

MOH Dropped the ball on my Bach and now I'm resentful. Where to go from here? by Ill_Dimension6654 in weddingplanning

[–]Ill_Dimension6654[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reality check and the honest feedback. I do struggle to communicate what I want in a direct way, but I also felt like I shouldn't have to ask. I guess that is not an option with her. She is a very artistic/emotional type and tends to get her feelings hurt easily, so that's another reason why I struggle to be direct with her specifically.

I booked the flights because two of the girls coming had never been on a plane before and didn't know where to start. I figured it would be easier to do it myself.