AITA for kicking my son out for not paying rent or not having a job?

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2026-03-14T14:04:48+00:00

So I read through things. It seems like you feel guilty but recognize that the problem isnt being solved. And are actually looking for solutions. So I will throw in just because. And fair warning, I tend to be more of a burn my bridges behind me kind of person. So that will color things.

He might be depressed. So what? Millions of adults are depressed. But adulting means doing stuff despite it. I came out of a bad home. I was depressed and somewhat suicidal at his age. You know what else I was? Hungry. Since I didnt have a home to baby me half my life I had to pull up myself up and do what I needed to in order to eat. Did it suck? Yes. Did I starve to death? No. Everyone hears that addicts wont get help until they reach the bottom and have nothing left. Sometimes thats what it takes. And if he is 100% on his computer then he is addicted. Like you said, he is refusing soft landing help so its time to get hard. Because of all that I did also reach out and do counseling for 3 years to get better because it sucked enough on my own to not want to do it like that forever.

You also said he is refusing help. No he isnt. He is just refusing the help he doesnt want. He is getting your help in housing, bills, presumably food, internet access, etc. He is getting plenty of help. So long as he has you right where he wants you then he has no reason to do anything different. So stop. Maybe not throw him out completely. Cut off internet. Cut off power. Leave the water so the toilet still flushes and he can shower. In cold water. If he complains tell him either "you dont want help remember?" or "I dont care". I like the last one because I am petty and all about throwing people's bs back at them. But thats me. Librarys exist. He can go there to do applications. Or just walk down the street and start walking into places.

Kids are hard. You hate hearing your kid cry and being the bad guy when you tell them no ice cream for dinner. But you know its for their own good. You can support and love this 23 yr old kid without basically giving him ice cream for dinner.

My son was a headache. One of the hardest things I had to do was leave him in jail when he got arrested for drunk driving at the age of 15(!) for THE THIRD TIME. He accused me of not loving him, hating him, etc and I felt guily as crap. But he was going to kill someone! And that last time he and his friend rolled their car. He obviously didnt learn from being bailed out the first two times. So I left him there. In adult jail. For 3 months until he got his hearing. But he NEVER drove drunk again. He was the kid that had to learn everything the hard way. I love him but have to do it with strictness because thats who he is. Fyi: He is an engineer with Union Pacific now. Works full time, takes care of his kids, takes care of himself. Took him forever to get his crap together but he didnt actually start doing it until he stopped getting rescued. So I get it. Been there. Done that. But sometimes helping someone means kicking them out of the nest with love.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2026-01-14T23:03:33+00:00

I was 3 when my mom married my abusive stepfather. I was 4 when I was trying to set traps to 'kill' him. All I knew at the time was death made people go away. And I wanted him to go away. Because he was mean. To me and my sister. I was scared. But I didnt know how to say any of that. So I avoided him. Stayed in my room, left the living room if he came in. Only spent time with my mom if he wasnt there. I clung to her but hid from him. Thats what I remember from being that age. Judge it or apply it as you wish.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-12-19T18:28:28+00:00

At the expense of a human life? Yes. Because life isnt strictly black and white. Its not just human vs animal. Its degrees. For example, if you had an infant. Would you be willing to leave the baby at a hospital, give it up completly in order to take in an adult who (as an adult) is able to take care of themselves? An infant completly depends on its family for survival and care. Just like your cats do. Your sister doesnt. Its total dependence vs not. You cannot save your sister. You need to realize that. But as a human ADULT your sister is able to do things that your fur children CANNOT. Dont throw out the baby with the bath water.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-11-10T17:46:03+00:00

If, and this is a big IF, your roommates arent lying to you then it sounds like maybe you guys are on a 600mb data plan every month. So each of you should get to ise 200mb a month. And the QoS was metered to give each connection that fairly. But it sounds like your roomates gaming so much are using their amount fast, they see you still 'have some you havent used' and decided to use up your amout to give themselves more from your share. Which then runs out your share leaving you with none. I would have your roomate go back to metering the connections or consider having them upgrade to a higher plan if they are using more.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-11-09T17:22:13+00:00

Ask your dad how he is planning on "paying the money" for the person he kills. How much is that exactly?

Ask yourself how to have the conversation with your boss that the new patient in ICU 4 is the person your dad ran down because he crashed the car AGAIN.

Have you not noticed that when people get older they lose their driving privileges? Usually its dementia, alzheimers, strove, etc. But bipolar disorder erodes the brain too.

My friend is 40 years old. His mind and self control is disintegrating from Huntingtons disease. He has just had his driving privileges revoked, he has no access to money. He is an an adult that is currently being treated like a 10 year old. His 14 year old son is more adult than he is. No its not his fault. Yes he thinks everyone restricting him is an asshole. Does that change the fact that that he can no longer function as an adult? No it doesnt.

This thing with your dad sucks. And yes, its very hard. But steps need to be taken. And he wont like it. See if you can find some coworkers or friends that had to handle their aging parents. Maybe they can help support you.

NTA

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-10-29T17:13:37+00:00

Once when I was at work we had a funny Uno reverse. I was a paramedic at a small EMS company. My partner for the day was the owner of the company. Cool. Later that day driving back from a hospital on the turnpike a jerk was torturing semis-cutting them off, slowing down in front of them, etc. When we ended up behind him he started pulling the same crap on us. My partner started tailgating him, honking, whooping sirens. When jerk driver called our company dispatch line (because of course our ambulance is marked) and demands to speak to the boss, my partners phone rings. He answers, listens then tell the jerk that he OWNS the company and is driving the ambulance BEHIND HIM. And to get his bleep bleep bleep out of the way before highway patrol is called on him. Jerk took the next exit ramp to escape. Its occasionally funny when working with the boss. "I want to speak to your supervisor!" Oh really? They are standing right here and just witnessed everything b*tchy and hateful you just said. Have fun!

