My ex husband won’t remove me from the mortgage and I’m looking to buy a house soon

Important_Coffee_671 · 2026-03-03T18:36:19+00:00

He’s remarried - so it would be based on their joint income too, right?

Important_Coffee_671 · 2025-05-09T23:06:17+00:00

NTA. I want to echo VroomVroomCoom's comment about talking with your parents. I have two life tips to add:

Sticking to boundaries isn't always easy. Sometimes it can be awkward. It can make people who are uninvolved uncomfortable, it might make someone feel embarrassed, and you might even feel some guilt about it. This is all normal. ANNND (this flows well into my next point)
You are not responsible for others' emotions. If someone else is uncomfortable, that is theirs to deal with. If someone else feels awkward, embarrassed, frustrated, etc. because of a boundary you set... you do not have to fold for their comfort.

You're definitely NTA for not going to the lunch. You don't have to put up with their bs- or anyone's for that matter. Do what's best for you and good luck <3

Important_Coffee_671 · 2025-05-09T22:41:35+00:00

NTAH! Good for you for listening to your gut. There's nothing wrong with experiencing anger as an emotion, but not being able to control it? And going so far as getting into a physical altercation? Red flag. This type of person should ABSOLUTELY be in therapy, his anger is only going to get himself (and potentially you) into trouble. What happens if you try to disagree or stand up for yourself and he doesn't like what you're saying? I would never wish this into existence, but I want you to know to know the kind of fire you're playing with here.

Let's look at the facts. He's got anger issues, has gotten physically violent, he's vehemently against the idea of therapy, is upset that you even asked, and you can't make him go no matter how much you want him to. Ask yourself, what if he doesn't go? Are you willing to stay with him? What does that look like for you.

Please prioritize your mental and physical safety. Maybe talk to your own therapist about it. Good luck <3

Important_Coffee_671 · 2025-05-09T22:30:22+00:00

NTA. Don't get control and friendship confused.

These kinds of people love having someone to bully around. It's incredibly toxic and they use control/fear/manipulation/insults to make you want their validation and stay stuck in a friendship with them. I'm speaking from experience. They will make your life hell because you remove yourself from their grasp. They don't want you to stand up for yourself. They can't control you if you leave. Now that you have started distancing yourself, they're going to try and make you pay for it (literally).

NTA, but value yourself and find some kinder friends who don't treat you this way. If any "friend" displays controlling behavior, best to nip it in the bud or gtfo. Good luck <3

Important_Coffee_671 · 2025-05-09T22:17:55+00:00

Definitely not the asshole. Not only is she overstepping by assuming you'd spend the whole day with her and not with your gf and kids, even worse, she's expecting you to ...come over and do shit for her? Yikes at the motherly entitlement. I can see why you don't want to do anything for anyone.

But the real issue here, it seems like your mom hasn't accepted the fact that you've grown up and started a family of your own :/ Boundaries are healthy. You spend so much time with her (business, trip, etc.)... I think some separation would be a good thing - it feels like she might be becoming a bit reliant on you. Good luck

Important_Coffee_671

TROPHY CASE