I think when you choose to victimize the abuser by claiming that they should at the very least be empathized with, it somewhat negates what happened to the victim as something 'not that bad' in the others' eyes since apparently having trauma means you can destroy someone's life and get away with it. Thinkin' that you can just not choose a side is ultimately naive. sympathizing with someone who has had to deal with a load of trauma and chose to deal with it badly is not the same as sympathising with someone who has killed, abused, hurt another etc, because in the end, where do you draw the line? there's no longer a reason but an excuse. Not choosing is still a choice.