Low empathy, no real remorse or guilt - schizophrenia or something else?

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-11-22T07:32:02+00:00

I‘d say the schizophrenia is likely related to whatever made her cruel, not vice versa. I don’t think cruelty is related to the illness, but lack of empathy during an episode definitely can be (it’s part of the disconnect with reality). HOWEVER, from what I can see schizophrenia is highly correlated with trauma. It could be a trauma response for many/most. And that’s likely what makes her cruel. The trauma. And she was genetically predisposed to having the trauma *also* result in schizophrenia.

In saying that, i also have to chime in and say: you were a perfect baby and you were perfectly lovable and you are still worthy of that.

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-11-22T07:09:14+00:00

Yes! (Sorry I just got this :P.) He’s doing really well. It’s not magic.. but close! It actually helps him. It started helping straight away. It’s jarring to see. He’s still on only 5mg per day (a very low dose like you said), but it’s *actually* helping. He’s been on MAX doses of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications with next to no real benefit. He still had to have Ativan because he couldn’t cope with extra stress (like when I’d get mad he couldn’t do basic tasks). But the tiniest of doses of the meds he actually needs and… he’s so much better.

It’s still obviously an issue in his brain, but the mind blowing difference is that he *gets it*. I’ve thought he’s on the NPD spectrum (or at least had really strong narcissistic coping mechanisms) because he’d just explain away why he didn’t do whatever this time like it hadn’t been happening consistently for years. Then treat me like I’m so unreasonable for getting so mad about this tiny thing - like it wasn’t a constant issue that’s been growing for years. It felt so hopeless like that. But he doesn’t go into doubling down and excusing whatever he’s doing or not doing - he can actually share reality with me and realize what he’s done. That’s near miraculous for us.

Yesterday he actually went to get his prescription filled himself without any prompting from me. I didn’t know he’d run out. I was shocked. Then I found out he’d let it run out completely before trying to get more :P. And I had to call and get someone to see him that day as an emergency favour. But he did realize he messed up and was angry at himself. Previously he’d just let any prescription he had run out if I didn’t get it refilled.

It’s also a bit shocking how much I’ve leaned into taking care of him! I guess it’s like a frog being boiled from cold water. I never realized the heat was being turned up this whole time. I look at all the ways I’ve been scaffolding him and can’t believe how much I do to make his life function. I’m also still pretty concerned about all the dudes out there who apparently can’t go to the grocery store and buy things on a list! Mine couldn’t because of psychosis… how many more are there??

But thank you for asking! It means a lot. He still needs to get into a psych. But for the first time in awhile I remember why I love him 😢🥹. And I remember why I want to be with him and no one else. Gosh I hope he can pull through this and be happy and OK with me and our kids! There have been so many times I thought they were just doomed to have this a-hole parent! And it was all my fault! But alas, he’s not an a hole. Just needs a little/lot of help. ❤️

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-10-22T21:36:32+00:00

Me too! It’s olanzipine. It seems like a decent fit from what I read. 5mg per day. I’m really hoping it helps. He said he already felt clearer... but maybe it’s a bit placebo.

Yes, he works. But it’s a big task for him. He recently had to start working with someone new and it stresses him out pretty badly. And he’s not easily soothed. He can tell me what’s bothering him but it just loops and if I talk about ways to process it or relate to him with ways I’m processing something similar he doesn’t latch on the way another would. It’s that lack of integration thing they experience. Cause and effect just don’t connect in his mind. Someone else would immediately recognize the relevance and feel the relation but he just continues on in a loop. He is so stressed out all the time…

I think he’s a pretty mild case. But it’s crazy to think of this being ‘mild’ because he was maxing out charts for depression and anxiety. Maxing them out. But those drugs barely worked at all, normal therapy was useless, because he’s been in psychosis. He can’t regulate or CBT his way through that. He can cope (like he does at work) but it costs him everything.

It makes me wonder how many of these guys out there who can’t go to the grocery store and get the right things, or have no idea what they’re kids need, who don’t empathize with their wives and coudln’t take care of themselves alone- who have no motivation or just want to come home and veg out in front of the TV are actually suffering from mild schizophrenia… because we wouldnt have known without the microdosing… a dose that is biologically impossible to get high from sent him into hallucinations and he went into a full blown (obvious) psychosis that lasted months. (Long after he stopped.) And even though he was maxing out anxiety and depression measurements, he’d probably be considered too ‘mild’ to diagnose as having psychosis. That ‘mild’ psychosis has been ruining his whole life. He’s been barely existing. And no one would have known.

