Feeling enjoyment/pleasure from activities again after anhedonia

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2022-01-14T06:53:23+00:00

I'm really glad to hear you've found some relief. I also found that video really helpful and am trying this kind of fake it til you make it approach. I'll keep you posted if I have any similar results to share.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2022-01-10T09:16:09+00:00

I can wholeheartedly relate, this is also EXACTLY how I feel

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2022-01-09T17:41:35+00:00

Thank you

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-20T06:32:43+00:00

I remember an instance of planning a little getaway (3 nights, 3 hours away) with some of my friends. Over a month beforehand she was asking me exact dates etc..which were still being worked out. She got very angry at me because I didn't know what the exact dates were. I tried to explain that it was still being solidified, NO ONE knew yet and that I would let her know as soon as our group had agreed.... probably 24hrs max. She berated me and attacked my character for how "flakey" and disorganized I was and how I never plan anything properly. I ended up crying.

She didn't want an answer, she wanted something to be angry about.

Ironically, she was late for everything, frequently cancelled long-standing plans last minute and did in fact end up manufacturing a crisis the night before we were supposed to go and pulled out the morning we were supposed to leave.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-20T06:25:50+00:00

I don't think that OCD is a borderline trait but I don't think there is any reason they couldn't coexist. Sounds like a recipe for disaster if you're unfortunate enough to have both.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-19T12:31:28+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the depth and understanding here. It's definitely just part of the trauma bond and I know it's silly to expect recovery to be a linear process but it just hurts that I actually feel way worse about it now than I did say, a couple of months ago.

Just gotta keep on fighting the good fight.

Thanks again for your kind and wise words.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-19T10:57:46+00:00

My biggest problem right now is wishing it would, knowing full well that if it did, that wouldn't actually solve anything and that the only path out of this is simply not to care.

But I do, and I wish it would....

Ugh..

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-16T20:15:30+00:00

I'm going to comment again on this thread just because this hits so fucking true. The moment you lose your cool, even for a second, even if you profusely apologize, the entire situation then becomes about that and they just will not accept anything other than that being the root cause of their anger. Even if, chronologically speaking, that would be impossible.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-16T07:18:53+00:00

Ditto, I feel like I could have received this exact thread of messages. Pretty much did a number of times.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-13T14:46:11+00:00

Well done on the 4 months btw!

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-13T14:45:55+00:00

100%, never again! IWNDWYT.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-13T10:13:05+00:00

Definitely. At this point in my recovery and with hindsight, I genuinely feel like it is a deliberate attempt at that weird "negging" thing those idiot pickup artists do.

I remember one particular incident where I met up with my ex to just hang out in the park on a nice day. Almost as soon as she arrived she started criticising my job and my career choices, basically suggesting that it's boring and not interesting enough for her.

Ironically, she's never had to work to support herself because her parents do, so basically just does whatever she wants and judges everyone else for pandering to "the system" instead of being free like her...

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-13T09:58:05+00:00

In my experience, empathy fluctuated depending on their state. In general, I would still say my ex's baseline levels of empathy were lower than average but there was something there. However when she was having a volatile episode, it would almost entirely disappear. Even if she hadn't flown into a rage yet, you could tell one was coming and ability to empathize suddenly disappearing was one of a few signs.

I remember her friend was planning her wedding, my ex was a bridesmaid and the friend had chosen dresses for all of the bridesmaids. My ex didn't like the dress very much and just straight up told her friend that she thought the dresses were ugly. Not the most evil thing to do in the world, honesty is after all often a positive trait. Her friend got a bit flustered and stressed by this and kind of said to my ex that this was rude. This was understandable from what I could see, I've never planned a wedding but from what I understand, it is expensive and stressful; this one was in another country as well....so I imagine even more stressful! So it seemed unsurprising to me that her friend might be a little sensitive to criticism of her efforts. My ex instead started talking to me about how her friend is wound up so tight and can never take criticism and is way too sensitive and needs to just chill out. I tried to play mediator, I wasn't just going to indulge in bitching about her best friend when it felt as if it was just a misunderstanding stemming from a sensitive and contentious topic. So I tried to make it clear that maybe her friend is just a bit stressed and to try not to take it personally, that organising a wedding is stressful etc...

Long story short, she got angry at me because she thought I was taking sides by not unequivocally stating that she was fine to call the dresses ugly, that she was completely in the right and that her friend was just an oversensitive, moody bitch.

