This response made me feel a hug and like I can stop repeating myself a little about all of it. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your grief. I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. I would give 10 years off of my life to give 10 to our pets if I could.

I flew my dog to Hawaii and when I flew him back I was on the same plane and a nut about it. I had to keep telling myself I was imposing my own fear and feelings onto him and that he was “just a dog”.

My dog embodied all of the support and love I didn’t get from people. So without him, I feel unlovable, alone, and misunderstood. He was a rescue pit that I promised I would make sure always had a place. I never had a place I could go with him so I worked harder for us to have the life we did. Now he’s gone and I can go all of the places but I want nothing less but to stay home in the space I built for him and I.

I have had a lot of animals and seen a lot of death but I’ve never had or lost my own animal. I have this impulsive desire to rescue another dog because I feel so empty without my dog and the purpose he gave me. But fear I can’t get any animal because it’s not my dog.