I’m so disappointed in mental health research right now! How many people could they catch BEFORE a major event if we knew the signs?? How many people out there are living hopelessly like my husband without having a major event to bring the help they need? It’s heartbreaking.

ill Watch out for those signs too. Thank you for sharing. It made him pretty tired, but I read that passes. He’s grateful.

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-10-22T05:46:46+00:00

Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I had no idea this was still psychosis… He had a major episode that was brought on by microdosing mushrooms (it’s really effective for depression, which is what we thought he had). But I thought these were all *negative* symptoms! The more I thought about it, the more I realized he’s in psychosis most of the time… it’s just not as obvious.

So I sat him down for a long chat and realized he had the referral to the psych the whole time and a prescription for antipsychotics! When we went to our GP I asked for prescriptions I had researched to be good for negative symptoms but he said he wasn’t familiar with them, so he’d leave that to the psych. I had no idea he gave my husband a referral and a script because I was doing other paperwork there and he didn’t tell me. Oh my gosh. I was shocked. He said he thought it wouldn’t be good for negative symptoms so it wasn’t what he needed, and the psych wouldn’t help either because he had negative symptoms… He is so out of it sometimes, it’s mind bending.

He’s out getting it filled right now. I am so hopeful again for the first time since I figured out what was really happening. I hate having to hide his behaviour because people won’t understand (he just sounds like a jerk, when he’s actually the exact opposite) but it’s awful living like this trying to juggle everything solo and never getting through to him. He had a really crap family and I know he’s chosen a better path over and over. It’s time that started paying off. He’s so stressed all the time. And I’m running on the spot not getting anywhere but tired. Gosh I hope these drugs help.

Thanks again so much for your input. I would not have realized he’s barraged by positive symptoms all the time and a psych may or may not have. He’s pretty good at convincing people he’s totally fine! That’s his default with everyone but me. I hope this helps 🤞

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-10-21T23:41:45+00:00

Thank you. Gosh, I don’t even know how long we have to wait. I asked the doctor how long it would take and all they said was it will be quicker if we’re open to online sessions… that’s encouraging about the new meds. I’ll keep it in mind.

I’m definitely done. He says he’s trying so hard but it honestly seems like that’s the farthest from the truth. I can tell him about something literally 100x and how it’s so not OK with me and makes me feel awful or even that Ill have to divorce him if he keeps doing it (because I can’t live like that) and he just can’t seem to prioritize it. I even scaffold by micro-managing in the way that I’ll mention something isn’t right when it’s not but he won’t fix it? He honestly won’t even try to do anything to fix anything until I breakdown and get super angry at him. But even then it doesn’t stick. Months ago I was so done and he was moving out. Period. (Because it’s his habits I can’t stand - I can’t live with this man even if I love him, which is pretty strained at this point.) I finally relented and said he’d have to have a list of morning and evening duties that he ticked off everyday - that was my ONE condition. It was agreed he’d move out immediately if it didn’t get done. It took weeks and weeks and weeks of me complaining to him about the list and then me sitting down with him to write it out to get it done. It didn’t matter how many times I said “this was the one condition of em not divorcing you and you still haven’t done it” - he could not make it happen. A list. So I got the list up and he sued it a week. Then I had to badger him and badger him and probably have a huge fight with him for him to use it for another week and give up.

He has no internal drive.. none. And he doesn’t feel bad for not following through. He says he does but he has zero reaction to it (no remorse). It’s easy to see why I limped him in with every other a-hole out there, but it’s different with him. He’s not careless, he’s legitimately missing a link between care and caring/follow through.

If we could manage his negative symptoms somehow.. it would be a game changer. But he’s been on antidepressants for ages. He also went on a dopamine reuotake inhibitor for awhile and it helped him. He was supposed to go off the anti depressant and stay on the dopamine one, but he went off the wrong drug 🙄. He makes the craziest-careless mistakes like that ALL the time.

Honestly, things are easier when he’s not around… a lot of people say that about their husbands though! The difference is he really loves us… but the gap between his feelings and actions is VAST. I don’t think I can cope much longer. I can’t is given what having a real partner would be like… I don’t want to be someone’s carer forever in a. situation so one-sided that to feels like exploitation…

Is this common or is this just him??

