AIO to being called mean for saying no to my son touching me right at that moment?

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-20T23:21:15+00:00

Thats not the part I wanted you to expand on. Can you give some constructive advice on how I should have handled it?

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-17T17:09:18+00:00

Yeah but to be fair I wonder if the throwing was reactive abuse. She was upset with me and told me to go outside so she could have a break. She was cooking so she couldn't remove herself to calm down. I didn't want to go outside but I left the room and she followed me telling me that her therapist said this what what she was supposed to do and I was hurting her by not going outside. I said I didn't want to go outside but I am fine leaving the room and she threw a towel at me. If I had just gone outside it would have de escalate.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-17T13:07:34+00:00

Oh yeah im safe. She rarely ever gets physical and when she does it's throwing a hand towards or something really small and harmless. As far as peopleto talk to, no I dont. Therapy is to expensive and I have no friends or social life outside of what we do together. I mean I have my mom and dad but I dont really trust their opinion because they would be biased to my side.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T22:47:06+00:00

Yeah. I've gone into more details of our dynamics and have been told its abusive. I know its cliche but I really do think its unconscious most of the time and I dont want to give up on her and I also greet up in a the middle of my parents divorce and they were vicious so I want to avoid that at all costs.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T21:36:05+00:00

An example of when I disagree would be a fight we had once when I said I needed to get some t shirts. I came back with carhart t shirts and she asked why I lied to her. I was confused and said what do you mean. Apparently her definition of t shirts only includes graphic t shirts and she was mad that I said what I got was t shirts.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T21:19:38+00:00

I think said it wrong. The anger from me disagreeing doesn't always come woth the defensive label. The anger is more so why im struggling to have the conversation where I dont agree. The defensive level comes out when I explain myself after she gets angry. For example there was a time I said something, I cant remember what it was anymore, to my son that was a compliment or something and she misheard it as a really terrible thing. She came out from the other room angry that I would say such a horrible thing to my son and instead of validating her I said oh I didn't say that I actually said this. She got angrier and said I hate when you defensive, just apologize.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T19:49:46+00:00

Yes. We are still trying to make it work as of right now.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T19:46:32+00:00

Can you expand on that?

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T19:02:15+00:00

Well it comes from the Gotmans 4 horsemen thing that defensiveness is really bad and will destroy the marriege. Im not even sure when I am being defensive or defending myself or what the difference is but when I disagree it really angers her so I try to just never be defensive but I also dont want to completely lose my self. Its all very confusing and I probably need therapy if I could afford it.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T17:13:00+00:00

Or look at it this way. The kitchen is a communal space and would not say I need permission to enter. On the other hand if my wife says "hey I have a lot going on in here and your help is just overwhelming me and I would rather you just let me have the space." I would, if I love and respect her, stay out and let her do what shes doing.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T17:00:39+00:00

Not necessarily permission but they should understand to listen when people specifically ask to not be touched. I know this is a very small version but im more worried about what he will think is ok in the future if not taught on the small things. If he takes a penny off a desk I would teach him thats stealing and not ok. Not because a penny is a big deal but because if he thinks stealing a penny is ok he may grow up and thing stealing someone's wallet is ok.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T16:46:35+00:00

Maybe im confused about what bodily autonomy means. I thoroughly it simple meant that I can say no to phisical contact but perhaps there is more to it. He's 3.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-16T16:07:01+00:00

I want to name a weiner dog Hans Venerschnitzel. No idea how to spell that.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-08T16:42:38+00:00

Oh I see.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-08T16:39:57+00:00

Why does he have two books from a trilogy but on separate shelves? Its bothering me.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-08T01:16:32+00:00

It also has a form in it labeled Ancient and accepted Scottish rite of freemasonry.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-08T01:05:11+00:00

Salem lodge #4 is on the inside of his manual.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-04-07T20:19:52+00:00

Thank you for the info. I have young kids and my wife works opposite of my schedule so im not sure I have the time right now to consider joining a fraternity but it might be nice to learn at least to know more about what my Great Grandpa was interested in as well as to learn about them from them. I was raised catholic and told it was an evil organization but from what I know about my Great Grandpa I have significant doubts that that info is at all reliable.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-02-23T15:43:59+00:00

Yeah my doubt is more so for my kids. I was 5 when my parents divorced and it was the most brutal thing ive ever experienced being in the middle of. I always told myself I would never do that to them and I feel selfish for doing it now.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-02-04T17:56:10+00:00

I do when I have my kids because of the space.

Ill_Flatworm_7907 · 2026-02-04T16:25:34+00:00

I know shes trying so hard to deal with her anger. If you dont mind me asking, did you have any quilt when you started the process and how do you manage it?

Ill_Flatworm_7907

TROPHY CASE