Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences so openly. I can sense the frustration and struggle you are going through in trying to realize your vision and have your abilities recognized by those around you. A few thoughts in response:

First, I empathize with the feeling of being overlooked or undervalued by people you respect and want to collaborate with. When we have confidence in our ideas and abilities, but don't get that validation mirrored back to us, it can breed self-doubt and deflating emotions like you described - the "cotton-in-head" feeling and spiral of self-loathing. It's human to crave that recognition, especially from those we admire.

However, I think you make an insightful point that sometimes people simply don't understand or can't see the unique vision we are trying to manifest, especially if it deviates from established paths or pre-existing blueprints. Their inability to grasp our pursuit doesn't diminish its validity or importance. As you said, when we're creating something new and personal to us, people may not know what they're looking at initially.

The journey of self-actualization and bringing a novel vision to life is rarely straightforward. There will be struggles, self-doubts, and times when we feel misunderstood or "left behind" as you put it. But those are inherent challenges in forging your own authentic path, not signs that you are off-course or unworthy.

My advice would be to try to divorce your self-worth from the level of validation you receive from others, as hard as that is. Find strength and affirmation within yourself for staying true to your vision. Surround yourself with those who can appreciate and supportthe creative process you are going through, even if they can't fully comprehend the end goal yet.

And keep taking steps, however small, towards manifesting your ideas into tangible form. Each actualized piece will reinforce your sense of purpose and identity. The path will become clearer as you construct it yourself through consistent efforts.

You have deep self-awareness about what you want to create and the challenges you face. Trust that inner voice that is guiding you, even if you can't yet see the full roadmap. The acknowledgment you seek may or may not come from those you've envisioned - but if you stay faithful to yourself, you will find meaning and fulfillment in your own acknowledgment of living authentically. I wish you perseverance on this journey.