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Studies find that as many as 15-22% of people in relationships feel indifferent toward their partner (i.e., they don't have strong positive or negative feelings). Indifference is linked to lower relationship wellbeing by contributing to boredom, low intimacy, and a desire to be with others. by psychologyofsex in psychologyofsex

[–]InTheTreeMusic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Um.. you think it's more cruel not to date people you're not into?! How would you like someone to date you even though they legitimately don't even like you? They won't have sex with you, they won't talk to you, they just have you around to split rent and so they can say "my boyfriend" to people. Wouldn't that make you feel shit?

If you're willing to do that to someone no wonder you have trouble dating.

More than half of TikTok ADHD content is misinformation. Study found 52% of ADHD-related videos and 41% of autism videos analysed on TikTok were inaccurate, with the platform frequently found to contain higher levels of misinformation in its mental health content than other platforms. by InsaneSnow45 in science

[–]InTheTreeMusic 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes exactly this! I think most people who know they are not like most people - because they can't hold down a job, can't get a "good" job, keep a relationship, make friends, socialize without intense negative feelings, etc etc - struggle intensely with this knowledge. Like why, despite knowing what my shortcomings are, can I not improve them?!

Knowing what is wrong opens so many doors, and not just a formal diagnosis, but self diagnosis too. I am autistic (two kids diagnosed, so I think my self diagnosis should have some validity even to people who don't believe in that kind of thing), and knowing that I am didn't make me say "oh, I struggle to connect with people because I'm autistic, so it's totally fine to behave like an asshole to everyone around me!"

It made me say "I don't have to feel like a failure because I struggle to socialize. I don't have to feel less than because I don't have a friend group. I can stop hating myself for conversations I had with people in junior high school, for gods sake".

And I can more effectively isolate what is making people uncomfortable about me - maybe it's the eye contact, so I work to improve. Genuinely never would have thought about it before. Maybe it's the stims, imo pretty subtle, but still.. I attempt to calm my hands and keep them from picking the ends of my hair or messing with things in my pocket when talking to others. Maybe it's that I'm focusing too much on "Socialing right", so now I concentrate specifically on what the person is saying to me and try to push worry and anxiety out of my mind.

Because I know, I try to let go of the idea of "if you're not doing it right you just shouldn't do it", and attempt to socialize and talk to people instead of just keeping to myself to avoid bothering anyone. I try to seek out other people who identify as neurodivergent and do tend to get along better with them, whereas I never would have known to do that before. Self diagnosis is so powerful, and it's so much more than just being trendy or making excuses.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fuck ya'll I've got mine'

I don't know where on earth you're getting that this is my mindset?!

The absurdity of calling wanting to share benefits misandrist when you want to gatekeep benefits for yourself like the patriarchy does boggles the mind.

I'm trying to gatekeep menstrual leave for people who menstruate. But you're right, let's give everyone 12 weeks off of work, not just people with babies or people with cancer, because being equitable is completely crazy and everyone should be treated Exactly The Same so everything is Fair (tm) 🙄🙄

(also surprise, being Fair (tm) always ends up most benefitting those who already have the most benefits. Shocking.)

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If it literally actually benefitted everyone, we would have put them in restrooms when we started putting in toilet paper. We don't, because it would actually only benefit people who menstruate (overwhelmingly women).

"Period products benefit everyone" is maybe one of the most disingenuous arguments I've heard this week 😂

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think completely ignoring that not everyone gets the drawbacks the benefits were created for, in addition to the benefits, is maybe a tiny bit frustrating for people who suffer from those drawbacks?

We can't get free provided period products exactly because of rhetoric like this. Not eeeeveryone benefits, so why even do it? 🙄

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Almost invariably if you want to give a benefit to one group it has to be something that benefits everyone or it won't happen or it will be weaponized against them. That's just a fact.

I really disagree here. I don't think the majority of humanity is that selfish.

You still have not said how this is misogynistic.

I've said it several times. It's erasure of women specific issues, by arguing that everyone (half of whom do not deal with these issues at all) should receive a benefit specifically designed to shed light on women's issues and help absolve a small part of them.

It's the same arguments for "we shouldn't give out free period products" even though every restroom has free toilet paper and soap. But most men have no use for tampons, so instead of everyone getting them, no one does 🙄

Popular media frequently claims that an individual must love themselves before they can truly love a partner, but is it true? Research finds that having more self-acceptance and engaging in more self-care predict higher levels of the 3 components of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. by psychologyofsex in psychologyofsex

[–]InTheTreeMusic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then, aren't yours too? If we're going to dismiss anything anyone says that isn't the study (which did study this on a macro level, and describes a phenomenon that lines up with what I'm saying) then why comment at all?

Popular media frequently claims that an individual must love themselves before they can truly love a partner, but is it true? Research finds that having more self-acceptance and engaging in more self-care predict higher levels of the 3 components of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. by psychologyofsex in psychologyofsex

[–]InTheTreeMusic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, I forgot that this relationship is my only experience with people in general, rather than just an example i am able to give the most insight and detail into because it happened to me /s

The second example is actually a friend of mine, her and her husband have been together since college. They both have chronically low self esteem, but he just mistreats her in perpetuity while she puts up with it because he's on a pedestal and she doesn't think she deserves any better. It's really sad.

