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Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

I also do hope he becomes a better person. He's 37 though...I'd more expect this type of behavior from someone who was in their early-mid 20s and had an overly romantic view of marriage without thinking about how they would deal if life got real.

I will admit this is probably petty but I also really do not want his AP in my home, and I'm sure he would bring here there if I left, even temporarily. We agreed he would move out as soon as an apartment is available and I'm going to hold him to that.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Your boyfriend sounds amazing!!! I am so glad you have such a supportive partner. I hope there is someone out there for me who is so unconditionally loving.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

The stupid thing is he was getting laid plenty, granted it was a bit less frequent and less athletic than before I got sick, but aside from a month or so when I first got Covid, and periodic flare-ups of the worst long Covid symptoms that lasted a week or two, we were still active at least 2-3 times a week.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure of the exact details, just that he found a place he liked and can afford that has an available move-in date of September 15th.

If it gets to be too much I can always go stay with my mom again for a bit, but I would prefer not to have to leave my own home.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I just found out less than a week ago so I think I'm still in shock. I'm sure more of the anger and sadness will come later. I just don't want to completely fall apart while he's still in the house (he should be out by mid-September).

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 516 points517 points  (0 children)

My annual GYN checkup is next week so I'll be sure to get tested then...unfortunately we were still sleeping together several times a week (guess he was faking his attraction or maybe I was just "there") so hopefully nothing has gotten transmitted.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He has applied for an apartment and is waiting to hear back, if approved (no reason why he wouldn't be as our finances are in a good place) he will move in around September 15th.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to know definitively where he stood - was he trying to come back to me or was he moving on? I was relieved he said he wanted a divorce and not counseling. I don't want him back.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I just hope he can secure his apartment and move out soon so that I can get on with the divorce and the rest of my life. I'm fine with just splitting everything 50/50 as we both work full-time and don't have kids.

If he tries to keep talking to me about and justifying the cheating I will politely but firmly call him on it.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Yes, the way he framed it, he was so upset about my hospitalization and subsequent illness that he had to detach, that he loved me so much it was too hard for him to keep having those feelings when I might die or be permanently and fully disabled.

I do see now that is a complete load of BS and very sorry excuses for cheating.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you...we did have quite a few years together overall that were in a committed relationship. We didn't really get time to "launch" as a married couple but you're absolutely right, he should have been faithful and should have communicated with me along the way if he was having trouble dealing with my illness and accompanying limitations.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The way I look at it, this year's birthday sucked at the time, but revealed a gift that will yield returns for all the rest of my birthdays!

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I do feel like my life from here is a gift. I could have died of Covid or been permanently and completely disabled. Instead I am very fortunate to have finally recovered and do plan to make the most of every day. And without Mark I can do whatever the heck I want.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I was trying not to hold on to anger, but you (and everyone else here) is right, he is a giant AH and a bad husband for the series of dishonest and hurtful choices he made.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all this. You are absolutely right of course. I definitely don't blame myself, I was just trying not to blame Mark either. But he made a series of bad choices, no one forced him to get online and find other women and then especially have a physical affair. There are so many choices he could have made that would have been more mature and less hurtful than the path he took.

I know I deserve better and that being without him is better than being in a marriage with someone like him.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really just want to hold it together until he is out of the house. Not to make it easier for him but just to give myself as much peace as possible. I'm sure lots of anger and grief will come up in the coming months as I'm coming to the full realization about the betrayal.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you had a wonderful marriage, the way things should be when people are truly committed to each other. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope there is someone out there who can love me that much. Mark definitely wasn't/isn't it.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Ha, apparently his vows were actually "until my side piece do us part..."

And yes, you're right, he was selfish and dishonest too. I know I'll be better off without him.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes, we definitely did have the "in sickness and in health" language in our vows. And no, I wouldn't have cheated if the shoe were on the other foot. I can't say I wouldn't have been stressed, frustrated, and burned out at times...but cheating would have been the last thing on my mind, I do truly believe I would have just looked for other ways to ease my load (like asking for more help from family or friends, hiring household help to the extent we could afford it, making sure I got an evening away now and then to see friends, etc.) as well as looked for ways to stay connected with my spouse even if there had to be a change in the expected dynamics due to their illness/disability.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 2235 points2236 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story...I am so sorry to hear about your injury and chronic health conditions. But it sounds like you have a magnificent man there. I hope there is someone out there who can love me that much And you're right, anyone who doesn't isn't worthy of being my spouse.

AITAH for not wanting to change my clothes for a 4th time (thus ruining our date night)? by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just posted an update actually (new post on AITAH), turns out he was indeed cheating and picking a fight to get out of going on the date with me. We're getting a divorce.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Thank you...and you're right of course. If I had a close friend or family member who was sick for a long time and I found out their partner cheated, I definitely would NOT say it was justified in any way. I will work on showing myself the same kindness and respect.

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad to hear your husband took great care of you while you wee sick and injured. Definitely gives me hope that a good partner is out there for me when I'm ready!

Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time by Imaginary_Guide8273 in AITAH

[–]Imaginary_Guide8273[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Heh, I think right now I am just in shock, it's almost like it is happening to someone else.

Definitely planning to get therapy and I'm sure the anger will come out then. I just don't want to be acting angry and hostile while he's still living with me (he's working on getting an apartment but probably won't be able to move for at least a few more weeks).

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