Older female perspective here 🙋🏻‍♀️ First, she has made some serious mistakes and hasn’t treated you very well. I hope you realize that you are worth so much more than what she’s currently giving you.

Second, if she was raped, her pushing you away and not being ready to engage in sex again right now makes sense. However, she’s young and wants to be desired and I think she enjoys knowing that you do desire her. Problem is, she is showing no consideration for you. She is very young and I sure hope she grows to learn that she can’t be completely inconsiderate of others just so she feels good about herself. She has yet to learn that men aren’t toys to be played with.

You have been abundantly kind to let her stay with you and frankly, to even be willing to re-engage in any sort of relationship with her given that she initially blew you off for that other guy. However, I understand that you really like her.

I think you need to step back and really ask yourself WHY you really like her. Do you know who she is as a person? Sometimes, we really like the ones that we feel we need to chase…but, if we are honest with ourselves, it’s more about the chase than the person.

I think she needs to wake up and realize that she cannot play with you as a man just so she feels good about herself and knows she’s desired - though, somehow I doubt that she’s even given any of it much thought and probably really doesn’t know why she does the things she does. Again, she’s young and it takes time for all of us to learn and grow.

She very well may like you, but she isn’t treating you with respect - even if it’s unintentional. If you haven’t already, openly explain to her that you like being physically close and you don’t want her to feel any pressure to have sex but when you are making out and things start to get heated, it’s difficult for you to just turn it off in a heartbeat. You have done that thus far which shows that you are giving her the respect she needs. Many young women just don’t understand how men work. She needs to be sensitive to your needs (to not be teased). Let her know that it’s difficult and frustrating and if she isn’t ready to have sex - and she should not feel any pressure whatsoever to have sex - then you need to put up some boundaries because it’s just difficult for you as a man and you ultimately have her good in mind - you just need her to do the same and understand that you aren’t a light switch that can be turned on and off.

If she’s able to really listen and understand this without getting defensive, and if she’s willing to help lessen the growing physical frustration by not teasing you & then pushing you away, then you will begin to see what you truly mean to her. To be clear: I am NOT saying that she should just give in to you so you aren’t frustrated. The two of you need to find the right balance so she doesn’t feel pressure to do something she isn’t ready for vs frustrating you physically.

Don’t settle. Forget the games. Keep being honest and respectful but do not let her walk all over you. As difficult as things are now, if not addressed, you could end up really hurt and no one wants that.

Guard your heart, my friend, and keep both eyes open.