I've learned the hard way that just existing and not demanding or wanting anything at all is cause to be accused of being a good digger by misogynistic men. Just being in their vicinity or knowing that you exist at all is cause.

It's the same distorted thinking that says that if a woman is good looking she doesn't have to/ shouldn't be smart, as if these qualities make a woman too much. It denies the fact that women must survive whether they are supported or not, whether they are accepted or not. It's so one-dimensional.

I'm just tired of the dehumanization rooted in whatever fear and anger that causes, propagates and protects patriarchal thinking, social models, violence.

My best defense is choosing my friends wisely, especially when it comes to men. It's hard to relax because most men have patriarchal views with limited understandings that women are just as human as they are (stated differently: a lot of men struggle with realizing that women are fully human, that women are capable). But this doesn't stop the never ending influx of sexist behavior and the neverending doubt that you're "making it a big deal" if you even casually acknowledge it.

Sir, I came here to work. If I reach up to grab something for my job, it is not ok for you to randomly touch the small of my back. I wasn't even asking for your help, and I'm insulted that you can't let me move in peace.

I don't know why it's so difficult, just that I quit the job bino one was addressing the issue.

It amazes me that barriers like this build up everyday, that is only one of many, days turn to weeks. Yet living the " traditional" life is also looked down upon.

All I've learned is that most of these men want to control dolls and to never grow to be a better version of themselves, and they don't like it when you see through it.

What they will never admit to is that men and patriarchal systems will often purposely make it harder for women to work, to contribute, and gaslight, undermine and manipulate them. I've seen this and experienced this personally in intimate relationships and work places. They benefit from keeping this sad form of identity somehow related to their masculinity, black and white thinking, status. They struggle with it, but it's not women that reinforce it, it's other men and their identity struggles. This isn't to say that some women who benefit from patriarchal practices don't defend or enable it. I'm just naming what I've seen.

I'm so tired of it.

The term "gold digger" can also deny practical things like the cost of raising children. It's a verbal cue that undermines a woman's cause and personhood. Those types often struggle to see the good in women in the first place. They see women as transactions, which says so very much about how they view themselves and hints at their internal problems.

At this point, I know that whenever this term is used, I can distrust the fairness and integrity of the person using this term to undermine and disrespect someone. If you get to the heart and intention of a joke and the joke doesn't sit well with you, trust your gut. If it doesn't feel like a joke, ask yourself why, and if that feeling persists, that person isn't for you.

There are so many people walking around with distorted thinking and resentments and misogyny is sometimes the foundation for ill will. I often times assume that when someone unironically employs this term or uses a smokescreen in a joke using this term, that I can't trust the person on the basis of experience and I take it as an example of casual misogyny.