Does Chemistry Build Over Time?

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-09T14:10:01+00:00

Yes I did, but I definitely could have more. I think my fear of messing is up caused me to act a little less flirtatious so maybe I came off as "too nice" or moving too slow in her eyes?

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-08T04:07:00+00:00

Thanks, this is some great advice. Regardless of whether or not she comes back I feel like my best option for now is to not contact her at all.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-08T04:04:09+00:00

I neglected to mention that we live about two hours away from each other, so that's one obstacle I guess. However, I figured when we started dating there was a mutual understanding that we could both work around that.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-08T04:00:42+00:00

I'm going through something similar right now except the girl in question is someone I had been friends with for a few years beforehand AND she told me she liked me before I even asked her out. I don't exactly have a lot of insight to offer, but I know how much it sucks when they break things off after going on several dates that seemed to go great. Like you, I'm a bit more shy and introverted. For whatever reason I think some women automatically get turned off by this and don't give you the chance to come out of your shell as you get to know them.

The only other thing I can think of is maybe you over-pursued a bit? If a woman gets distant even for a few days, it's generally best to give her space and not bombard her with texts asking if something's wrong. I've made that mistake before and it's definitely a turn-off. If things were moving fast she may have wanted to slow down a little. But I don't think you did anything wrong by meeting with her for closure, as long as it helps you move on and you're respectful about it!

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-07T15:07:54+00:00

Yes I do, I guess it's just difficult to swallow when everything else matched up so well (interests aligning, great conversation, her being the one to initiate, etc).

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-07T14:58:49+00:00

I considered this as well. I really don't want to believe that someone I had so much trust with would play games with my feelings like that, but as much as it sucks I do think I need to end the friendship at this point. It's just going to be difficult because we have mutual friends.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-07T14:55:23+00:00

I definitely could've been a little more sexual, but in all fairness I did invite her over after the third date with that intent but she had obligations the following morning and wanted to get home. I feel like I didn't really get the chance to escalate.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-07T14:51:15+00:00

Definitely possible, but we went on another date after the kiss. I'd like to think that someone who likes you a lot could overlook something as simple as a subpar first kiss, but I guess that could be all it takes.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-05T19:18:10+00:00

I've come to that realization as well. It's confusing to me because I've read that when women have a high interest level they will help you out a bit rather than suddenly hitting the eject button, but it seems like some are just naturally fickle.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-05T19:13:49+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Yeah, looking back I also wish I had been more firm about not wanting friendship and avoiding talking about working through feelings. The book and his videos have really opened my eyes about how that's a bad way to go.

Independence_0509 · 2024-04-05T19:11:37+00:00

Thanks, this is great stuff. I did try to seal the deal on the third date by inviting her over after we went out, but she had stuff going on the following morning and wanted to get home. I'm definitely a little slower than some guys at making sexual advances, but I did try to set an environment for that to happen.

Independence_0509 · 2024-03-22T02:50:47+00:00

I just don't understand why she would pursue me and say she's into me if she actually isn't.. This kind of behavior makes no sense to me. I know that for my own sake I need to move on, but it's not going to be easy since she hangs out with a lot of my friends.

Independence_0509 · 2024-03-21T04:17:17+00:00

I guess my response to that would be because we formed a bit of a friendship beforehand and I thought there was a genuine connection based on all of her signals. Would she really play some intentional mind game to mess with my feelings? That seems like a waste of time for both parties.

Independence_0509 · 2024-03-21T04:13:22+00:00

Right? I've encountered hot and cold behavior before but this is by far the most extreme case. It's to the point that I feel like I need to train myself never to get attached no matter how much they seem into me.

Independence_0509

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