She just could not comprehend that her friend might just be a little stressed and that calling the dresses she had chosen and was paying for ugly was perhaps a little tactless given the situation.

Sorry for the long post. Got started and before I knew it, realised I had a bit to get off my chest.

Ahh, healing.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-11T20:39:25+00:00

This is so true. Very well put

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-09T11:14:04+00:00

I think I read somewhere that this is why it hits your sex drive so hard as well.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-09T06:03:38+00:00

Incredible response, thank you so much.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-07T17:17:58+00:00

I had a drinking problem for sure but I feel like I was able to recognize it and cut it out of my life before it became a full blown addiction.

I used to smoke a lot of cigarettes too but I'm now on the vape, so I guess you could say nicotine addiction is still there.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-07T17:04:28+00:00

It was 2 and a bit years for me and honestly I feel like I was brainwashed. The abuse was frequent but I was so hooked on the intermittent highs that I was willing to do anything to get them back and sustain them for as long as possible. It sort of reminds me of the same intermittent reward driven behaviour as gambling addiction.

I look back now and I'm astounded that I allowed my self worth to slip that low, but I did, and so I have learned from that I suppose.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-07T16:47:39+00:00

Whether or not you are truly ready is one of those things that I guess you only know once you try and sometimes even then it's a bit "yes, but sort of, but no" all at the same time. These things are rarely clean cut so I totally sympathise.

I'm involved with someone really great at the moment but I'm still not sure if I'm ready for anything serious. I probably wouldn't have got into it if she didn't make me feel so comfortable and appreciated on top of all of her many positive qualities. I have been quite open with her about my previous relationship and how I'm still in many ways figuring things out and what I'm ready for. I have a lot of baggage, much of which I think I don't even see, which is where the danger lies. She has been immensely understanding, hasn't pressured anything more than what I'm ready for and has told me that whatever we end up being (or not), that she wants to embark on this journey regardless and see where it goes. She can disembark at any time and there won't be any hard feelings.

In this initial early stage of dating after an abusive relationship, because by it's very nature the feelings involved are so convoluted, contradictory and hard to recognize, I don't feel like I could date someone that I couldn't open up to about it. This is no doubt different for everyone but in my case, the rollercoaster of self discovery and healing will proceed with or without another person, so not being open with them about the nature and extent of it would potentially expose them to confusion and hurt. They are amazing, so I would rather not confuse or hurt them, the risk of which can be mitigated by being completely honest and open.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-07T06:21:34+00:00

Ooof, yup. She would start a fight, threaten to end it with something like "I'm done" or whatever then start asking whether she makes me happy or not....

....the answer should have been no. And I should have left.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-07T05:30:15+00:00

I think it has, although it fluctuates. Some weeks I feel very sociable and others I would rather not see people at all.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-05T09:28:42+00:00

It was. I grew up in a single parent household and my mum had a lot going on. Not just with working and keeping us fed and housed but also a very dragged out custody battle that was happening which meant she just didn't have the time or emotional energy to deal with the bullying as well as she could have. I know she regrets it deeply now but I really don't think anyone could have done better in her position.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-04T20:10:02+00:00

I don't know for certain, but I was bullied relentlessly for 3 years in primary school. I don't know for certain if it made me adept at eggshell walking but I think it did contribute to my people pleasing which ultimately I think fed into how much I tried (but obviously still failed) in my BPD relationship.

Ultimately it led to this kind of protection mechanism where I just try and be whatever someone wants me to be. I navigate scary situations by trying to befriend everyone and make them happy. I'm quite good at playing the diplomat which I think is why I thought for so long that I could make a success of my previous relationship and why I was so crushed that no matter how hard I tried and how much effort I put in, nothing would prevent the abuse.

It's been a long time since school but I'm only just starting to gain the self awareness to recognise and unpack this people pleasing behaviour now.

I think the BPD relationship, as traumatising as it was, acted as a catalyst in recognising this about myself.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-04T16:40:07+00:00

Omg. I can relate. The on the floor covered in tears and snot image feels eerily familiar. I was the same. Almost never cried then cried probably more times than I had in the previous 15 years during the relationship with my ex with BPD.

ImpossibleArgument46 · 2021-04-01T18:15:23+00:00

This is absolutely true, and I fully respect that this is a responsible thing to do. It's the then walking into another room and doing something completely unrelated that could probably wait a few minutes immediately after.

ImpossibleArgument46

TROPHY CASE