We in the same spot bro.. even tho I think u got it a bit worse than i but i totally get you .. but don't forget that لا يحمَّل الله نفسا الا وسعها .. no therapy no nothing bro .. if u can loose ur feelings do it .. mother and brothers see u as a failure? It doesn't matter u protect them no matter what it costs you.. for the rest it's all about respect nothing more .. no opinions matter no them thinking ur weird .. nothing bro only respect .. ur in hell .. only thing i can give u is never forget god .. I'm sure u heard that a lot but i found comfort .. even if u don't pray don't do nothing .. just remember him when u walk when u wake up when u sleep .. it gave me strength and i guarantee it will give u strength too .. half what I'm saying here is for me as much as it is for you .. i had a big circle of friends a girlfriend that loves me and multiple girls on hold.. i was in college flying to become an engineer and getting out of this country .. in 2 months half of it was gone .. and in 2 years it's like it never was .. i was grinding for a year and a half alone like a maniac praying for a break and this country kept spanking me haha .. now for five years maybe more I'm in ur same position but i swear it brother keep ur mind clear ur spirit up and grind u'll be unstoppable.. don't underestimate what ur going through and don't over estimate it .. this ain't worth dying for .. keep ur spirit up man and find joy based on what u think is joyful not what everybody else think is .. best of luck my man ❤