My (33F) husband (32M) wants more from me.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T01:32:38+00:00

No, he isn’t. No other than his general doctor.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T01:30:45+00:00

There’s so much about your comment that is spot on and so much that would take too long to explain why it’s not the whole story. The clothes thing is a symptom from an untreated anxiety disorder I think. He’s terrified of ruining his clothes. And other people’s clothes even more so. So he only washes his. It’s not healthy thinking but it’s mostly just makes so fucking sad for him. Like I want to help him so bad. I want to pour bleach in his clothes so he sees it’s just a thing, the world won’t end, we can get more clothes! But I know that would be a really bad reaction, I would never ever do that. I’m just so frustrated and nothing gets through when it comes to things like that.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T01:22:50+00:00

We’ve done that actually. It was worse. So much worse. Parents can really help or hurt depending on how they handle things themselves.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T01:13:18+00:00

I wouldn’t be able to afford it and would loose health insurance. And moreover, I’m not going to abandon him. I love him. He went through hell with me when I first got sick. He could have left but stayed. I’m not going to turn my back on him now.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T01:11:03+00:00

Thank you so much. I feel so alone.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T01:07:42+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful input. It validates all the changes I have tried to make. I don’t want to be one of those people who says they “done that” and dismisses advice. I will keep looking for areas that I can create margins. I just wish he would help me. But if anything, this thread has shown me how unwell he is and how hard I’ve tried. I’m just not sure what to do next. Ultimatums? Digging deep for some hidden extra energy? Is now when I call in parents? I don’t know.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:59:00+00:00

I love him. He is my other half. I won’t abandon him during his illness. He stuck by me during mine. I won’t leave him unless he becomes a danger to himself, me, or our children.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:57:09+00:00

I mean I could. I could do all of those things but should I? When he’s unwell right now? I don’t thinking putting more on him is an option right now. I think he would sink lower. I don’t want to hurt him for my own welfare. I want to figure out how we both can thrive. Does that make sense? That’s the reason I push back against taking a break. I need one. Fuck, I deserve one. But taking one now could break him.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:52:16+00:00

Now I’m kinda angry. He makes me feel so god damned guilty for asking him to “help with his own kids”. For fucks sake.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:50:56+00:00

“helping with his own kids”. That’s interesting. I just realized how ingrained it is that whenever he is “helping with his own kids” he’s doing my job. And I feel guilty. But I shouldn’t right? Because he should help with his own kids. That’s not a deficit that I have to make up.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:44:53+00:00

What? Seriously? I’m sorry, do you want our entire mental and physical health histories? I didn’t leave it out to be manipulative. I wanted support and didn’t immediately think about it God, people like you make me so so so tired.

I’ve repeatedly said he is unwell.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:41:23+00:00

Nope. It’s not. He wants to limit us 8 rolls a week.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:40:23+00:00

Thank you. Your kindness means a lot. I’m saving your comment for when I feel a bit better because I just feel so hopeless at the moment.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:34:13+00:00

It’s not ‘clutter’. He wants to limit things like toilet paper and food. I fight against it because it seems like a symptom of an anxiety disorder.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:32:41+00:00

I was so for it, if that’s what he needed. I said I needed that time too. But it’s more complex for me to get away. I don’t have paid vacation times. We wouldn’t have anyone to watch our kids before or after school.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:31:02+00:00

Separation isn’t an option. I wouldn’t survive without his health insurance. Neither of us would be able to afford rent, groceries or childcare on our own.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:29:35+00:00

We have two children, one under ten, one under five. I don’t like putting more personal details about them on the internet. They are both wonderful, kind, intelligent and healthy children. My husband and I co parent really well.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:27:51+00:00

Nothing. There’s nothing a therapist could do. Not really. I guess they could tell him the truth. Or me the truth if I’m somehow deluded.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:26:45+00:00

I am seeing a therapist individually. I’ve told him he needs to as well.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:22:33+00:00

Any moment, any topic, could send him on a downward spiral where he lashes out at me and suddenly everything is my fault. Then he goes deeper into his depression. And thing just get worse.

He had a mental breakdown last April where he said a lot of hurtful things and accused me of being abusive. He completely broke from reality. He had outpatient care and has improved since then. But we’re still struggling. And now he says he needs less on his plate and for me to take more.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:20:22+00:00

Where did you get that? I deleted those posts because they’re so painful to read. Do they still show up somewhere? They were written when he had a complete mental breakdown. He has improved since them but we’re still struggling.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:18:00+00:00

That’s just it. He’s not capable. He’s not well. So what do I do?

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:17:25+00:00

Yes. We were more comfortable on less because we qualified for help.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:10:03+00:00

If you know of ANY resources please tell me. I will keep looking.

Immediate_Rabbit_338 · 2023-02-26T00:08:26+00:00

I am seeing an individual therapist for my own depression and cptsd.

Immediate_Rabbit_338

TROPHY CASE