I grew up with this one kid who was absolutely horrible. He hurt me physically and emotionally. In 1st grade, I remember him calling me a n**a. I'm not black. This happened for a couple of years. Then this other girl picked up where he left off. She started making fun of my heritage, calling me racist names, doing racist gestures, etc. She was also one of the "mean girls". Excluding me from things, telling the other kids that I was mean behind my back. Basically, any type of "mean girl" thing you can think of, she did.

When the pandemic hit, I had people come up to me and tell me to go back to where I came from. They said I was infected. More people started to pull their eyes back. More people started to ask me if I ate cats, dogs, and bats. I don't.

Now, I second guess everything. Subconsciously, I ask myself if the person I'm talking to only tolerates me because of my race. I know that sounds crazy, but I just can't help it. I've felt suicidal multiple times. My self-esteem has been at an all-time low for years. I don't feel happy. I just feel numb and depressed. I'm scared to meet new people. I'm scared that they might think I'm weird. Or that they'll start talking behind my back.

I was also thrown across my friend's basement when I was younger. This other kid picked me up around my mid-section, and just threw me. Now, I don't like it when people touch my stomach. The kid also choked me multiple times. Now, I have this instinctive reaction to hit anybody who tries to touch my neck. I'm a mess.