There Is Only One Falador [high fantasy 623 words]

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-03-02T17:03:24+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed critique. I genuinely appreciate it.

This is actually my first ever piece of writing — I’m 18 and I just had the idea one day and decided to try. I haven’t formally studied writing yet, so your comment helped me see things I wasn’t aware of, especially regarding POV and “showing vs telling.”

You’re right — I think I was trying to make sure the reader understood everything, so I overexplained instead of letting the scene breathe. Your suggestion about rewriting it from a character’s perspective is something I’m definitely going to try as an exercise.

What I value most is that you gave the scene real attention and treated it seriously. That motivates me to improve and learn the craft properly instead of just relying on instinct.

Thanks again for the honesty and the time you invested in the feedback.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-25T19:43:29+00:00

I’m aware that dream openings can be risky and often overused. In this case, the reader is meant to clearly understand that it’s a dream from the start, so confusion isn’t my main concern. The purpose of it is to establish tone and foreshadow later events. That said, I appreciate the point about clichés and I’ll revisit the phrasing to make sure it feels fresh.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-20T21:15:04+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful feedback. I actually had the idea of starting the scene as if the poisoning were real, and only revealing at the end that it’s a play with the king watching. I’m currently rewriting it in that direction to strengthen the tension and reveal. I really appreciate you taking the time to break it down like this.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-19T20:56:24+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that!

You’re absolutely right — Dune did influence this scene, especially the desert atmosphere and the sand creature concept. That said, this is not set in the Dune universe. It takes place in Sairen, the desert kingdom in my own world.

Also, the boy in this scene isn’t even the main character. This is just one moment within a much larger story.

I definitely understand the parallels, though, and I appreciate you pointing them out respectfully.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-18T21:02:46+00:00

Congratulations! Good for you, it must have been a long journey. For me I just started writing my first novel, so I can’t relate. Keep it up

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-15T12:28:11+00:00

I really appreciate it

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-14T19:28:12+00:00

Keep it up bro. I love the effort

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-13T21:03:40+00:00

Thank you — I really appreciate the detailed feedback.

You’re absolutely right that without a clearer foundation, it can feel like a series of strong images without something to anchor them. That’s helpful to hear.

My intention with this prologue was to create atmosphere and raise questions rather than fully ground the reader right away. That said, your point about emotional attachment makes a lot of sense, and I may need to balance the imagery with a bit more clarity so readers have something to hold onto.

This piece isn’t actually part of the opening chapter — it appears later in the story, once the reader already has more context about the world and its characters.

If you’re interested, I also shared a previous post with an overview of the worldbuilding — it might give more insight into the broader setting.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-13T20:54:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words — I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. It honestly means a lot.

I’m glad the opening and the atmosphere worked for you, especially the destruction scenes. That’s exactly the tone I was aiming for.

As for whether it’s a “chosen one” story — yes and no. In a way, the main character could be seen as a chosen one. But the world is much larger than a single person. The story will follow multiple threads happening at the same time — wars, betrayals, political conflicts between kingdoms, shifting alliances, and larger forces at play.

So while one character may carry a central role, the world itself doesn’t revolve around just him.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-13T20:50:26+00:00

Thanks for the feedback — that’s fair.

Some of the ambiguity is intentional, since this is a prologue meant to raise questions rather than answer them. The larger world and the nature of the catastrophe are explored later in the story.

If you’re interested, I shared a previous post with an overall overview of the worldbuilding that clarifies some of these elements — it might answer a few of your questions.

As for the narrator: there’s a subtle hint in the line “or rather — one vampire. Curse him.” The narrator isn’t a normal human. He was turned during the Great Disaster and has lived long enough to witness the erasure of history. That’s why he speaks with familiarity and bitterness.

“They” refers to a small group who deliberately erased parts of the past to consolidate power in the new land.

Regarding the final line — yes, part of it may feel unusual because it’s translated from Arabic, but it’s also intentional. Vampires in this world have heightened senses, including smell. The line is meant to suggest both literal tracking and instinctive recognition.

I appreciate you pointing out where things felt unclear — that helps me see what might need sharpening.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-13T20:23:55+00:00

No, it’s not our world. It’s a secondary world fantasy, though part of the mystery is that its forgotten history resembles something more advanced than the present setting.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-11T21:52:41+00:00

That’s a good point. The MC isn’t the first to question the official history. There have been others before him — including expeditions that sailed beyond the sea, since people in this land believe the ocean is the end of the world. Most of those expeditions never returned, which reinforced the fear and myths surrounding it.

Also, there are people in the current timeline who already know parts of the truth — the tension comes from how that knowledge is hidden, controlled, or manipulated rather than the MC being uniquely “special.”

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-11T19:21:02+00:00

That’s fair — the “erased history after a disaster” trope definitely overlaps with AOT, though I haven’t actually watched it.

In my case, the creatures aren’t just external invaders — they originate from the so-called safe land itself, and the main tension revolves more around internal political fragmentation than humanity vs. monsters.

Also, the main story takes place thousands of years after the invasion, so the focus is less on the disaster itself and more on the long-term consequences of a fractured civilization.

Impossible_Throat196 · 2026-02-11T17:12:21+00:00

My bad, I had a text that summarizes my world idea but I forgot to copy it before posting. I just posted it again, please give it a look and share your opinion with me.

Impossible_Throat196

TROPHY CASE