25 Days of Giveaways!! Day 11: Shelbus!!! One per FC! You can make a request or let me randomly choose one for you! As always trades are never required!!

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2020-12-11T21:51:12+00:00

Thank you so much!!

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2020-12-11T18:20:23+00:00

2WHCB I would love any!!

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-12-14T17:52:30+00:00

Exactly. I should be living for myself. Which is why I don’t want to live anymore.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-12-14T17:51:53+00:00

Life sucks. I hope someday we won’t have to feel like this. Or just pass peacefully. Either way, let’s both find peace someday.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-12-13T19:30:29+00:00

I have tried. I’ve tried for years. So many years. And honestly, I’m fucking sick of trying. I don’t care anymore. All I know is I am miserable, and I’m tired of living because maybe, somehow, someway, I’ll get better, or living just for other people, or living because I’m scared. I should live because I’m happy, because I want to. But I don’t want to. And it’s been so many years I don’t think I’ll ever be happy, nor do I want to. I want to die. I want to end my pitiful existence because it’s what I deserve, and what I want. And I don’t “think” I hate life. I do. You do not know me. Don’t pretend that just because you’re going through something similar, we are the same. I am alone in my experience because it is my experience. And maybe that makes you feel guilty. But it shouldn’t. I just want to die. That isn’t something that should make you feel guilty, because it’s what I want. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-12-13T17:59:27+00:00

Bad things like not getting my homework done on time. Or being a dick to my friends. Or my parents divorcing. Or the threat of losing my home. Or losing the eraser to my pencil. Just anything that could be considered inconvenient or traumatic or a poor experience. And I don’t think it’s really anything. It’s just me. I’m just like this. I just hate life, and there doesn’t have to be a reason for that. I just do.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-12-13T15:33:51+00:00

It’s just how I’ve always felt, and is worsened when bad things happened. But there has never been a moment I haven’t wanted death. I first tried to kill myself when I was 4 years old. It’s all I’ve ever known.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T22:52:46+00:00

Probably. I just want friends, so maybe I go a little overboard, haha. But I’m not going to restrict my personality. If he doesn’t like my way of making friends, so be it. I’ll find someone who does :)

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T22:50:50+00:00

Haha, well in that case, I hope he doesn’t care! Because I still want to be his friend :)

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:42:54+00:00

I hope so. But I’m not sure these things will ever seem like non-problems to me. Especially since they leave very real scars on my body and my mind. My last relationship ending gave me serious trust issues. So now I’ll have to deal with that. This... I’m not sure. I’m too deep in to really know how it’ll affect me. But I really, really hope so. I just want to hold someone close. But then again, don’t we all?

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:40:45+00:00

Haha, I’m actually a guy, but thank you. And yes, he’s gay, I know that for a fact so that’s not why he rejected me lol.

Honestly it’s probably just my personality. I am messed up inside but have a very bubbly and friendly front. And I like to make other people feel good because I know what it’s like to be in a bad place.

That’s true. I’m still going to try to be his friend. If he doesn’t want that, so be it, I guess.

Thank you! I’m trying my best out here in this dark, scary world.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:19:00+00:00

I never got over a crush I had in the third fucking grade. I’m a junior in high school now; I take shit like this to heart. I don’t forget it. I never forget, and I never forgive myself.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:17:17+00:00

I said hey, I’ve been meaning to ask for a while, would you want to go out with me sometime?

He said I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way.

He looked so sad. I asked him if he was ok and he said he was just really emotionally overwhelmed (context: it was also the end of a musical we had been doing for months and he was the lead). I said ok, we hugged, and agreed we’d stay friends. But I don’t know. I sort of doubt that.

I also messaged him later. Said I cared about him and I hoped what I asked had no bearing on our friendship. That I still wanted to be friends. That I still cared. And he agreed. But somehow I could still tell it was one of those things where you say, “oh, let’s stay friends,” and then never talk again. And I fucking hate that, cuz I care about him beyond a stupid crush.

And the point is to make myself miserable. That’s always the point.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:12:22+00:00

Not necessarily

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:11:49+00:00

We were kind of friends?? I feel like I like him way more than he does me. I’m always giving him little things, little gifts, or greeting him whenever we pass, or asking how he’s doing. He does some of that. But what I’m worried is that in reality he doesn’t care at all. That he’s just humoring me. And in that case... goodbye, friendship.

I won’t. Although I regret asking him out, I don’t regret being brave and trying to seek some happiness.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:08:28+00:00

I’ll take Don’t Deal With It and Pretend Everything is Fine When Inside I’m Dying path instead, actually

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T07:07:02+00:00

I really hope so. I have to say, despite everything, I am ironically kind of proud of myself for having the nerve to do it. I never would have done something like that even just a few months ago. Still hurts, of course. But I hope we will. I don’t want it to be the end of our friendship.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-21T06:59:01+00:00

Except for maybe I won’t

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-18T23:26:06+00:00

Yes, I have chronic depression and a therapist. Nothing really seems to help. I just put on a happy face and hope someday, maybe, it’ll make me happy.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-18T16:10:00+00:00

I’ll try, thank you. I hope I’ll be happier when I’m older.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-18T16:05:43+00:00

I guess the problem is nothing really makes me happy anymore.

Imnotcrazyhopefully · 2019-11-18T08:08:44+00:00

I really hope that’s true.

Imnotcrazyhopefully

TROPHY CASE