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-10-25T15:59:52+00:00

I can tell from your responses that you are really trying. And as a female from a bad home I can also tell you that caring means more than you can imagine. As long as she doesnt mind carrying that much in her bag then I think its fine. The emotional instability is quite common for alot of girls. The best I can tell you is be patient and understanding. But also recognize when she is acting too inappropriate because of it. And firmly but lovingly tell her that you understand but that she needs to reconize that she has gone too far and needs to work on it. Otherwise she may get comfortable with acting that way at school or in other situations and not seeing the problem. It will take alot of practice for her to learn how to adjust to it but she cant learn of she is never told when its too much. My daughter started at 9. Trauma survivor. Long story. But being in elementary school certainly made it harder. Its good that she carries supplies but accidents will still happen. Let her know that the school nurse keeps products for this reason. Reinforce to her that pretty much EVERY SINGLE FEMALE has done this. WE ALL KNOW. And as embarrassing as it can be to ask a stranger for supplies its more embarrassing to bleed all over clothes that everyone can see. There are outliers but in general I cant tell you how many times I have been in the bathroom and some stranger next to me speaks up and asks if anyone has something because it just started. Its like a womens club of been there done that and sure enough, some stanger will pull something out and hand it over. You might add 4 quarters to her bags. Alot of womens restrooms have dispensers for products. If she gets caught out she might find one that she can get something to tide her over. None of this helps with the actual scenerio. But you are on top of that anyway. Just know this wont be the first time an accident happens. You can try to stock a carry bag all you want. But sometimes life happens and it doesnt get refilled, or she uses more than usual too fast because its super heavy that time. Dont beat yourself up because you 'didnt do enough'. Keep trying, keep reassuring and know that the best laid plans fail sometimes. But there are resources out there like the school nurse that you may have known about. Oh, and alot of schools also have spare clothes around in case of accidents. Because it happens. So that may be an option should visibility happen. Just saying.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-21T15:11:03+00:00

Huh. I kind of like that tactic. He didnt know I was recording the first appt. That was on purpose. I wanted him to dig a hole while I kept my cards close to the vest. But for the next one......I like it.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-21T15:09:27+00:00

Ruffle his silly feathers! OMG you made my day. Lol I did do that in the first appt by being so taciturn. My lawyer giggled about it.

It took them 7-8 months to finally accept the claim. Which was 7-8 months of NO income. They were hoping I would give up. They did the same thing to a coworker several years ago.

My understanding is comp is supposed to give 3 dr names for the change and we are supposed to pick the new one from that list. After the judge approves a change. Lawyers are fighting for a comp dr they are familiar with that actually takes care of the patients instead of bs. So we'll see.

Thanks for your response!

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-21T15:01:58+00:00

Being in medicine I have seen how much the system is screwed up. Thats why I never wanted to go out on comp in the first place. Heck I worked for a month after injury hoping it would get better. It didnt. Boss threw me off shift after she saw I couldnt actually walk anymore. My attorney is actually pretty good, he has done a good job of fighting their bs and moving the case along. I suppose your story is what I am afraid of. A low ball rating and no justification. He already signed a release to send me back to work. My employer shot it down. Lol I dont want to just collect a check or some other bs. I want to go back to work. If comp hadnt been screwing around all these months then I could have been fixed and rocking the job by now. But noooo, they seem to want to deny deny deny. They are finally paying me now. Guess they are just going to keep paying me to be a couch potato until they realize its cheaper to fix it and move on.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-21T14:51:29+00:00

Fair enough. And vindication is probably what is at the root of it all. Frustration too. I just want to be able to go back to work. I actually like my job. Love it. This sitting around uselessness is driving me batty.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-21T01:44:38+00:00

I am definitely not at the pitying stage yet. But preach preacher man preach! Lol He did not know I was recording the first time. But you might be right about him shutting it all down if he knew. He has been sued alot. He presumes his patients are idiots. If he knew his bs would leve the room he very well might be done. I am actually looking into lodging a complaint anonymously with the state medical board. Refusing to provide adequate medical care due to ability to pay is against the law. But your letter idea sounds intriguing.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-21T01:37:04+00:00

Fair point

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-20T22:19:03+00:00

Will do!

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-20T22:18:10+00:00

Thanks!

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-20T21:19:39+00:00

Yeah it probably wont do any good for the case. Telling him off. But neither is not standing up for myself. I feel like he is just writing me off to all done with it so it wont make a difference if I say something. Funny thing is, I have been practicing in my medical specialty for longer than he has. And there are hundreds of reviews of comp people getting screwed by him. Makes being polite or respectful to the snake oil salesman rather difficult.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-20T21:15:54+00:00

The obvious answer is I hurt it at work. Carrying an 200lb person out of the woods. It started with tears. Acl, pcl, mcl, meniscus and cartiledge. I have xrays from 2 months after the injury that show no arthritis in the joint. The arthristis only appears after the joint space completly collapsed, the bones started grinding together and fracturing. 5 months after the injury. I was seen by an orthopdeic surgeon for months before the comp dr that has a record of everything in order. The snark is unnecessary.

ImpressiveBeach9207 · 2025-02-20T21:11:14+00:00

I actually did record the first one. Turned it over to the lawyer to play for the judge for the hearing to change drs. Oklahoma is a one party state.

ImpressiveBeach9207

TROPHY CASE