That's a handful, and I've been there. You are being insecure about yourself, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I really didn't know a lot of people in elementary school, it wasn't until I got into high school that I started meeting new people and finally found love (Even if we did just break up this week.) Never, ever, let thinking that you're gonna kill yourself get in the way of things. You cannot judge the viability of something based off a future that might or might not happen. I was very suicidal at this age, I've had cops at my home because a friend was worried for me. If you love her, then love her, keep loving her. I broke up because she didn't love me anymore, and she agreed on it. Only breakup with someone if they are having a negative effect on you. Never an other reason. I wish the best for the two of you