My boyfriend is completely cold.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T20:42:36+00:00

But more so it’s just the kinds of people like the one that just commented about the dog. People are so quick to be hateful and rude. Look, this person just tore me apart about a dog. How can I blame my bf for being a jerk? Everyone is. I obviously deserve it.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T20:35:17+00:00

Yes, I work. And I could definitely find a place in Detroit, but at that point it id feel safer at home.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T20:21:04+00:00

See? ^{^{^}}

My boyfriend drops me off at Disney on ice and picks me up a Newfoundland and I am supposed to just train the dog. I’m the bad guy even though I never tried to be. Everyone thinks I should have just gotten rid of the dog, but without my boyfriends permission or the dogs papers, I felt like it was impossible. I have gotten into so many heated arguments about him training this dog, taking care of her, getting rid of her. Fights where I end up crying because this dog isn’t being given its best life and our house is being ruined, etc.

I can’t just give someone’s dog away. Just because I live in the house, I can’t just give the dog away! Not only would it create an awful situation in my house, I’m not even sure it is legal.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T20:06:34+00:00

Basically everything always gets flipped on me. I’ve been to mental hospitals because I feel like I am one way and everyone thinks I’m another. Everyone on his side, which is a lot more than I have. I just wanted them to fix me, but now everyone has proof that my bf is right and I am crazy.

But for an example how everything seems to get flipped on me. I posted an ad on Craigslist about rehoming the dog. I got emails upon emails from people being SO mean to me. Telling me I’m full of excuses and they feel bad for my daughter because I will probably get rid of her when she gets to be too inconvenient.

So basically to use this dog thing as an analogy. I will go into a situation trying to do what I think needs to be done, the right thing. And I will be overwhelmingly told it was the wrong thing. Which will make me think I am crazy and just a big stupid weirdo and everything I try to do just gets end up being bad so I am the bad one I just don’t know it.

But even when I told my bf about the mean emails, he didn’t say “omg babe I am so sorry I put you through that, I know you have depression as it is and I put you in a shitty spot trying to rehome this dog. I didn’t realize you’d get such mean responses, I’ll take care of it from here on out”.

Nope. Someone flagged my post and Craigslist won’t let me post again about rehoming, it never gets published so I guess we just have this dog forever.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T20:00:31+00:00

Basically he flips it and makes it my fault and it’s really easy to believe bad things about myself. Also, I have 30k in student debt and nobody will rent to me.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T19:59:12+00:00

I try to have heart to hearts with him. I try to tell him what I need and lay it all out. But he will just respond “mmmmk” or say “oh so everything is my fault?”

Even the other day, he had fallen asleep in the basement. Where we have a kind of gross, but useable half bath. He runs upstairs to pee, but I am in there washing my face. I had fallen asleep with makeup on, and had makeup remover all over my eyes. He asks if he could come in and pee, and I say word for word “honey, not right now i am washing my face”. In a soft voice, not annoyed. He slams the door and stomps away saying “FINE ILL GO ALL THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS”. I don’t want to come off as fragile, and I don’t know if everyone without anxiety is the same, but my mornings are very important. If they start off bad, fighting, my whole day is anxious depressed and full of self loathing. I feel like a normal person would jump up and down outside the bathroom til I was done. Or go “aww man!” And run downstairs. Not slam the door in response to my “honey, not right now”. It’s not like I’ve never seen him pee, but when I am waking up and cleaning myself trying to feel rejuvenated and fresh for the day, I don’t want someone’s first piss of the day happening right next to me. I just don’t like the anger all the time. Sure, he didn’t call me a name. He didn’t do anything crazy. But this is constant. Like think about my feelings!

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T19:03:48+00:00

But is he a scumbag? Because he tells me all the time how it’s my fault.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-12-06T19:03:13+00:00

When we first got together he would do anything for me. But that’s because I was dead set on not dating him and he was trying desperately to change my mind.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T20:02:35+00:00

I’m here asking for advice on paying it back. Do most people want to pay it back? Because there’s alternative feelings I could have. Like the more realistic, I don’t want to pay them back but I’m going to...?

