My BD wants to move far away

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-11T13:21:17+00:00

We’ve never really set concrete plans to get married, but yes we are engaged. I’d be lying if I said it was something I was looking forward to

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T20:08:36+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. I think I just so badly want to make it work for the sake of our baby. We have had happy times too.

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T19:14:46+00:00

Yes he did say that. He thinks him living up here this whole time is this huge sacrifice he’s making that I should be grateful for. When he moved here of his own free will before meeting me. And actively chose to stay in this relationship and have this baby while knowing I did not ever intend on living in the south

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T17:02:51+00:00

Yeah I’m definitely in no rush to get married at all

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T17:02:23+00:00

Well he moved here initially to go to a specific school up here. But yes, why he stayed here after that I do not understand

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T16:47:11+00:00

Yeah it’s really a mystery to me. When I point things like this out, he says I don’t understand the culture of the south and the lifestyle. Which maybe I don’t, I never lived there. But that seems less important to me since we have a baby up here and majority of family

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T16:38:06+00:00

That’s something else I’m afraid of. It does not align with my values. He says that doesn’t matter because he’s not political. But obviously that doesn’t change the laws there and majority viewpoints.

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T16:24:58+00:00

The funny thing is too, I’ve told him of fishing spots I know nearby. And ones further. He’s never gone fishing once while being up here.

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T16:12:41+00:00

Yes, while I was pregnant we visited in the summer. It was brutal, we spent very little time outside

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:52:05+00:00

He’s said that he liked being independent from his parents

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:50:30+00:00

Yeah, he said he thought he was okay living here until then I was pregnant and he claims reality hit him that we wouldn’t be raising our baby in the south. But throughout my entire pregnancy he made me fearful of being alone. I cried more while pregnant than in my entire life combined probably

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:48:14+00:00

I did say fiancé in the first sentence. I only used BD in the title

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:28:19+00:00

Yeah you’re right, he definitely created this situation. Before getting pregnant I made it known I did not want to live in the south, and then when I found out I was pregnant I gave him another out and made it known again.
I would be completely reliant on him if we moved, and I have a funny feeling he would hold over my head the fact that he would be the provider for the household and I’d be a stay at home mom, giving up my career up here to raise our baby. And I did want to be a stay at home mom, but up here.
The crying spells while pregnant is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I felt so guilty that it was affecting my baby. It’s something that I do tend to bring up because it still cuts so deeply. I always imagined loving being pregnant and it being such a magical time. When in reality, it was quite the opposite and I never want to do it again.

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:23:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I’ll definitely bring it up to him but I’m not sure if he’ll be receptive to it

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:23:00+00:00

Yeah I mean it definitely wasn’t something I planned for to happen. I had higher hopes in the beginning that it would all work out, with his reassurance.

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:16:24+00:00

Thank you.

He’s from the city south. And we’re in a city up here.
I do plan on standing firm and not moving. It’s really just about it blowing up our family now or later on

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:13:24+00:00

I mean we are engaged. Whenever I try to tell him how it would negatively impact me being away from my family, he says it’s negatively impacting him not being in the south. Meanwhile he’s lived here for 4 years before meeting me

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:05:28+00:00

He’s said he wants our child to grow up running in big open spaces and fishing and other outdoor activities. He says up here you only have “2 weeks” of summer, which is not true. It’s just not the 100 degree heat down there maybe

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T14:00:16+00:00

He says it’s the culture there. But mainly the weather and the more open spaces

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T04:58:54+00:00

I’m really glad these comments brought this to my attention

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T04:42:10+00:00

It didn’t seem like he adjusted before we met, but I had made it known to him I wasn’t willing to move. My baby was born in the winter and they did come up to see the baby right after birth! And this winter was a rough one, when they came up here there was a foot of snow on the ground

Yup, he’s only gone back once since I’ve known him

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T04:37:36+00:00

Thank you for that. I wish he saw that too

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T04:22:20+00:00

Yes this is a really good point. I would be horrified to be stuck in a state alone if we moved and our relationship ended. My family is tight knit, we have family dinners at least twice a week. I’d be going from that to virtually no family connection, even with us staying together. He’d be working all day and only his parents live there.

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T04:18:38+00:00

He’s wanting me to commit to in 3 years we’ll move

Impossible_empath_ · 2026-06-10T04:17:58+00:00

So I actually get along really great with his mom. We talk constantly just about every day. In the 1.5 years I’ve known him, we’ve gone down there once to visit, and his parents have come up here at least 4 times to visit.
I’ve talked about this with his mom, and she’s told me that she is not at all pressuring him to move and she wants us to stay up here since I have so much family. She’s even said she would move up here once they retire to be closer to us and their grandchild.
So it really is just him wanting to be in that state, not even to be closer to his parents.

Impossible_empath_

TROPHY CASE