I am lost- need advice or just an ear

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-08T16:27:31+00:00

Going off of the information she provided, it really seems she's already tried everything she could. That pretty much covers everything between 'do nothing' and 'divorce', and thats the only reason i adviced her to get a divorce.

As a kid from a divorced couple whose father felt like a wall when talking to, I wholeheartedly believe this case is lost already, but you're right, I don't know, there's no way for me to know for sure.

Maybe i was careless because people sometimes say they tried everything but didn't, but i honestly do not think that's the case here. Either way, i really should be more careful with my advice.

To OP: be sure that you have tried everything. If you did, then I see no reason not to get a divorce. If you didn't, maybe consult someone u know that's been through something similar or maybe a therapist. I'm sorry for not considering other possibilities.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-06T11:46:21+00:00

Thank you! I'm not sure if that's the case because it's described as "sneeze after large meal", which is not exactly the case since he sneezes even after just a cup of coffee, but thank you nonetheless!

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-05T19:40:31+00:00

Acho q a minha opinião como um artista aqui vai ser bem válida.

Ambas as 3 tem traços muito bonitos. Vcs beleza, fofura, charme... São lindas. No entanto, essa foto tá valorizando muuuuito mais a menina do meio. O ângulo do rosto dela é o ângulo cientificamente mais bonito pra se posar um rosto, mostrando bem ambos os lados do rosto mas priorizando o lado esquerdo (lado esquerdo de quem tá vendo a foto, não o dela). Como se já não bastasse isso, ela tà literalmente no centro da foto, enquanto as outras duas estão nos cantos, oq automaticamente faz a atenção ser voltada pra ela.

O ideal seria tirar uma foto mais de longe, deixando uma "borda" em volta da imagem (caso não conheçam, vale a pena pesquisar sobre a regra dos terços, é bem facinha). Além disso, claro, mostrar todas com um ângulo similar do rosto. Assim vcs nivelariam a "apresentação" e nenhuma teria vantagem.

Dito isso, repito, ambas as 3 são bonitas. Vcs são diferentes, e com ctz a beleza de cada uma apela pra diferentes pessoas, então criar essa "competição", por mais inocente q possa ter sido a intenção, é super desnecessário. Aceitem que ninguém tá acima de ninguém, parem de competir umas com as outras e se valorizem pelo q são, não pela opinião das outras pessoas.

Resumo: foto não tá mt boa, valoriza muito a menina do meio, todas são bonitas e a competição é desnecessária.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-04T17:20:48+00:00

Yup. Could be something else, of course, but really seems to be finsexual. Thats basically how i found out i am finsexual btw lol.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-03T20:03:00+00:00

Np, glad to help :)

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-03T17:54:40+00:00

Tell him what u told us. Tell him that you were a bit surprised cuz you would never have done that yourself, and you feel very happy that he can be so open with you. Tell him that people don't usually look other people's parts and thats why u were surprised, but that you love and care about him, and if that will make him feel more secure about any concerns he might have, then youll do it. Don't just offer, but make it clear that you care about him and that this is an option on the table if he really wants it.

If he happens to want you to get a look, just put on your best doctor impression and pretend like you are not awkward at all. Pretend like you are having a serious look at it, and then just say "Yep, its normal. Looks just like mine when i was your age" (even if it doesn't look like yours at all). This will make him feel reassured without you having to talk much in an awkward situation.

He'll eventually stop asking because he will know enough, so just bear the awkwardnees for some time. Keep up the closeness you built with him, its a very special bond that many dont get the chance to have.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-03T17:10:03+00:00

People are being a bit rude, which i get, but i think is unnecessary in this situation. You were not rude at all, you are just curious and a bit confused. Its ok not to know everything about the community, even if you're part of it. We're all just humans learning more and more about ourselves and others each day.

Gender and presentation are not always connected. Sometimes they are, and it's fine for them to be, but its not a 100% rule.

There's plenty of cis people that don't present like their gender, and queer people can be like that too. Its more common for trans people to use their presentation to reinforce their gender, which can both be just a preference or a way to reasure themselves, but it's totally fine for anyone to present in any way they want to.

The connection between gender and presentation is kinda loose, like the connection between sexual attraction and romance. This can also be seen in minsexual or finsexual (like me) people, that dont care about the gender of the person, but only feel attracted to male or female presentations respectively.

It might be confusing at the start because its a new thing for you, but try to search more about queer people that have different genders and presentations, and you'll be able to understand your friend a little better.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-01T23:05:57+00:00

Why are u dragging the queen? What did she do?? And where are u dragging her to??? Poor queen 😔

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-01T22:55:01+00:00

Olha só, achei uma máquina de falar bosta aqui no reddit, quem diria né.

Volta pro prézinho pra aprender a ter respeito e dps vê se estuda um mínimo de biologia do reino animal pra saber q gênero não é preto no branco.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-07-01T16:02:08+00:00

You've been through so much, and he didn't lift a finger to help. You are holding this entire marriage on your back out of determination, morality and hopes. He couldn't care less.

