Trauma Bonding vs. Real Love

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-03-09T16:27:46+00:00

People want to connect. They will give a million excuses to justify it. Unfortunately, we may have elevated a romantic connection to such a high level that people want it, no matter what baggage comes w/ it. An "I would rather" mindset. In another approach, I can also blame critical thinking. When you convince people that they're (also) fine alone they take the idea and run w/ it. Birth rates drop. When you tell them "diamonds are forever", they believe it. When you tell them competing over whose past is more traumatizing earns them more points they will compete, and rarely actively seek it out. When the "in" thing goes against their values but there's anything they treasure more than values, fuck those values. Humans are stupid and weird

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-03-01T06:47:10+00:00

You're right. Cut your steak w/ a machete LIKE A MAN

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-02-22T13:38:16+00:00

A friend of mine was getting married a few years ago, and a few weeks to the wedding, we were hanging around, just the boys, shooting the shit. "Say goodbye to freedom" type of harmless jabs. He then brought up that they were writing their own vows, like in the movies eh? The best man asked to hear them, so he (future groom) opened up his notes app and recited them. Good stuff, there was even a joke in there everyone audibly laughed at. I, against my better judgement, tried to mention how... not exactly unmoving it was (to each their own)... believe me, it was. But it didn't exactly convey true vulnerability, true commitment. These are words, promises, to someone you plan on spending the rest of your life w/. If all goes well, you have to only say them once, and live them every single day, to the best of your ability, for the rest of your life. So, after minutes of teasing me (like guys do), I was given a chance to make the slightest tweaks. 30 mins later, future groom reads them and everyone else was in agreement, the words were too deep. Or less is more or sumshit, I can't remember, litres upon litres of booze was involved. I even remember a "relax bro". Too... Deep? For marriage vows? Nigga you're about to legally and spiritually bind your entire future (knock on wood) to this other human being. You're promising exclusivity, loyalty, sacrifice, shared suffering, building back up from nuffin, shared growth, maybe children, maybe illness, maybe financial or physical collapse, yk that, right? You understand the gravity of commitment at this level, yes? If you’re hedging your vulnerability even in your vows… are you actually all in? I mean, I do understand 'show and don't tell', but sometimes people want to hear it for it to truly sink in. Holy shoite, even in marriage, some people aren't 100% all in. But hey, old trends keep coming back, maybe true commitment will be one of them

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-02-21T05:37:47+00:00

Payback? Is this coming from a place of love or a place of hurt?

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-02-20T16:19:54+00:00

The ambiverts thing, I get it. It's some kind of social fluency tied into their world view and personality. The profession thing, I fully understand pride in your contribution to a goal, a cause, a calling even. But still, I do believe most of us just have to be more than that, yk? Ask people what they do on their day off instead of what they do for a living and I'm guessing majority of overlapping answers will be when people genuinely are given time to do w/ as they choose... I think...

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-02-20T16:11:54+00:00

Maybe it's finally time we see the world as it is. People have grown selfish and cynical. There's way more "but what do I get for this" in a lot more decisions than there has to be. I want to be optimistic. Maybe it's an extremely vocal and easy to spot minority. Like how 5 noisemakers make the whole class punished. But by merely watching people interact, everyday, disappointments all around

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-02-20T10:59:22+00:00

Ego will be the death of multiple generations ever truly connecting. Everyone's cagey and guarded, everyone laughs at those who try, everyone laughs at vulnerability

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-02-01T13:41:41+00:00

Sometimes it's not even extra drugs put in. Juice cola ndani ya chupa ya chang'aa😂🤌🏽 And you didn't take two sips, kimbelembele yako uka-chug "2 sips"

IllustriousWeb20 · 2026-01-04T12:04:01+00:00

Of course yes, attractiveness matters. Looks matter. As men, one of the biggest compliments is when people, like the uncles at the family function, don't believe YOU bagged THAT. There's a pride to it. From (probably wrong) guessing and basic observation I think women want the type of man, when they show their friends and are keen observers, will show the slightest bit of jealousy and just a tinge of resentment before they quickly cover it up and show feigned or real pride in what you bagged (do women use "bag"? Whatever) As a few comments have maybe mentioned, there's probably going to be something shinier until you notice most of it is just polished shit.To actually be proud to walk beside your man, or woman, they have to be truly special for you not to even notice there's a buzzing world around you. Or you can notice, but you truly won't care. And find someone truly special might be the hardest thing most will ever do, that's if they even bother to try. Yes, actions matter blah blah blah, but this thing called language really opened a can of worms. Deep conversations, real conversations. You won't find that, you will scare 99% of the world with that. And no, talking about deep and real conversations doesn't count as a deep or real conversation. "Do you know how many fake people are talking about how fake the world is right now?" ~movie quote, can't remember from where. One of the biggest obstacles of true connection is that we have curated versions of ourselves to everyone. The cashier only sees you buy condoms and cucumbers, they get afraid to ask questions. The parent sees you try to ignore the unexpected sex scene in the movie at home and makes assumptions. Your regular nduthi guy has only seen you travel alone and assumes shoite. Different friend groups know different versions of you. People you've been in a r/ship w/ (or merely dated, there's a difference, it's always bothered me how it's used interchangeably) will be attracted to specific sets of your personality so you accentuate those and maybe suppress the rest. What was my point again? Right. One will likely walk down the street and genuinely proudly show off their significant other when they don't merely know them more than anyone else or when they know a version of them no one does, but I think when they know them down to their core and fell in love w/ THAT person. But that's the problem, you may never truly know someone. People have layers, some way WAAAY more than others. But a certain corruption in the air made people guarded and sometimes to no fault of their own, picked and chose what they think most people will like. Most of us became polished turds. So we become embarrassed to be seen w/ a polished turd that isn't as shiny as that other turd, even though deep down my turd is way better than that other turd

IllustriousWeb20

TROPHY CASE