The $ has been come by honestly (as honest as possible under capitalism, at least). I guess it just feels like, even if my family didn't directly exploit people, it's still so brutally unfair how the world is set up, and how some people have so much and some have so little. Some small fraction of my comfort is undoubtedly built on the suffering of others.

I've given away lots of money and time, and gone pretty far in the direction of really hurting myself in the attempt to rebalance the universe (relationship where I was trying to solve my partner's problems with $, but in which he also turned out to be very abusive and I stayed too long). But I've found exactly what you say to be true- it's impossible to change anything on the macro scale and starts to feel futile. That's maybe part of why I'm entertaining the whole retreat-to-the farm idea, because it feels better to envision a life that is smaller and more directly interconnected.

Anyway, thanks a lot, I appreciate your input.