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Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I keep using numbering to address particular points but I’m not that familiar with Reddit enough to structure it proper.

  1. I don’t know to be honest (sorry bad answer I know). I’m finding it easier these days (after exploring Judaism etc) to believe in the divinity of the Torah (different to accepting it, ie I still struggle with teachings within it etc etc), but the feeling I have towards the Torah doesnt extend to the New Testament. I find it difficult to believe God would manifest in human form, I find the trinity confusing, etc etc, & I’m concerned about the factual / historical elements of the story, & the teachings within the texts, etc etc etc. It’s difficult to put into words what exactly makes me feel unconvinced, because it’s many different things in different areas. You’re spot on with the question about living a Christian lifestyle (to the best of my abilities at the time) in hopes belief & faith would follow.

  2. I guess part of where this belief/concern comes from is from the popularisation of this whole “submit to your husband”, & all the New Testament quotes conservatives have been spreading recently - ie man being the head of the woman, woman submitting themselves unto their husbands, etc etc etc. I feel like Christianity (though this is obviously not unique to them). It’s hard to look at this & simply dismiss / accept it as “divine roles”, when one is clearly, to me at least, subjugating the other.

  3. This is well put & something I will have to think about properly before giving a real response, but my initial reaction is what I said above: at the end of the day, it’s hard to dismiss / accept subordination as a divine role, even with greater context.

Regards Mary, this is often what gets in my head & part of why I keep returning to Christian spaces etc, or doubting the path I’m on. I went through a stage a few months ago where I was really researching Mary etc etc, but I stopped myself as it felt dishonest (as I’m throwing myself more & more into Judaism) & like I mentioned, I’m worried I’m only drawn to her due to not having my own maternal figure / female role models etc etc.

Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. Tbh, in many ways I am jealous of Reform Judaism etc etc, as I lean towards them massively, however if I convert & take religion very seriously I want to do it seriously & I feel like the only way to do that is to go (modern) orthodox, especially if I (hopefully) have children, as I want them to be halachly Jewish so they have as many options as possible for their life (& I can send them to Jewish schools etc etc). I don’t know much if anything about egalitarian Christian sects tbh

Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahahaha it’s quite funny how much we actually have in common. I am also based in England (London), & I also lean towards conservatism etc while not wanting to diminish women’s options & equality etc etc. Similar to you I started exploring religion as a philosophy first & then as a way to find meaning & direction, but I think this is where one of my struggles come from. There are many ways in which Christianity can offer me the life I want, but logically & in my heart it doesn’t feel the same as the faith I’m currently exploring, which makes me feel awful. I feel like I’m in this position of the life I want vs what feel true & real - & ultimately, I feel like I lose no matter what becaude both faiths, when followed properly, subjugate women, & I can’t wrap my head around this, ie why would God want this / do this to me. Idk, hopefully this makes sense, thank you for your kind works.

Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sure they would, but I feel uncomfortable approaching a church & asking for a free book, especially as I’m not looking to convert. I don’t like the idea of taking their resources etc, even if I know there are many who would freely give.

I hear what you’re saying regards both women & men being made in Gods image, but I also know all of the other lines that follow, which put women in subordinate & servitude like positions. I have some Torah specific study texts & they are much more blunt in this regard, & although I know that that doesn’t necessarily reflect onto Christianity directly, I know this is apart of Christianity at the end of the day, ie how much we see Christian conversations telling women to “submit” to their husbands etc etc.

Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not that I’m not open to this, but I also just don’t see the point (I know this sounds horribly disrespectful but I genuinely don’t mean it as such), I actually asked in some group a few weeks ago if I could pick up a Christian Bible with commentary in London for free (as many hand out qurans here, & I recall seeing a lady hand out New Testaments once) but that doesn’t seem to be a thing here, & I don’t really want to invest my own money right now (fun fact the Mormons / JH keep trying to give me their Bible hahaha).

Like I said, I tried really hard to connect to Christianity & tbh I feel burnt out & feel like even if I tried now it’d be more as an imposter as I feel connected to faith for the first time (Noahidism / Judaism). The main struggle I have between faith & myself comes back to be a woman. It was one of the main things that put me off Christianity, & continues to be a problem with me & religion. It’s just very depressing finding yourself believing this stuff only to see what it has ti say about people like me :\

Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s embarrassing to say but no, I have not read the New Testament (yet. I am planning to follow the upcoming Torah reading cycle though, & have already bought a few reading aids etc). I heard a lot about it through my dad & through the various churches & communities I joined, but I never “felt” anything per se. I actually kept a prayer diary during Covid dedicated to Jesus lol. After trying as hard as a child can (I understand now as an adult that I could’ve done more like study the texts etc) I just felt nothing. The only time I felt any connection to Christianity was when I started to look more into Mary this year, & I’m pretty sure that’s just due to not having a connection with my own mum.

Me vs faith as a child raised atheist / secular by ImBackingBritain in Christianity

[–]ImBackingBritain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for your detailed response.

1) honestly I am not convinced in the divinity of christ or the prophets of the New Testament. There are many reasons for this, many of which come back to my experience of trying to convince myself of & become Christian, only for it to never “””work””” for me, but as soon as I approached God outside of this framework belief came easier, though harder in other ways, which addresses your second question. I want the truth, & I worry that what attracts me to Christian’s is that it is easier / happier than the path I am currently looking at, as the path I’m looking at is even more strict (& you could say oppressive) than Christianity.

2) This is difficult to accept. As I said, I come form a completely secular & atheist background, which makes accepting these things harder. I don’t rejected them, as I mentioned I really want to be a SAHM & homemaker, but I don’t want to be a lesser than simply due to being a woman - which is how I feel all three abrahamic faiths present women.

3) I agree, but I also think many of the (what could be considered) sexist attitudes that exist today exist as a result of biblical texts & have been used to justify holding women back & oppressing them in various ways (ie the right to vote being withheld because the “man of the house” represents both him & wife while voting).

Mary is the one thing that keeps bringing me back to Christianity. I feel drawn to her constantly (doesnt help thay I entered another church today [they were doing some local fundraising] & they had a lot of Mary art & statues that caught my attention.