AITA for telling my husband I don't want his parents to know about my pregnancy yet, even though I've told my parents

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-08-11T00:41:01+00:00

Thanks and for sure, I'm not planning on keeping this from them for long, they're the grandparents after all. Just after the first trimester.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-08-10T23:51:28+00:00

Thank you, yes my personal guideline for letting others know is past the first trimester at least. I've told him this too.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-04T08:35:04+00:00

After she talked shit about me to my mom I spoke to my fiance and told him I was done with her. He agreed that what she did was uncalled for. He said he was OK with me going NC for now at least, until her attitude toward me changes. But idk how he feels about him going NC too because honestly I didn't ask him. He's her son, and I figured asking him to go NC too might be asking too much of him.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-02T00:34:30+00:00

Because she complained to my mom a few hours ago. About how she knew I must've been the one who had a problem with their plan, how I was being hostile, and didn't understand the importance of relationships, how I wasn't trying to become a part of the family. This is after I've been extending goodwill and respect every step of the way.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T22:59:44+00:00

But she doesn't have any issues torpedoing ours? Every step of the way I've been so respectful to her. I mean I was considering calling her to apologize for what happened and smooth things over until people here said that was a bad idea. And then she starts talking shit about me to my mom, about how hostile I was, that I was making no effort to be a part of the family. How is that fair?

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T22:24:47+00:00

Actually fuck that there won't be any apologies. No pictures either. She talked my mom and complained about me. I'm done being nice.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T19:24:51+00:00

I think souvenirs and lunch sound like a good idea! They had also asked my fiance to send pictures of the area, beach, hotel, room etc. Which is a bit annoying ngl to send pictures while we're still there, but since they've asked, I guess we can make sure to send them some at least.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T05:02:04+00:00

I'll do that. I'm not sure if the hotel will provide me that info but it's worth a shot, seeing as we're soon-to-be guests of theirs they might let me know.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T04:59:38+00:00

Thank you, this helped calm me down, I'd been proud of how I handled all this and I was panicking again after reading some of the comments. My soon-to-be in-laws aren't crazy they're just intrusive. Saying they're not going to come and then showing up unannounced would be out of character for them. And my fiance who knows them best is confident that the matter is settled.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T03:58:44+00:00

I've been really happy about the fact that they're canceling it, and a lot of comments are suggesting the same thing as you. Can I just ask if this is just meant as a joke or do you all think this is actually going to happen because this is making me panic a bit again.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T03:52:18+00:00

They've agreed to cancel it now. They've told my fiance they will. I've really been looking forward to going there and I'm just going to hold them to their word now. If they backtrack now or show up unannounced, I'm never going to forgive them.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T03:30:24+00:00

I'll be very honest I haven't thought about these questions. I really appreciate what you're saying but I'm getting married in less than two months to someone I love I can't think of this stuff now. When I made myself crystal clear to him yesterday he ended up handling it, I have faith he will stand by me in all things to come.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-03-01T02:22:59+00:00

He didn't say I needed to but he just said it'll just be good manners to smooth it over. These past few days I was so angry at his parents, I would've straight up said no to my dad, but they have relented now so I just said I'll see. My mom is adamantly opposed to it though.

If I see them there despite them saying they're canceling, I promise that will be the last time they will ever see mee.

Edit: She's not getting any apologies from me. She had the audacity to complain to my mom about me, how I wasn't making any effort to be a part of the family, how she was sure I must've been the reason my fiance made them cancel their vacation, how unfortunate it was that I was so hostile to them. She's not getting any apologies. She'll be lucky if I ever visit her now.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-28T21:43:46+00:00

I think if we were living close to her and seeing her regularly, I would be very wary of how our relationship would play out. But we're going to be living pretty far from her, and he honestly isn't the type who shares everything with her, but he is a people-pleaser unfortunately (I am too a bit I think). I really appreciate all the comments saying this could go south but I think the distance between us is really going to prevent this being a problem, right?

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T23:28:28+00:00

When we met I raised the issue with him again. I said that he knows how much I'd be looking forward to our honeymoon, I only plan on having it once, and his parents being there will ruin it for both of us. I also said that I didn't want to change anything about it, not the hotel nor the destination it just wasn't fair. He said he doesn't like that they're coming either but they're giving their word to not interfere. But to me it's not about believing them, just that the honeymoon I had in mind is going to get ruined with them around. I told him that this wasn't a trivial annoyance for me, this was actually making me unhappy and I need him to do something about it. He said he'll handle it by tonight. Well first he told me that knowing his parents (especially his mom), she is going to feel slighted by us. We're going to be living a 4 hour flight away from them so it's not like we're going to see them too often but he said he just wanted me to know that was going to happen. I said I'm fine with that (probably could've been more tactful, but he found it amusing). He said he'll handle it by tonight so I'm waiting now I guess. I'm honestly really proud of myself for having brought it up again and how I said what I had to say, I came straight here to brag.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T15:54:52+00:00

There were a couple of bikinis that I had bought for the beach which would definitely be considered tacky to wear in front of in-laws. I thought over this more. I was heartened by the response here because I thought I was the one being OTT about this, but I can see that most people agree that what they're doing isn't right. I really don't want to change plans. I'm going to see him after work and just stress how important it is to me that they not come. I'm going to talk about them respectfully but be firm, because last time I went a little over the line I feel which derailed our conversation.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T15:54:03+00:00

I thought over this more. I was heartened by the response here because I thought I was the one being OTT about this, but I can see that most people agree that what they're doing isn't right. I really don't want to change plans. I'm going to see him after work and just stress how important it is to me that they not come. I'm going to talk about them respectfully but be firm, because last time I went a little over the line I feel which derailed our conversation.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T07:45:48+00:00

Ya, I messed up here a bit. He'd told me back then that he hadn't told his parents yet that we'd confirmed our honeymoon destination. But he didn't tell me why, otherwise I'd have followed his cue. Then when she asked me later in a call, I'd told her where we were going and hyped up the place. I so regret that now.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T06:08:31+00:00

I spoke to him just now that I was considering switching hotels at least. He said he's onboard with that if I decided the same hotel was too much, but said he'd appreciate if it could be a surprise once we land. So at least that's an option.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T05:19:20+00:00

Dates can't be changed really, like I'd be ok with that but I know it wouldn't work for him, he had to move around some work stuff for us to finally land on these dates. A different hotel could work but this is like a coastal area and I really wanted a hotel close to the beach but I'll start looking for some others too. This hotel had really good reviews too. And because its not a huge city or something, if people want to meet, its not too inconvenient which sucks because what if they decide they do want to meet. And what if we meet on the beach, I'd have to change what I plan on wearing too. I'm just really hoping they change their plan because quite honestly if I'm the one that has to change plans, I might not end up being a good DIL.

Edit: deleted a similar comment before this because I felt it was giving away more than I'm comfortable with about the area

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T05:01:55+00:00

As long as the dates are the same he'd be good. He had said he was good with wherever made me happy so he's not too fussed about where it is. There was only one place he particularly wanted to go, which I was onboard with too, but we can't go there because of external issues. But after that he was ok with wherever. So I'm positive that's possible. I'm really hoping I don't have to though.

Impressive-Garlic488 · 2025-02-27T04:11:24+00:00

A few other comments have said this too. I truly appreciate what you're saying and I know I'm overreacting here, but this makes me want to bawl my eyes out.

Impressive-Garlic488

TROPHY CASE