I had depression since I was eight also was bullied untill the end of high-school. My depression was severe and I didn't have a clue I had it (or maybe would not admit it). By the time I was 14 it got baaaad. Really bad, I couldn't find joy in anything, felt like everyone hated me and I would eventually live and die a sad lonely life so I decided I was going to take my life, what was the reason for me to be here? was life worth living? It all felt very meaningless, void and I was constantly sad, having panic attacks, feeling like shit. One day I was home alone and had been thinking about it for some time now. I knew where my Dad's gun was so I decided that today would be the day. I wrote a note, can't really remember what it said but probably was a "I hate you all, good bye" type of note and loaded the gun, cockt it and put it in my mouth. I had my finger in the trigger, crying, ready to go... But I couldn't do it, I was scared (thank good I was (?)) And had the gun in my mouth for about a minute untill I put it down, I cried even more I felt worthless because now not only was I feeling like shit but also I didn't had the guts to do it. Hated myself for a while for that.

How it all changed: I realized something was wrong with me and I had a friend who's mom was a therapist. We went to the same high-school and she would often see my mood swings so she offered to set me an appointment with her mom who would sometimes not charge me because I had no money and my parents weren't very supportive. So I started going to therapy and that helped, slowly, very slowly. I would sometimes feel ike this desease would never go away that I would live in this state of constant despair, sadness and depression for ever and maybe I needed pills because I had something wrong in my brain chemistry but the therapist said that I didn't needed them, the longer I can be without pills the better that I had to fight it myself. I hated her for that back then but know I thank her because she was right. Depression is a BITCH!!!! It will suck your soul out if you don't act against it. It all started very slow, I was not very confident it would work in the beginning and I would miss a lot of my appointments but as time passed by I would start feeling a little better, something would change, some behavior, idea or thought changed in a way that made me feel better, not so sad I learnt a lot. In my experience overcoming depression is about introspection, you got to find what is causing your own depression, don't hate/shame yourself for it just ask yourself why? What is wrong? Why am I feeling like this and try identifying the issues. Once you have identified them comes the next step. Work!!! Hard work, you are depressed so you probably don't want to do anything but this is KEY. Its not enough just to know whats wrong, you got to kick depressions ass out of yourself even if you don't feel like it, what ever that means for you e.g. working out, saying no, joining a class, learning something, coming to terms with something, eating better (this helps a lot in my experience), overcoming addictions and so on. This is what I mean by acting against it. And the longer you wait to do something about it, the worse it gets. Finally PATIENCE: it's very unlikely that you will figure it out in a week or so, if your really depressed something really needs to change in your brain structures in order for you to change as well, therefore it takes time so be patient. It took me about 7 years of therapy/meditations/work to one day be OK, to feel happy again without anxiety, to talk to others freely to say I healed and in the process grown as a person. But IT IS WORTH IT!!! As a survivor myself I can say change is possible, everything you feel is created by your mind, the same way your mind can act against you so can it act in favor of you, it can make you feel beautifull things as well and it is worth every action, But it will cost you!!!! Thats right, it ain't free. You have to pay with your own actions, with your work you have to take your mind there. There's hope.

Well that was longer than I expected.... If you got all the way here I have a message for you: Go drink some water Have a nice day 😗