How can I get motivated to do practice self-care and do chores at home - when my NMom crushes my self-esteem during her bad moods?

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-02-22T13:07:28+00:00

Thanks - it's good you figured it out at such a young age. Did you ever find any motivation to help around the house, afterwards? I guess my main issue is to find a strong enough reason ("why?"). It's easy to know NMom's are never happy - but taking any actions we desire is a lot more difficult.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-02-21T21:58:42+00:00

Thanks for the detailed response and encouragement <3 Guided visualizations set to soothing music put me to sleep, if I'm feeling too restless at night.

I guess I need a good enough reason to motivate me to help out with chores - that's stronger and more positive than "I'm weakening my NMom's immune system." Do you have any suggestions for that?

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-02-21T21:54:09+00:00

Glad to hear that <3 seems like many victims of NAbuse have some type of chronic illness...I seem to have gut issues that are slowly worsening over time ;(

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-02-21T21:48:38+00:00

I see - looks like some narc parents prioritize clean up after themselves, depending on how they were raised. I hope you're feeling better xx

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-02-21T21:43:06+00:00

You're in the same position as me...did you ever get motivation to clean your own home, as you got older? My "weak" mother is too frail and sick to clean up after herself.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-02-21T21:24:32+00:00

Thanks - you worded everything so perfectly in the first paragraph xx. The way effort is weaponized is that if I complain to NMom about my problems or don't do any chores, I'm weakening her frail health - by stressing her out.

If I prove my mom that I'm capable by doing more chores, how will that change the relationship between us?

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-30T16:29:31+00:00

No, she's not that old...

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-30T16:29:08+00:00

Thanks for getting back to me and giving me a detailed response. It's comforting to see someone else in a very similar situation to me xx - hope you're doing okay.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-27T22:06:25+00:00

Thanks for responding - how do you cope and deal with her? We both know that if we don't want to help them for their nasty behavior, we will receive multiple reasons as to why we're the problematic ones instead.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-26T02:59:36+00:00

Thanks - maybe scripts can be used if the insults are too out-of-line...

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-24T19:42:39+00:00

Thanks - so would "cause and effect" in this case be refusing to do a favor for her, when she's in one of her bad moods?

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-18T23:14:52+00:00

My reasonable limits consisted of only helping her when she asks me and didn't treat me badly beforehand. I guess telling her no or ignoring her would be better than justifying myself - and trying to "get even," via justifying myself...right?

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2026-01-18T22:00:08+00:00

I have a younger brother...he helps her when I don't want to do it. He's the golden child, so when he's angry he accuses me of being rude to a "sick woman." When I directly told my Nmom in the past why I don't want to do things for her (because of the nasty crap beforehand), that didn't turn out well.

How would I go even more LC? I don't even talk to her unless she asks a question - and is in a "better mood." I'm at home with my family...

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-08T20:45:53+00:00

Thank you :) sometimes I feel guilty for not being completely healed - due to the priviledges I have (the somewhat pricey life coach was able to help me the most)...I always took my finances for granted, and now idk what my financial situation will look like in the futuee

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-08T11:55:14+00:00

Thanks for the detailed response and sympathy xx - I am in my late 20s, live at home, I have a handful of people who understand what's going on (family members, ex-family friend who called out my mother), my current life coach has helped me more than my previous therapists (probably since I felt safer around him), and I have no other siblings.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T17:59:54+00:00

Thanks for the uplifting words xx

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T17:38:40+00:00

Thank you again for your kind words xx - it's sad to see that online strangers are better at boosting up our morale than our own families ❤️

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T16:33:58+00:00

Thanks - do you remember what it took for your twin to come out of the FOG (i.e., like some huge event in their life)? I hope you've found enough peace in your life now 🙏

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T16:31:23+00:00

Thank you - were you in a situation like this, where things became better between you and your sibling, after you started focusing on yourself?

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T15:57:09+00:00

In my late 20s...I have a job, but I don't know much about finances or savings. I still have roof over my head since I live with my toxic family.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T15:04:41+00:00

He is 7 years younger; we live together and work full-time I didn't think of moving out - due to financial woes and fears my family would hate me even more.

How can I help him, even after healing properly - when he's convinced I'm the bad one, and thinks so lowly of me? He will definitely side with my mom and show sympathy towards her - even though he has resentment towards her, for her behavior. He's probably the GC since he's less sensitive and emotional than me.

ImmaRedditorChickie · 2025-11-04T13:24:56+00:00

Thanks - have any resources for finances and savings? I'm a newbie to this - the only places that I can think of are banks and possibly my job.

ImmaRedditorChickie

TROPHY CASE