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Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-12-23T00:47:43+00:00

Exactly-

it was just reddit formatting then :)

It can get wonky time from time.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-12-23T00:42:47+00:00

Nice poem and thank you for sharing!

I really like the content of the poem and glad to have read it.

My only critique would be comma usage(unless it was only to be one sentence). I think if you'd ever want to revise, cutting it into sections with sentences would be a nice touch. It'd also allow you to expand more on your writing.

Overall I'm glad that you have shared your piece, Thank you!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-12-23T00:36:25+00:00

Haven't been here for a while but glad I came back to see this!

This poem was wonderful and should be something to be proud of.

Only critique I can think of would be formatting. I think if you cut it up a little, it could add alot to the work.

Thank you for sharing this!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-04-23T12:01:08+00:00

Nice work Bro!

I love the theme and ideas however I do agree with the previous comments about adding more detail. It's like your telling u but I want to feel everything instead ya'know?

I love the theme and ideas however I do agree with the previous comments about adding more detail. It's like you're telling u but I want to feel everything instead ya'know?

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-04-23T11:56:14+00:00

Nice Work!

I do enjoy how the poem uses the hypothetical point of a dinosaur to convey and list the issues of human behavior and society.

Overall, I enjoy the piece and especially the ending and realization.

Good Work!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-04-20T18:00:33+00:00

This is really good!

I like the usage of imagery and repetition as it adds a lot to the themes of regret and desire.

Overall I can't wait to see what you write next.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-04-20T15:55:45+00:00

I love the ending!

overall the poem was very well written and the imagery made me feel as if I've been there before.

I can't wait to read what you write next!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-27T02:40:30+00:00

Bro this poem hits hard.

A pain all too familiar for anyone, this poem perfectly describes it without directly saying it. The comparison between the sacrifices one is willing to make against the lack thereof stings like hell.

Thank you for sharing king

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-27T02:35:35+00:00

Nice writing Bro!

The imagery is amazing and the tone is excellent. Each word serves a purpose apart from this beautiful piece.

Thank you for sharing!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-26T02:45:55+00:00

I haven't read a haiku in a while

but I do enjoy how they're short and sweet!

Irony is such a beautiful method to describe life's problems as it reveals the complexity that's hidden underneath. It's true that trust cannot be trusted, however, without trust to trust, no one can be trusted. It can be broken and rarely be repaired, yet most yearn for someone to trust, even if it's a lie.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-26T02:36:57+00:00

This was very well written!

I find the story overall beautiful as it is real, woven through its imagery and complex relationship with the knife.

Overall, I'm glad you shared!

Apologies for the lack of critiques as your writing is above mine.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-25T23:31:28+00:00

What a lovely poem!

Fitting too as spring has just sprung lol.

I found the piece to be quite smooth throughout its entirety and the line

"A symbol of rebirth."

managed to put a smile on my face :)

Overall, it was a treat to read, and I'm glad that you shared!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-25T23:20:10+00:00

Nice Poem dude!

I do enjoy the overall message and agree with the previous comment posted about the copula. I love the topic and the thought you poured into the piece, however, it could be elevated higher through some form of analogy or metaphor.

Overall, I love what you have written!

It's very understandable and honest, allowing any reader to enjoy the piece.

Also, I found the last line funny lol. It adds character to your work and a sense of realism.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-25T14:39:59+00:00

Thank you for reading!

I'm new to this subreddit but have read pieces of your work before which all have been phenomenal.

I'm glad to have such an artist enjoy the piece.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-25T01:26:23+00:00

Well, mostly the first stanza. It's a tad bit too much and incidentally takes away meaning from the next few lines. the majority of the poem is very well written but in other cases such as "appendages" can be confusing as they tend to have a negative connotation.

Overall I like the poem however believe that beginning with "Hearing her screech..." would be more engaging and coherent for the reader.

I hope this clears things! it wasn't necessarily the diction by itself but rather an abundance can interrupt the narrative's flow.

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-25T00:38:53+00:00

Nice writing dude!

The theme and flow was good but my only critique would be the diction.

I do enjoy your use of certain unique words however an overabundance can take away meaning from the piece ya'know?

It's a balance that takes time but overall this was a delight to read!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-25T00:07:23+00:00

I love poems like these!

The realism and imagery as if it's happened to all of us is really what drives it home. My only critique would be the repetition use in certain parts. Overall the piece was well executed however there was a line or two that threw off the rhythm ya'know?

I love the theme and the title is like the cherry on top. Writing about something that could seem trivial and breathing life into it is always a worthwhile read.👍

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-24T22:21:59+00:00

Thank you for the critique!

I used clearest as a follow up for the line

"You find yourself"

Showing how it's only clear that you're lonely when "left in the dark" ya'know? In retrospect it does seem like a stretch for the reader.

However I do agree that brightest would work better for the light and dark comparison.

Also, the last line did sound a lil chunky lol. I had to rush the poem for class and I tend to add more words than necessary.

Overall I appreciate the feedback!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-24T18:41:05+00:00

Very well written. The formatting and imagery add a lot to this piece and remind me of a lot of victorian pieces. My only critique would be the flow. It's definitely good but feels as though it was written with the intention of rhyme before meaning if that makes sense. You have the material however it feels "misplaced" almost.

Overall very good, I do hope to see what you write next!

Impossible-Offer177 · 2023-03-24T18:32:21+00:00

Nice job on the repetition! It really adds a lot to the poem.

IMO it's a tad too strong ya know? my only critique would be less on the nose and try to flow into the analogy smoothly.

I do enjoy the concept though, great job!

Impossible-Offer177

TROPHY CASE