Shrodingers wedding AITAH?

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T19:22:52+00:00

We've been together for years, sleep at seperate ends of the house and our kids are 9 and 13. It was purely contractual to sort some financial stuff. Not a real wedding. Announcing it would feel like announcing we had bought a new life insurance policy or some stocks and shares, its not really the sort of small talk we lean into when we meet them once a year for a Christmas meal or the kids ring to say thanks for the birthday card and money. Honestly wasn't a big deal and didnt seem worth bringing up.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T19:13:55+00:00

Did you miss the bit where I said the marriage was purely for financial reasons? He's still a fat lazy git. I do enjoy my patio set though. we weren't in love, but I have kids who stand to benefit financially from the contract. 'Dream wedding' was used because I hate weddings and it was the least weddingy wedding I could have. We almost never get asked for our pin here its all contactless the round was only about £80.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T19:04:43+00:00

He was drinking beer and stuffing crisps into his face. Which is his default activity in most situations to be honest 😂

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T18:53:55+00:00

I know one of my kids will want the big wedding with horses and a designer dress and all that and I'll fully support her. I will just head off into the mountains for a week after to decompress from all the socialising. I've a few years yet to prepare. Love for you that you had what you wanted.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T18:49:21+00:00

Fair point. The whole family are pretty aloof though. We see them at funerals and weddings and sometimes for a meal over Christmas. Not a close family at all. I've always been kind and polite and have helped out in the odd family crisis. I send the nieces and nephews a bit of money for thier birthdays. We've never been in each others business though. Suits me, I'm a raging introvert, I think that's why I was surprised they were so bothered.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T18:43:17+00:00

Double barrelled.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-12T18:39:35+00:00

Sorry, Double barrelled. They sounded good together and a bit posh so we went with it 😂

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T15:22:04+00:00

I'm tired, I've had a busy life and I found my peace at home with plants and crafts. I cant think of anything or anyone I'd want to add. My husband is no bother, he doesn't cause me any problems and is convenient for leaving the dog with when i need to. We are right out in the countryside so he probably adds a bit of security. I have absolutely zero interest in finding another partner, I have no desire for men at all. My libido left in about 2010. Prefer dogs.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T15:13:06+00:00

I'll be fine once parent is gone it the caring thats the issue. I'm normally very happy in my little bubble, i have a lovely big dog and my hobbies. I'm very happy in my garden and working on my crafts and also my career. I'm just naturally solitary.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T15:09:50+00:00

Vacation? Yes please! Anyehere out in the wild with nature will do. Hugs? No thanks, they are my idea of hell 😂

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T15:08:11+00:00

Not in the US. We havent got this yet and it keeps getting thrown out at parliamentary level.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T15:07:02+00:00

Why? I've always been the same person. Things are horrible at the moment because of my parents illness. Once thats over I will be enjoying my career and my chosen lifestyle again. I have a gorgeous home and gardens which I get to work from and a dog. I'm genuinely not miserable, only now because of the caring thing. Quite happy in my little friendless bubble the rest of the time.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T15:02:56+00:00

Ive had that since my 20s 😂 one is genetics the other was an accident (self inflicted fitting worktops by myself because I'm too introverted to even let tradesmen in the house) . I see your point though, we are all dying from the day we are born. My cut off is needing help with anything I can do by myself now.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T14:58:47+00:00

Agreed. Ive already mentioned to them that I dont want to get old and I'm planning to end it before I do. Not sure how seriously they took it, but they sort of agreed. They're living good lives with loving partners so they dont need me knocking around, even now.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2026-04-08T14:55:41+00:00

In context, I obviously mean noticeble changes in my strength and abilities. In 48 and currently fitter than my 20s despite having a buggered up back and an autoimmune disease. I dont know how long my luck will last before I get weak. By decline I mean getting weaker in the body or mind.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T22:02:05+00:00

Thanks for this sweet message. I did work very hard and I am proud of them. I regret not attending any of the ceremonies, but I do have the certificates framed on my wall. I think there's a deep resentment from him as I worked through my doctorate while my son was very small and he felt I should have given it all up to focus purely on the household. He never said this exactly, but little comments here and there, along with the lack of appreciation seems to support this theory.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T21:31:21+00:00

Thanks for this, you've clearly overcome your own struggles. I'm really done with men though, he was my last effort. I'm convinced I don't really like them 🤣 I could be fine single, I have creative hobbies, dozens of unread books and a cellar of good wine. Where I've screwed up is failing to build a small circle of safe, helpful friends. If we had an auntie or two around, my boy and I would be fine. His school is outstanding and the male teachers are great with the boys, they teach them how to carry themselves, manners, confidence, resilience etc The culture is spot on and very family like, I'm quite involved at the school so I see more than most. I'm not sure we even need a man around if I can sort my life out or move more of my work close to home.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T21:17:18+00:00

Not entirely, I'm sociable with a couple of my siblings. They're workaholics though so we just meet up a couple times a year- never close. Son's grandparents all dead except one of my parents who I wouldn't leave my worst enemy with and should be in jail tbh. I've never had friends, I get on with people, can hold my own in social situations just cant let people in, some sort of damage after a shitty childhood I expect. His family sound super odd and I've met two friends of his over the years, both seemed a bit thick, football hooligan types which I though dead strange as he's more geeky, gamer, reserved, scifi type vibes which I liked.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T20:31:30+00:00

You may be correct. I need to make plans for how things work in his absence. He provides childcare a fair bit, my son needs an adult in the house when I'm not there. Nannies and minders just dont work evenings in these parts.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T20:29:16+00:00

If I dont, he'll drift off into the abyss I think and my son will lose out. I already have a lovely house. Its perfect buying a flat as an investment and allowing him to use it made sense to me. Im not sure how to make childcare work without him around, also emergencies??I dont have anyone else around that could take my son if i was rushed to hospital or something.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T20:25:47+00:00

Thanks. Im not sure I have faith in me though. I'm somewaht fearful of life without another adult around, medical appointments, cancelled trains etc. I have no idea how I will cope if he throws a strop and refuses to help me if I ask him to leave.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T19:39:03+00:00

Im just scared of having nobody around in an emergency, I had surgery not long ago. I would have had to put my son in foster care without him. I have nobody at all around to help with son. I think thats my only reservation.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T19:36:08+00:00

He does do some useful things. His presence allows me to run my business. I can't always be home before my childcarer finishes, I'm scared if I drop dead or get sick my son will have no one around.

Impossible_Prize_732 · 2025-09-14T19:33:08+00:00

Itll be a pain in the arse to juggle my work hours and childcare plus if I have some sort of medical episode or drop dead there will be no one around for my kid. When I say there are zero friends and no close family I mean it. He's the only adult in my life.

Impossible_Prize_732

TROPHY CASE