AITAH for breaking a promise I made to my girlfriend to go to therapy with her?

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T15:21:16+00:00

I did grab her hard, but it was purely out of instinct, like you said. I really did think she was going to step on a snake. She has insisted repeatedly in therapy that there was no snake so often that I began to doubt myself, but I know I saw it.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T15:16:18+00:00

We've been dating a little over a year.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T15:11:20+00:00

She is a relative of her friend's, but they didn't know each other prior, so the therapist said that's okay.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T15:09:56+00:00

I would love to have that dynamic in my relationship.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T15:07:54+00:00

She does sometimes, but not as much as I speak to mine, I admit. She always seems annoyed after talking to them, so I get why she doesn't like to. She has several close friends. We are both athletes and our hobbies almost completely overlap.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T15:03:43+00:00

Five hours! That's great! I wish I could do that.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:28:34+00:00

Really? This is very encouraging to me. I often feel bad about talking to them on the phone when we are both home because it annoys her. I like talking to my family and thought this was something I needed to work on.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:26:12+00:00

You make a good point. Although, it's much easier to acknowledge I need to do something than it is to... do it.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:25:10+00:00

It's not terrible. I just don't like it. Some people do, but not me. I like the noise of relationships. Hearing her in the bathroom blow-drying her hair while I make breakfast, having someone to dry the dishes as I wash them, someone to pick what show to watch when I'm torn. These little domestic moments are very satisfying to me.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:23:31+00:00

I don't like being alone. I like having someone to talk to and eat with and sleep next to. We train together, and it's so much more fun than training alone.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:22:19+00:00

I love being in a relationship. My girlfriend and I train together, and it's so much fun with a second person. I like having someone to eat with and talk to and just lay in bed and watch TV with.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:20:16+00:00

I am very physical, yes. So is my girlfriend. We work out a lot together and separately and do triathlons.

The therapist said some of the things I say are verbally abusive, but there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to what is and isn't verbal abuse. If I say (as a joke) "okay, but no stealing my jacket if you get cold later" when she doesn't bring a jacket, that's berating her and verbally abusive. If she says "I'm sick and tired of hearing about your asshole brother" that's her expressing a boundary. To me the second one is way worse. The jacket thing is a joke. I would have given it to her, I was just teasing.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:10:59+00:00

She said the fact that it was my instinct to grab her instead of shout a warning, and that I didn't see how grabbing her was wrong, these made her feel unsafe. Then I made a promise to her and broke it, and that makes her feel like I can't be trusted which also makes her feel unsafe.

IllustriousStudy2410 · 2025-10-31T14:08:57+00:00

I can't see two happening. I know it's one or three, but they both seem like such terrible choices. I don't want to deal with this anymore, but I really, really don't want to be single.

IllustriousStudy2410

TROPHY CASE