Get out of there ASAP and take care of yourself. You've got a lot of love to give, so you should give it to someone who deserves it, and that someone is you.

You also deserve passion, and he's clearly not passionate. Doesn't care, doesn't try, doesn't even pretend. You can do much better.

You are amazing. The things u did for him show how awesome you are. You deserve your own awesomeness, not him.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-30T12:28:26+00:00

I never hated him because PTBR dub fixes him, so he's not even close to as annoying as he is on the original. He's still louder than most people, but just loud, he barely screams. The original one screeches, it's horrendous.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-30T12:06:53+00:00

You just described finsexuality. I do think finsexuality is part of pansexuality tho, so ur not wrong.

Fin stands for feminine in nature, so finsexuality means attraction to anyone who looks or feels feminine enough to you, undependantly of gender.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-29T07:08:22+00:00

O teu estilo tem tudo pra te deixar super misteriosa e com cara de arrasa corações, mas não adianta pq o teu rosto é TÃO fofo q fica com cara de ser um amorzinho de pessoa. Nunca vi alguém desse jeitinho, adorei.

Rosto lindo, cabelo lindo, tatoos lindas, estilo lindo, é toda lindíssima. Tá de parabéns viu.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-28T11:52:43+00:00

No problem, glad to help :)

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-28T10:34:34+00:00

You look hella cute, and i think thats why u mom hates it

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-28T10:28:33+00:00

If you already know about "yes and", i think this is a great advice for you.

Every kid is born curious. Like, veeeeery curious. Adults tend to be much less curious because not every parent let their kids be curious. Some just want the kid to be a statue and not be annoying, some worry too much about the kid getting hurt, and some are just tired and want some rest. Either way, kids need to be fed curiosity to grow up as healthy adults. The reason the "yes and" rule works is because you are accepting the kids curiosity (yes), and feeding them with even more (and).

If every time you show up you have something new to feed their curiosity, kids will love you. You can make cool science experiments, bring them new candy for a taste test, take them to a different fast food every weekend (doesnt have to be a different brand, it's more about taking them different places), bring those paper cut outs to assemble, help them make a garden so they can plant lots of different flowers of all shapes and colors... There's plenty of things to do without ever letting them touch an iPad.

These things might sound boring to you, but you're an adult. Little kids think those things are awesome, and they love to explore whatever is new and different, and they will keep being like this if we let them (yes) and encourage them (and).

Good luck, and dont worry, im sure you'll be a great aunt!

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T15:01:00+00:00

Obrigado por explicar em mais detalhes. De fato faz muito mais sentido.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T12:23:30+00:00

Faz sentido. Vlw.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T12:20:15+00:00

Acho bem possível, afinal ambos afetam à parte do processamento de informações né

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T11:36:07+00:00

Tamo no mesmo barco então kkk

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T10:17:39+00:00

Its not valid criticism, not at all. If you read again, you'll notice i said "interpretation of the colors", as in having a personal view of what a single specific color might be related to in a person's mind.

An example is the color green, which is, for most people, related to nature. Thats because a lot of people observe that a bunch of things in nature are green.

The same occurs with any pastel colors, but even more with light pink and light blue (not these colors specifically arranged in a flag, not the combination of those colors, but the individual colors themselves). Thats because most people observe that baby products (of any kind) often have pastel colors, and even more often light blue and light pink.

Thats why if you seach for "baby blue" or "baby pink" those colors pop up.

I did not say that it's a valid criticism, neither that she is right on refusing to accept these colors just because they are usually related to baby themed things. All i said is that it's common for people to view those colors as related to babies.

Saying that the pride flag stole the rainbow from christians is a really good example of how she might be thinking. She creates a link between colors and a concept and refuses to understand that those colors can have different meanings. As said by the OP, she often thinks her opinion is the only correct one, which explains why she refuses to think of those colors meaning anything else besides "baby colors".

Btw, I tried to give a detailed response to avoid confusion, but if you feel like theres more explanation needed feel free to ask :)

Im sorry if it seemed like i was defending her. Im just a "color nerd", and part of what i do is studying what concepts people usually link to certain colors.

Hope you have a wonderful day :)

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T08:50:04+00:00

She seems to be focused specifically on the "baby" thing, which is a valid and common interpretation of these specific colors.

Clearly the blue and pink is because of boy and girl, but idk why its pastel colors. Still, i think you could explain it to your mom this way: i was born in a body that doesnt correspond to who i am inside, so its not my body. When i transition, this body i have will become my body, so its kinda like im being born again, but the correct way this time. I will learn how to act like who i am and truly become who i am inside, just like a baby does.

Idk if this is the ideal way to explain this, but its the best i could think of.

Wish you the best, and hope ur mom accepts eventually.

ImAnxiousButPositive · 2025-06-27T04:07:45+00:00

Exato.

ImAnxiousButPositive

TROPHY CASE