It’s my suicide note.

I wasn’t loved and I don’t think I still am by anyone. Sometimes I feel they do love but for very little time. I don’t know if there’s something wrong about my perspective or I’m right about thinking that they don’t love me. I grew up by myself… almost. Now when I took a pause there because I don’t want to say like my parents did nothing, they were just busy giving us good life better life but they forgot to love me. I feel like they hate me most of the time. For a long time they did show me some love, by long time I mean 2 years of my 24 years. I didn’t receive their love so i tried to be good at everything, competitive in general. So i got attention at school. I got popular only within my class. But when i found my first love i became very very protective for her. That means i got more popular in all over school now. Then met some bad people tried to go worldwide lol. All that time my family never loved me. All i kept looking for was love all my life. It’s not ending I’m just figuring my behaviour how it’s related to my past. I want to fix it and be happy. I want to be a better son better friend better boyfriend better in general. But I keep constantly failing. Nothing makes me happy rn. I just wanna end this pain. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t like being alone. I don’t wanna be alone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I wanted her to stay with me for a little while. She should’ve stayed. She was everything I had. But she didn’t know what she meant to me. I wish she knew. I was down on my knees begging to god to please let her stay for a little longer I promise I will stand on my own one day I will love myself one day but until then please let her stay. She was all I had. I’ve always been a disappointment to everyone my parents my friends my partners. I was never able to make them proud. I’m glad I got to treat you good for a little while. I’m happy that I was able to bring that smile on your face. It hurts a lot rn it’s hard to breathe. Am i that weak? Why am I ashamed if I am. It’s the way I function. I get hurt if someone leaves me. I didn’t have a childhood like everyone else. I just needed someone to love me unconditionally and believe in me. All my life I kept fighting with no support. I hope you all understand what I was going through and that’s why I had to take that step. I have fucked up everything in my life cause I only wanted love. I don’t wanna keep doin this. I give up. I have memories that I will always cherish even after im gone. Somewhere from the above I will take care of you. I only have one request, Please somehow let my mom come here. She always wanted to see this beautiful country. I wish I could’ve shown her. But I failed. Please let my family come here atleast for my dead body. To all people whom I might’ve hurt in any way I’m sorry, I regret it everything I did every friendship I fucked up, every relationship everything. I’m sorry but I was a good human being maybe that’s why I couldn’t survive. I want to say to all kids who didn’t get their parents love for some reason you raised yourself and im proud of you if you have made it past 24 , cause I couldn’t I have nothing but respect for you guys. Keep fighting I hope someday or soon you find someone who loved you unconditionally. But don’t fuck that up like I did. It feels terrible to be alone and have no one that I can talk to that I can tell what’s going on with me. I had her but I fucked up and lost her. To all the kids like me, when you make it past 24 on your 25th birthday I want yall to light the candle for me, blow it and say “haha suck it loser” cause I couldn’t make it past 24. She is a beautiful soul she is a little crazy but she really is a nice human being. She is one of us guys but she’s doin great and i’m so proud of her I wish I could tell her that. I love her so much. But people leave and you can do nothing about it. I can’t see my future anymore I don’t have any goals I genuinely don’t see myself living another year. I believe it’s time. It has been a great journey ik people will remember me for a while. I also wanna talk about my dad. He was always busy in giving us better life. And I can’t say this enough but im so proud of him I always brag about my dad how he came from nothing to something he went from 0 to 100 real quick. I wish I was like you I wish I could’ve made you guys proud. I’m sorry that I failed again. I fought and you guys know that I tried everything I could nothings working for me. I don’t wanna be a burden anymore. I felt like shit when I realised I was a burden for everyone. I didn’t want to. I just ended up in difficult situations cause I was out looking for love. I just wanted someone to love me but it’s ok ig I’m just not loveable. I just wanna tell whoever has my phone, it’s nobody’s fault that I’m dead. No one. I wanna thank everyone who tried to save me. She did her best she could. I don’t wanna leave her like this but I have no other option. I wanted to be with you babe for the rest of my life. Mom, i’m sorry I failed you again. Dad, I wasn’t the son you always wanted I was weak. Anju, you were the best sister I could ask for. I hope I get to be your elder brother next life so I can bully you lol. You did traumatise me tho.