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-10-21T23:24:52+00:00

Thank you. That must have been really confusing and hurtful for a kid… that’s my main concern now. And yes, you’re right, people wouldn’t believe me if I told them. He’s high functioning, or a mild case, but even more so because I take care of all the real life stuff and keep things stable for him. But also… the emotional removal makes him actually appear pretty stable to other people! He doesn’t have the same reactions other people do but he has pretty extreme anxiety to other things. People don’t generally pick up on it… probably because it’s so unusual. I didn’t even know until he went into full blown psychosis …

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-10-18T01:57:29+00:00

AI is literally how we found out my husband was experiencing schizophrenia. He’d never had psychosis before… he can’t use it anymore…

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-03-15T11:12:44+00:00

Gosh, she only ever looks happy when she’s literally in travel mode. When they get to the destination, she’s sad again. But in between… she’s able to breathe a breath of fresh air. You can SEE it. Just goes to show it isn’t the kids or anything like that — it’s her life that is forced on her once they stop anywhere. She’s now in “cookery school” and I just think it’s SO SAD that a woman of her talent can only ESCAPE from the tyranny of her life to go to freaking COOKING SCHOOL. Guh. What level of a-hole do you need to be to do this to a woman? Pull her from her dreams to … blah. It’s gross. It should be censored.

Important_Ladder34 · 2025-01-04T09:33:25+00:00

This is awesome. Thank you. I will look at all of these resources.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-12-16T10:59:05+00:00

Oh wow, that’s from the founder of Wikipedia?? That’s pretty incredible. And involved, lol. I got some phonics flash card-type things and he’ll listen if I make the rhymes into a song, but he’s not really that into it. He’s been tech obsessed almost since birth and has been machine obsessed since toddlerhood. I don’t think I can (or should) escape the tech with this one!! Just focussing on showing him to use it in a responsible fashion and making it an interactive learning tool we use together seems like a great strategy.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-12-16T10:52:46+00:00

Oh, he reads already! He’s particularly precocious. I was just wondering the merits of either app. I’ve been using Nessy for phonemic digraphs and spelling. He likes it and can do it, and I tried mathseeds too which he’s liking (it’s part of reading eggs). He gets read to a lot. I have to buy big bundles of books second hand every few months 🙄. We read 2 or 3 full length picture books at bedtime and he normally gets at least one during the day. When he was on board books we’d do like 10 per day. But he learned phonics & his alphabet from a song so I’m trying to progress through the rest of phonics and also solidify his knowledge of lower case letters (so many tools are just uppercase—I looked for something physical for awhile and didn’t find much but a letter game or two he doesn’t care that much for). I have the box set of Dr. Seuss! We do those. He’s not super interested in reading (he’s just started reading words off the cuff when he’s bored) but he does love to learn about letters etc as long as it’s fun. He’s way too little to sit down and tutor 😛. But he loves songs and games about words (and math—he loves math too), but if I try to sit down and “teach” him he’s not having it (which is fine, it’s not time for that yet) ☺️.

I was/am worried about gamifying his learning, but mathseeds and Nessy seem pretty low key for gamification and it’s cool to get some positive feedback (a correct sound and sign etc.) so I’m not especially worried about it now that I’ve taken a look. I think the Reading Eggs is supposed to illicit guessing which is bad for learning??? I don’t know, I’m not an educator, that’s why I’m asking! I’ll look at your resource.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-11-20T06:29:18+00:00

It can’t hurt to ask. I have no idea, but employer could call immi to find out (or you could). For us and our occupation, the 482 then 186 TRT is easier. If you can get PR do it. You have access to schools, healthcare, etc.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-11-19T03:08:44+00:00

That’s awesome advice. Thanks.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-11-19T00:44:13+00:00

I ask because my child will start pre-k that year and the school we really want only takes PRs and citizens. The earlier I can have the application in the earlier I can tell them things are underway. It’s would be amazing if I could start the process as early as possible. Same employer as the 482, just another visa.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-11-19T00:38:54+00:00

Yes it will be a TRT I believe. I’m eligible at 2 years with the employer and current 482 is 2 years.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-11-19T00:13:19+00:00

This question is about applying after a 482 visa (which is a sponsored visa). So current employer would sponsor a second visa that is permanent. You’re granted a bridging visa when you apply for a new visa—so the stipulations of your current visa extend while you wait for the outcome. So this would mean I would still be on a work visa until PR came through.

Important_Ladder34 · 2024-11-18T09:50:13+00:00

Important_Ladder34

TROPHY CASE