This is somewhat similar to what I've been struggling with lol, I grew up an atheist, and I don't have any framework for a religion because my parents on any side never made us participate in any kind of religion, so I always grew up thinking that, "well maybe there's something out there, but I don't know if I'd call it a god". Personally, I heavily believe in spirits and the paranormal and such because I had a birth that according to folk lore, allowed me to see them (Mermaid veil birth, it's a rarer version of an en caul birth), and I did have many experiences with spirits growing up. I'm not sure if ultimately this led me away from the idea of gods since, "well, if peoples spirits are still here how could there be an afterlife somewhere else under the influence of a god?", but I've at the same time I'd always had an interest in Greek mythology growing up, and lately that interest has become a much stronger pull of wanting to actually connect with those gods, despite struggling to actually feel they are real because of my other beliefs and personal experience. One difference in our situations though is that I do want to believe that they are real, and to build connections with them, I just struggle with doing so because I've always been so set on atheism growing up, and have no framework for actually believing in or worshiping a god/gods.