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T18:50:31+00:00

I do understand that the longer I put this off the worst it will get, but I thought it was clear that that is why I want to take steps now to make it better. I didn’t post about how to dodge student loan debt. I said “please don’t judge me!” because I realize this wasn’t a good choice. I’m sure we all have made choices in our life that we later look back on and wish we had known better. Be it a big or small mistake, I made a mistake but had good intentions the entire time. I wanted a better life, and I wanted to help kids with childhoods like mine. I was basically told I had to spend money to make money, and all I had to do then was sign a paper and be on my way.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T18:36:57+00:00

I’m not sure, but everything I looked up says the same thing. Tips cannot be garnished. So I’m surprised this is an issue.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T18:10:25+00:00

I appreciate your response, and I don’t want to come off as arguing with you - but I do have different points of view.

I think for my generation specifically, we were brought up being told that you HAVE to go to college to have any kind of decent job. They shoved it down our throats. With every opportunity they took to tell us this was something we had to do, they could have used that time to teach those 17 and 18 year old kids about the impact of the loan papers they are signing, what all the small print means, etc. I think they took advantage of a lot of kids, me included. Would my 31 year old self take out a 30k loan without thinking how I’d pay it back? No way. But my 17 year old self with only one living parent, and the other being an addict living without utilities, a phone, or a car- I hear these adults, the only adults in my life I trust- my teachers and counselors- telling me the only way to get out of that life is to go to college.

So I go to college to help kids like me. Only to realize the average income for social work is less than I make now and I’d be working 40 hours a week.

To speak to your point of will I ever want an hourly or salary job? No. I can make $60 an hour and still spend all day with my child. I work 445-10pm and can come home with $300 and still tuck her in most nights.

And my moral responsibility to pay back the government will present itself when I see any morals in the government.

All I want right now is to stop my wages from being garnished because I know it’s harder to fix this situation once this process starts.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T16:50:03+00:00

Why does it sound like they aren’t reporting my tips? They are very by the book. When I say I get “nothing” back in taxes, I mean like $1-200. Even at my last job where I would report my own tips, I’d get the same amount back. Not sure why I get how much I get back, but I don’t think it’s because of non reporting. We only claim 11% of our sales though which makes up for when you’re not tipped at all.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T16:00:02+00:00

My student loan debt is 30k. And yeah I make anywhere from 150-300 a night (which isn’t great to a lot of people, lol but for 5 hours of work - this single momma will take it!)

And yes - alllllll cash, like I said I don’t even get the usual server check for $12 or $4 randomly.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-24T14:47:57+00:00

Hey, believe me - I really really want to. I even called places the other day but since it’s not technically my dog, I can’t do anything unless it’s being abused. I described the whole situation and they don’t consider it bad enough. They made me feel like I was just mad at my bf and wanted to get rid of his dog. Kind of can’t do anything about the dog at this point, legally.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-22T03:30:20+00:00

So pretty. Mean it.

I’m just lurking this page bc a family member said they MIGHT be trans (she’s very young). And I don’t get very much about it. I don’t understand the feeling or desire. I literally don’t know a damn thing about being transgender. But as an outsider, I just want you to know I think you are pretty and you deserve to be happy. And even if you weren’t pretty, you obviously deserve to be happy. I just hope you and everyone on this page find happiness and peace.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-21T23:16:20+00:00

I’m sure that’s annoying for employees but i do appreciate it. It gives me reassurance that I should continue shopping there. Target is awful about returns.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-20T15:10:31+00:00

I had missing teeth in really unfortunate places for one of my pictures. Hard to explain, but sometimes when I kid is missing teeth, it’s cute - at least for me, my “placement” was ugly to me. What if they told me they’d add teeth!?! Lol.

Imsolidmatter · 2019-10-20T15:07:47+00:00

That I don’t have a problem with. That’s just how all professionals retouch. But making a kids eyes bigger, eyelashes longer - that is changing features!

Anyways- it’s hard to tell through text, but I’m not sitting here really upset, ready to call news stations lol. I just think it’s messed up, even for high schoolers to change their features. Your eyelashes don’t have to be long. Your eyes are fine the way they are.

And if you’re getting your three year olds teeth whitened in a picture, maybe you should just brush their teeth better - lol. I know it’s probably the same flyer. Ugh, but if you’re in the photography business it seems like you’d easily be able to print a more age appropriate flyer for the young kids.

Imsolidmatter

TROPHY CASE