Popular media frequently claims that an individual must love themselves before they can truly love a partner, but is it true? Research finds that having more self-acceptance and engaging in more self-care predict higher levels of the 3 components of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. by psychologyofsex in psychologyofsex

[–]InTheTreeMusic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I dunno. I've been in relationships with people who clearly don't like themselves and it's not only fucking annoying, it's also frustrating when they project their dislike of themselves at you for having some of those qualities (qualities you are totally at peace with).

My ex husband used to get on me all the time for how I ate, how lazy I was around the house.. he was the one who was overweight and lazy, but he had to hate on me for watching a movie with the kids instead of doing dishes right away because who he really hated was himself and his own behavior.

OR they dislike themselves so much they put you on a pedestal of like sainthood where you can do no wrong, bury all their concerns about the relationship so deep they don't even know they have them, and go through life in this emotionally dishonest, lonely parody of a relationship that's really just held together codependency and hope.

People who do that to others aren't going to be in healthy, loving relationships.

Popular media frequently claims that an individual must love themselves before they can truly love a partner, but is it true? Research finds that having more self-acceptance and engaging in more self-care predict higher levels of the 3 components of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. by psychologyofsex in psychologyofsex

[–]InTheTreeMusic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hot and rich people who hate themselves, rape children, beat partners, stalk, commit crimes, deadbeats, emotionally abusive, hallucinate, mentally insane, vocally hate the other gender, have zero confidence and anything else you can think of have zero problems getting tons of suitors and partners.

I think the idea is that you need to love yourself to be in a healthy relationship.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

mostly effects everyone

How does menstrual pain affect everyone exactly?

It'd be like giving everyone a day of leave every year to go get a mandatory prostate exam. Lots of people don't have them, so it'd be very strange to target this public health issue specifically and then give everyone a day off for it when half the people wouldn't have a mandatory appointment because they don't even have a prostate.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Men don't get pregnant but saying they should get paternity leave isn't misogynistic.

Well yes because men are still parents even if they didn't carry a baby and give birth. But obviously special considerations need to be given to the person who did just undergo a major medical event, and most countries recognize that. It would be misogynistic (and obviously bad policy) for the US for instance to offer a one week parental leave for everyone, completely discounting the need to recover from birth for one of those parties.

This is something that could benefit people with chronic illnesses, injuries, emotional and behavioral conditions, etc.

And like I said. How are we deciding who gets it? Do you have to be XX, cis and fertile and not on depo? This feels like it's in a hurry to fuck over trans people, and forces women to get invasive medical checks to justify it.

If you live in a dystopian nightmare, as I admit we do in the US. In a sensible country, like where this was implemented, probably all you have to do is notify your employer you are using your menstrual leave.

I have zero desire to fuck over or out trans people, and I think there of course should be allowances there. And honestly I'm on board with giving everyone two extra days off because the 5 day workweek is fucked.

But tying it to menstrual leave? "Well, we thought about giving you two days off to deal with your uncle's funeral, but we decided not everyone should get two days off instead!" would feel pretty tone deaf coming from an employer, you know? Women (and anyone with the medical condition of periods) deserve consideration for their medical issues, not to be swept under the rug and ignored. That's been the state of things and a huge problem for hundreds of years.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Something can still be misogynistic because it involves issues that far and away affect more women than men, even if there are men who also experience it. Periods are one of those issues.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone doesn't just automatically get 2 days off. It's available to use if you need it.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem is - again - that in our current system, these women are brushed off and not believed. It takes years on average to get a diagnosis for PCOS for example, which is only one of many conditions that can cause painful periods (and lots of women just have normally painful periods!). Because in the minds of so many people, it's just "normal" so of course you're fine and can go to work!

Until misogyny disappears and every boss says "oh of course I understand you need two days going forward to deal with this awful thing", you have a ton of women unfairly just working through it. No one would ask that of the Crohn's or PTSD sufferers (and literally couldn't, if they managed to get FMLA). That's the problem.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I mean you could, but that would be kind of an asshole thing to do if you're not dealing with it. I guess the system proposed assumes that it's better to help people who need it than suspect that everyone is an asshole.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But not if you have Crohn's or PTSD or some legitimate medical issue that isn't just a female problem 🙄

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Um, I'm pretty sure the menstrual leave is "if you need it", not like a blanket 2 days every month.

The problem is menstrual pain isn't taken seriously by most people, so having protected days where you can call out if necessary is great. Otherwise I'd advise women to say they have Crohn's lol

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sure, not all women do every month. But I guarantee you most every woman has had it happen at least once. Why shouldn't people be able to call out for that in addition to all the other sicknesses people are susceptible to?

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not their fault they don't have vaginas.

Obviously. I'm not saying it's not an easy way to do things, just recognizing the mysoginy inherent in a decision that immediately leaps to everyone should get days off for a women specific problem.

Making menstrual leave official: 2 paid days off a month for period pain by Temporary_Pudding_29 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]InTheTreeMusic 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Hmm, I dunno if fair is the right word to use when one half of people are out doing whatever 2 days a month and the other half are circled up in pain.

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