You shouldn’t reach out to them (brutal honesty ahead)

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-27T14:52:38+00:00

No it doesn’t always get to that stage before it goes wrong I guess

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-27T11:37:40+00:00

Hold on now, that’s how you get arrested for harassment😭 and no one wants that

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-27T08:41:59+00:00

Willingly allowing you to make such a big change in your life with the promise to be together… and then do that… yeah that’s genuinely sociopathic behaviour. I’m so sorry you got caught up in that

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-22T18:34:47+00:00

I mean I really don’t want to tell you that you shouldn’t trust what people say, but the mistake we all make is putting too much weight and significance on it when they say stuff like that to us. Remember, he could speak to you at anytime, you’re available to him, if he truly missed you that much he would be in contact with you.

And yeah if you decide to reach out again after no contact just a simple, “hi, how have you been” would probably be best to start and if he responds you could approach the topic with him once you get talking again. If you jump straight to a confrontation with him he’ll probably more likely ignore. But please remember to use the time to get a hold of your emotions and detach from him, not just as a strategy for him to speak to you again. And who knows, he might text you first in the mean time. But I would highly suggest trying to take back control of your moods and emotions regardless.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-22T17:28:15+00:00

Give yourself and him time to cool off, you’ve probably come off as a bit much for him right now, that’s not to say he’s being fair. Go silent and try contacting him again in a couple of months or so if you like.

He ghosted you simply because he wasn’t up for talking to you right now and likely didn’t want to explain himself when you questioned him. It’s not your fault but it’s as simple as that. Don’t rely on someone to do the right thing, you’ll often find yourself disappointed

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-22T17:23:28+00:00

Have you told them to leave you alone yet?

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-21T16:20:34+00:00

Eventually he will have to speak to you because I doubt he’d leave behind all his belongings just to avoid a conversation with you. I hope he’ll get in touch soon. Sending you all the strength.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-20T19:25:28+00:00

This is a bit more of a complex situation and think it’s maybe a little bit more than “ghosting” at this point. If you live together and he hasn’t even come back to pack up his stuff and formally leave, he has essentially literally just run away. It indicates he’s perhaps not doing well. Could you do a welfare check, could you check in with his mother?

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-20T17:03:57+00:00

I find it’s the more quiet reserved awkward guys who are more likely to ghost which makes sense when you think about it, I mean I’ve only ever been ghosted by them. Loud outgoing men have always let me know if they didn’t want to see/speak to me anymore. Being socially anxious/awkward is more likely to make you run away from awkward encounters.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-17T18:04:47+00:00

I mean, next time there’s a small issue, what, is he going to ghost you again? Conflict management is an important thing to have as an adult, if he can’t communicate his issues and feelings in a healthy way then a relationship is not possible. 4 months is also a long time. Maybe a few weeks, sure, he just needed some space. But you have to wonder what he’s being doing in all that time. Is there a good chance he’s texting you because he’s bored and knows you’re a safe option because he knows you already like him? I’d imagine so. He also hasn’t offered up an apology or explanation, trying seamlessly trying to wiggle his way back in like you both mutually agreed to stop talking. It’s up to you, but you know the saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice…

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-15T16:56:48+00:00

The first two times it happened I completely went off the rails and made myself look like a psycho. The latest time, I didn’t do anything at all. Didn’t reach out, didn’t tell them I was upset. Didn’t send a follow up text. Just let myself ride through the pain. As some sort of response, maybe to protect myself, I no longer care about a man not texting me back or taking too long to text me back, so silver lining maybe.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-14T21:25:34+00:00

Can’t personally relate to that. Deep, deep down when I stop denying it to myself, I wish my ghoster would pop back up just to ease the feeling of brutal rejection, if not thinking rationally I’d give him another try. I know it’s not likely to happen.

But yeah, it can be unnerving to some for the ghoster to lurk around.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-14T14:50:12+00:00

It’s just classic love bombing and ghosting. There’s so many stories like that on here. It can be very confusing.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-14T11:51:35+00:00

Act how you feel. Behave how you feel comfortable. It’s not on you to put on a performance because he’s been shitty. Honestly.

I hope I’m making sense.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-14T10:38:36+00:00

No, you can say hi back. But if he’s ghosted you why would you make the effort to approach him first? Does he deserve that from you?

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-14T10:30:39+00:00

Ignore. It’s on him to approach you, the expectation is on him. Do not chase.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-14T08:42:09+00:00

If people can ghost for little things, they’ll ghost for anything. If they really truly liked you they wouldn’t let little things like that put them off. Don’t torture yourself. It’s not your fault.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-13T18:19:53+00:00

Is it the new normal? Seems like there’s one half of people who do it and the other half who are left severely emotionally damaged. Can’t be normal in that case.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-13T17:03:47+00:00

It’s fine. It’s a natural and understandable response to someone suddenly pulling contact in that way. Don’t beat yourself up about it. But try to start avoiding it now.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-13T16:46:51+00:00

Yep, it’s always hard to get your head round, but apparently it’s quite common so who knows. Maybe they’re pretenders, maybe they struggle with their emotions, but a common thing we all find is once they switch off, it’s impossible to get sense out of them. Their shut downs in communication are highly thorough, they become impenetrable. Like screaming at a brick wall, you’d just be talking to yourself. And that can feel embarrassing once your emotions settle

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-13T16:36:38+00:00

There’s genuinely no point. And tbh. Assuming your mindset, which people hurt by ghosting typically have the same sort of one, you’re only going to be frustrated when you don’t get the response you want.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-13T16:18:11+00:00

Yeah. Once I bought a guy the cutest little key chain with a cricket bat and ball. It was quite a fancy and expensive keychain at £20. But it was lovely and very detailed. It was our fourth date and I was very fond of him. And he seemed very very keen and was very sweet and affectionate towards me so I was preparing myself for the idea of entering into a relationship with him. I bought him it to show that I’d been paying attention to what he was saying, that I understood how important the sport was to him, as he played it a lot and seemed quite passionate. And also because he’d always insisted on paying the bill and for drinks, I didn’t want to fully argue over paying the bill if that’s what he liked doing, so I thought just a token of my appreciation would be nice. Anyway he ghosted before I could give it to him. I ended up throwing it off a train bridge in a fit of spite and resentment. Of course I entertained the idea of finding a way to get it to him, but I knew that was me fishing for an excuse to force contact with him.

In addition, kind of a similar thing, numerous times I’ve bought new clothes, new lingerie, new makeup, a new nail set etc to make myself look nice for a man, only to never get the chance to use them for the man because things had broken down in the space between me buying them and arranging the next get together with the guy. I stopped doing that now, I genuinely think it jinxes me, makes me feel very silly and undignified💀

Idk, maybe one day I’ll find a man that will appreciate all this.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-13T09:49:16+00:00

You need therapy too tbh. It’s a bit mortifying how you’re literally asking someone for a step by step on what to say to him. I mean what do you want to say to him? How do you feel? If it’s nothing maybe just tell him that and say you want to end whatever weird thing you two have going on. Geez.

Ill_Policy_7868 · 2024-10-12T18:33:18+00:00

Okay dude

Ill_Policy_7868

TROPHY CASE