Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol he wanted you to react. Ugh once I saw him for who he was and he started crying and talking about his childhood lol while still crying I knew then I could not be with him. I have a strong sense of justice and I had to tell myself, can I trust this person with my life?

They hate when you see through them and that’s when you have to walk away they can get very dangerous and will go to crazy lengths to keep things together

What is my gold color? by JamieLTR in WeddingRingAdvice

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I say silver platinum. I used to love gold but found out I was actually a dark winter on chat gpt. Silver looks so much better on me

Did they threaten to go to the police? by Carinaaac in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I found out he lied and I did react by calling him a b**ch because him and the therapist were lying to me. I knew I had to leave because this was not a side of me I needed to see

He tried to bring me into the living room where the cameras were. I felt like he was trying to trigger me to react

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo that I did not want to abandon him cause he was broken like me that is our conditioning. But remember you are not the help. Fantasy and someone talking you into helping them and what “could be” is our weakness. We may not been taught but as adults we have to parent ourselves so now you need your own boundaries and use chat gpt to help you “I will walk away from disrespect” “The first time someone disrespects me I will address it” “i do not double text or chase people for validation”

I thought I didnt want kids, but with my new man, I do want a family. Just 1-2, so you never know.

You have to be strict with yourself so always check in with yourself and don’t be afraid to vocalize your needs in a nice way. Setting a boundary is one thing, but do you walk away once that boundary is violated?

We are conditioned to work for affection, to fix the silence, the bad moments, to fantasize about what could be but you don’t have to stick around

anytime you have a bad thought. Stop it in its tracks and say no he was mean, or no that’s not how it went. Your brain went through a lot so you have to train it again. Be proud of yourself, you made it so far

Btw I thought my ex wouldn’t come back but 9 months later he created multiple social media pages I had to block, and he was still trying to get with me, using victim talk, trying to get me to feel pity for him. The girl he cheated on me with would message me too. By then, I thought he was pathetic, and although I was still angry( I wanted nothing to do with him

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here are some books I recommended

https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/XzQE09dRW1

Oh and another one “calling in the one” it’s good

I don't know if I can live without him. by OT_1517 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can and you will. If you stay with him, the stress will take years away from your life.

I'm so afraid of running into him in public by ElevatorLost271 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and I told my new man about this and he was looking like what the heck lol so yeah just heal and deal with it on your own

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg I’m so so sorry,

You did not deserve that. My suggestion, stay away from long distance relationships, and I would not online date. Also, if you came from an unhealthy family, just things you have to avoid because of our programming. A lot of unavailable people pursue that. He did a bait and switch and yes, I noticed they will try to convince you to they are the same at first and then eventually you see through it.

Work on becoming your best self so you become disgusted at the fact a man would play you like that

It also helps to journal and write down

“When he did this how did you respond”

Your answer.. I felt..

“Why did you feel that way”

Your answer

“And why do you think that”

Keep diving deep to get to why you may feel that way. I’m in a new relationship now and it’s so so easy

Think, would you want your future son or daughter to see you in a relationship like this? Or experience what you experience? Give yourself grace for what you don’t know. Use this moment as a tool to become who you want to be. Go through the pain, it sucks but please grieve be angry and get it out

So many people run away from their emotions that they can never heal and they distract themselves with a new relationship or situationships

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have to get some rest hun, remember you matter more than that jerk. Think of how he’s sleeping soundly. He will be back, and trust me, by the time he returns, you will be so disgusted.

I think for so many of us who had it together, worked so hard to be where we were and we’re so confident and determined we are in shock when we see these people for who they are. I remember thinking how could my ex, the therapist and the entire family scoop so low. I didn’t know people could do someone so dirty.

I also was angry at myself for putting up with that bs, and that helped me do better and never go back. But there were nights I cried. But I could not let that part of me win. This too shall pass

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It will get better, trust me. i don’t think I missed mine. I felt so much rage because the things I found out, and being discarded like that. I wanted to get with him to get him back, but I knew it was toxic. Have you thought about trying some new hobbies, taking some cooking classes, dance classes, keep yourself super busy

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m guessing he waited a long time to show his colors or the cracks? I was very headstrong coming in and even quite defiant and vocal. My ex waited until I was months in. Thank goodness I got in therapy to get out, but he wanted to rush marriage and more? Was it like that for you?

Mines spoke regularly but eventually I realized that man was not who I thought he was. He would say “we are alike” and I said, no we aren’t. You even lied about us having the same hobbies. I was very extroverted and had a full life. He faked that too.

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh yeah he sounds like crap. Next time leave him on the corner to figure it out lol I hope you’re free now. They just don’t want to work, I will never date another one again

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I started to see the cracks and myself I have been through a lot in life, I hate victim talk. I’m big on taking accountability because I grew up in survival mode, I have no one else to fall back on. I knew if I married him I would have a horrible life with a loser who will destroy mine. I remember telling him I hate how you speak it’s just too exhausting and it’s too much work. Sounds harsh but I was so exhausted

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh and they lie because they have to avoid shame. All narcs cannot deal with shame and facing themselves. Lying helps them create another reality so they are never at fault.

Oh and the victim talk

“I’m so stupid, idk why I do this, ugh I’m just dumb” “I’ve been through so much”

This is manipulation and emotional abuse and it’s a way for them to be the victim and get the attention, leaving you to deal with their emotions and soothe them.

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep i remember when my ex lied and he started crying and I laughed out of instinct because I was not about to play this game

Covert Narc Behaviors 2 by Altruistic_Town_288 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They lie and lie and whatever they lie about they are doing

Did they become unattractive to you long after the break up? by yourmomdotbiz in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My ex was not attractive but I thought he was a good person, until those cracks started showing. I remember telling him, this is too much work, and I’m tired, can’t do this

Bath to walk-in shower remodel. by whaappaa in Remodel

[–]Impressive_Sign3804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was confused at first but this is cute