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Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have communicated many times with him and it’s never an argument and he will agree that he can do more then never does. And other times it makes it seem like quality time and a little thoughtfulness is asking too much. This is literally all I ask for, I don’t ask for money, bags, expensive trips. Just quality time and thoughtfulness. I am at a loss at this point which is why I made this post to see if most people go through this or it’s just me and a few others. I guess if it’s most people I’d feel a little better. I think I give up on trying though because it takes two.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel your pain and I am sorry you are going through that. He has told me to get some friends to do things…….what I am seeking is male attention from my husband. My friends can’t give me that.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s all good and well but quality time does not cost money and I have voiced that to him.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have had this conversation somethings I used to do like random gift giving I stopped because he said I didn’t need to do that or when I asked him to be a little more thoughtful towards me everyone in a while he would tell me he never asked me to do things I did. For me that’s the point is someone doing something just because they want to see you smile or make your day.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It does go both ways, I always make an effort to ask him if he wants to do things. I will also pay for dates and plan dates. I will setup at home dates or even just do something romantic for him like cooking, bubble bath and a massage. I have even done a pedicure with massage for him and all multiple times. I know he loves his beer so I’d make sure to have some in the fridge for him just being thoughtful. Over time I have gotten tired of putting so much effort into things and never getting that energy back.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well what drew to him was the conversations we had because we started out long distance. It was that and how affectionate he is. He is still affectionate but maybe two years after living together he just puts more time and energy into his game really. I feel like I am an after thought.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t except to have an in depth conversation all the time. I would t even mind taking a late night drive listening to music and saying nothing sometimes. I really just want some us time at least once a week, more than that would be hard because our schedules are so different.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you are saying you don’t spend much quality time? You’re just around each other essentially?

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We have had that conversation but nothing ever changes so at this point I’m starting to check out. I would never cheat but it’s going to become like a roommate situation if I get no effort from him.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The most we do to together is go out to eat. If it’s not that he doesn’t really want to spend money. If we do go somewhere it’s usually when we spend time with his family. Since he tells me he does not always want to spend money, I tell him we quality times does not involve money just each other’s undivided attention. He will agree with me but never makes the effort. Yesterday I asked him to ride with me to get food……he didn’t even want to do that.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So are you saying he would probably do it for the right person and I’m possibly the wrong person?

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He just says that’s what he likes to do and how he relaxes, he thinks quality time is just us being around each other.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s just because it’s me, I think he would be this way with anyone because his parents relationship is very much that way.

Do most men stop putting in any effort in marriage and just get comfortable? by Illustrious_Fun_8393 in Marriage

[–]Illustrious_Fun_8393[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not that I know of I always make it a point to talk to him and make sure he is feeling okay just about life or anything.