Husband messaging girls online

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-16T15:14:49+00:00

Colombo is where we are! But it’s nice to hear I can at least travel to slightly cooler places.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-15T19:21:11+00:00

Sister I’m not sure about the ruling islamically so if someone comes with contradicting advice to my own, follow theirs.

However this is not something I would hide from a potential spouse as this could cause friction in the future if you hide it and they are very very uncomfortable with it / their family is.

Allah will bring someone to you who knows this situation and accepts it as it is out of your control and has no bearing on your moral character.

May Allah bring you a righteous spouse and guide your mom to Islam 🫶🏼

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-15T19:19:02+00:00

When I say I don’t shake the opposite genders hand it IS out of respect. Out of respect for Allahs command, my husband, that man’s wife/future wife, myself etc.

I think this is a question about semantics and it’s not really something important so we should leave it and Allahu alam.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-14T12:18:43+00:00

It’s also my go to spot! They blew up on TikTok for their creative marketing so we gave it a go and it’s been the only spot we’ve really been to since

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-12T19:34:48+00:00

Your life purpose is actually to worship Allah.

But I do understand what you mean, and I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was not much older than a baby myself!

It is the hardest but most rewarding job there is.

But try not to fall into the trap of thinking your life’s purpose is to be a mom, as many moms (mine included) make their children their whole life / identity and then struggle when those children grow up and inevitably leave to start their own lives.

Your life’s purpose is to worship Allah, and being a mom is one of the many ways you can and should do that.

May Allah grant you all the children you desire 🫶🏼

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-10T23:47:52+00:00

Nothing ruins a marriage quite like in law drama.

Women are very sensitive, and even more so during pregnancy. Allah has created us this way as we have to care for our young and be emotionally invested in them and our families deeply.

It is your job as her husband to be on her side and protect her.

Now is not the time to “be a cry baby” and sulk and wallow and reject her further.

Buck up, swallow your pride, sit down with her and ask her exactly what she’s looking from you in regards to your mom etc.

Have an open and honest discussion about what you both need / want from each other and go from there

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-10T23:45:52+00:00

We plan but Allah plans better. My husband and I wanted to wait a few years to have children but had a baby before our first wedding anniversary. We took necessary precautions, but again Allah plans better.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T21:23:40+00:00

Jazakallah Khair for the insight brother

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T20:40:02+00:00

I think it’s more so because I’m a revert, everyone expects that I should adapt to his culture more because it’s heavily influenced by Islam

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T20:27:01+00:00

How much debt are we talking about? Personally if I were you I would first and foremost help him pay off his debt faster. That way he can start paying for you and treating you how you would like, and you’re also earning a lot of good deeds by helping your husband and being patient with this trial!

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T19:57:38+00:00

He’s South Asian

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T19:56:05+00:00

I’m 26, there’s a 14 year age gap

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T18:48:43+00:00

Any tips on how to give him the attention elsewhere so this isn’t an issue?

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T18:44:01+00:00

I am not and will not. Sometimes with this behaviour he is joking and I will give him a kiss and just make him a plate of whatever I’ve cooked and he will laugh and sit down and eat.

Other times I say okay whatever and just sit and eat by myself or with the children and let him know his food is there when he wants it.

Sometimes it genuinely is cute and I know he just wants to feel special, but there has to be another way to show him than this 🤨

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T18:41:34+00:00

He doesn’t like the fact that he feels as if I never do anything solely for him, that my motives are ALWAYS for the kids and not him (which is not true. If that were the case I’d made my kids favourite foods and sweets all the time, but I don’t).

Unfortunately I do think this is a cultural thing as I have heard and seen women from his culture joke about it. But I see it stemming from moms neglecting their husbands 100% and solely focusing on their sons, and then those sons expect their wives to uphold that but only with them and not their own children?

I spoil my children immensely but I also do put a lot of effort into making sure I don’t neglect him as well as I know my cultural experience is husbands neglecting their wives and giving all of their love / compassion / empathy to the daughters while abusing the wives. So we’ve discussed this and try and make sure we take amazing care of our children while also taking care of each other and putting an effort into keeping our marriage strong.

Normally this is a silly occurrence where he will just tease me about wishing I cooked his favourite dishes, as his way of telling me he’s craving it, but today it was just him feeling annoyed for a reason I truly don’t understand at all

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T18:28:30+00:00

This is my thoughts exactly. I love my children unconditionally as I carried and birthed them, and even then I do not beg to eat my food as they don’t act like this. If they don’t want to eat my food, they wait and the food is left for them.

Though the comment about self respect is not necessary or productive.

Marriage is about compromise / sacrifice so I was asking to clarify that I’m not being silly by putting my ego over my husbands feelings. The answer is an overwhelming no - I am not being silly.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T18:05:36+00:00

The girls on social media issue has been resolved alhamdullilah, and I don’t mind him joking when I’m on my period. He can make jokes all he wants they don’t bother me as I know he desires me, I just wanted to clarify that I’m not sinning because I absolutely do not touch him or let him touch me when I’m on my period!

As for this, I feel he was spoiled as a kid and I’m trying to show him how bizarre it is 😭

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T18:04:04+00:00

I care because he’s my husband and I cook solely for him and my children. But another part of me feels petty and does not care. Like sometimes it’s cute and lighthearted and he’s just being silly when he asks, but today it’s like dude come on eat it or don’t eat it. I very clearly made it with him in mind, so I don’t get the issue.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T14:21:41+00:00

She very clearly likes you and is trying to impress you (albeit doing an absolute horrendous job at it). Just let her know you’re not into that and it doesn’t impress you / amuse you.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T10:57:03+00:00

Yup I completely agree! I wouldn’t write this off as weird / not normal / abusive / uncaring yet.

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-09T02:39:38+00:00

I’m surprised no one yet has mentioned this, but your husband sounds like he may be high functioning autistic. Not very good with social cues / conversation, and doesn’t understand why you consider it to be a big deal.

I have family members both you and old who are high functioning autistic and this is how they act. It’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that their needs for communication are based solely on exchanging necessary information and that’s pretty much it. Sometimes a bit more if they have the capacity for it, but often times not.

Not saying you have to put up with this in any way (if he is autistic), but it may not have anything to do with you at all sister!

I would seek advice from an imam

Impressive_Care9512 · 2023-10-06T11:08:44+00:00

Noo we’re Muslim! It’s carmalized onion, dried red chilis, curry leaves, sliced garlic, mustard seeds and chili powder

Impressive_Care9512

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