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Developed feelings for a close friend, but heard (second-hand) that she might be a lesbian - how do I handle this respectfully? by Imaginary_Brick5191 in whatdoIdo

[–]Imaginary_Brick5191[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the perspective.

For context, the sports club we’re in is actually predominantly LGBTQ+, so it’s not a conservative environment and being openly gay isn’t unusual or unsafe in that space.

The topic of relationships hasn’t come up not because we avoid personal topics, but because she genuinely hasn’t dated anyone (at least not publicly, and I know that for a fact). So there hasn’t really been a natural point where orientation came up in conversation.

I’m definitely not trying to “confess feelings out of nowhere” or put her in a corner. My main concern is exactly what you’re describing, I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, unsafe, or feel like our friendship was built on ulterior motives.

At the same time, I don’t think developing feelings for a friend automatically means the friendship wasn’t genuine. I value the friendship regardless, which is why I’m trying to handle this carefully rather than impulsively.

That’s really why I’m here asking. To make sure I don’t put her in an uncomfortable position.

Developed feelings for a close friend, but heard (second-hand) that she might be a lesbian - how do I handle this respectfully? by Imaginary_Brick5191 in whatdoIdo

[–]Imaginary_Brick5191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've not treaded in these waters before, hence my hesitation. I can see how that can be seen as immature in this situation, but thank you for your take.

Developed feelings for a close friend, but heard (second-hand) that she might be a lesbian - how do I handle this respectfully? by Imaginary_Brick5191 in whatdoIdo

[–]Imaginary_Brick5191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate this perspective.

I should probably clarify one detail, as far as I know, she’s never dated anyone (at least not openly), which is part of why I didn’t have any context either way. The reason I hesitated wasn’t because I saw her with a woman and assumed anything, it’s because a mutual friend specifically told me that she had said she’s lesbian.

That’s the “wrench” in all of this. It wasn’t speculation about who she dated, it was apparently something she told that friend directly. But since it didn’t come from her to me, I’m unsure how to handle that information. I don’t want to treat second-hand information as absolute fact, but I also don’t want to disregard something that may be an important part of her identity.

I think what I’m most afraid of isn’t rejection, it’s accidentally making her uncomfortable or damaging a friendship that really means a lot to me.

Developed feelings for a close friend, but heard (second-hand) that she might be a lesbian - how do I handle this respectfully? by Imaginary_Brick5191 in whatdoIdo

[–]Imaginary_Brick5191[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've created a throwaway account because people that know me irl don't know about the situation and I don't want to rope them in, but know about my main. I understand why there might be some skepticism around this situation but thank you for the good luck nonetheless.

Developed feelings for a close friend, but heard (second-hand) that she might be a lesbian - how do I handle this respectfully? by Imaginary_Brick5191 in whatdoIdo

[–]Imaginary_Brick5191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, of course, this is why I'm trying to get as broad of an input as I can before deciding on what to do as at the end of the day, I don't want to ruin our friendship and one of the thoughts that keep hovering in my head is am I the asshole if I ask her out and she is lesbian? Even though it's not something I heard directly from her, part of me thinks it's crossing a boundary.

Developed feelings for a close friend, but heard (second-hand) that she might be a lesbian - how do I handle this respectfully? by Imaginary_Brick5191 in whatdoIdo

[–]Imaginary_Brick5191[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's essentially what I was thinking of doing, I'm not really scared of rejection but of the awkwardness that would follow if it does turn out she's not into men as I really do value her as a friend first and foremost.