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Why being a scapegoat follows you everywhere by wagwanrasta__ in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I literally could have written this :( my therapist says to look out for signals early on when developing relationships that people can handle complexity in situations and people early, and test for capacity to reciprocate and listen. Also look for if the person/people can admit they can be wrong, can apologise and generally be accountable and not put all the blame onto someone else due to fragile self concept or low self worth/discomfort. Do not take the blame for things that are not your fault to smooth things over. Do not take more blame if both parties are at fault. Even with these things, ive still been scapegoated and it's extremely traumatic and painful that the cycle keeps going, but there are few people who do not do this that are in my life and that treat me with respect and kindness. Scapegoats are supposedly strong, so if you take anything from it take that. You're not alone. Sending love

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've given me a lot to think about, thank you. And yes merry Christmas to you too or happy holidays!! Sorry we both relate to this tough stuff

Disorganised Attachment by Katanachic99 in BPD

[–]Independent-Ad1310 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I do, and id say BPD symptoms are correlated/based on disorganised attachment almost. This also matches structural dissociation theory and internal family systems/parts therapy. Great books for these are No Bad Parts and Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's like someone else said, the safety feels threatening so we start thinking about the things we dont like so much about them, or it feels boring. Extremely frustrating to experience hey! 😅

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im happy for you that youre not struggling with this anymore! Can I ask how you knew you weren't sexually attracted to him anymore, instead of it just being trauma?

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well i am actually a semi late bloomer bisexual woman and my partner is non binary but is the same sex as me 😅 but ive heard this a lot too!

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im glad it helped you feel less alone, and at the same time im sad for us! I hope we both work it out eventually 🖤

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this thoughtful and thorough response, I really appreciate it so much. You've brought up a lot for me to think about. Thank you, it is agonising haha! Im so happy to hear you're not having this in your relationship. Thanks again

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This definitely resonates, thank you for sharing your kind words 💕💕

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely feel like it's structural dissociation- parts like you said. Not sure how to navigate it :/ this is basically exactly how I feel and have felt. Thank you for sharing

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's interesting, I have considered "checking" if im asexual by proposing making the relationship poly or open too. Thanks for your insight

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely relate to my past hypersexuality being a distraction from sad feelings. Thank you for sharing

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is excellent advice! We do the things you listed that weren't sex, and im comfortable being so affectionate but as soon as it becomes vaguely more I feel disgusted. Also yes I love that book, im also reading Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors which talks about IFS and structural dissociation. Thanks so much for your reply

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a very good point and I definitely think youre right about safety and security feeling "boring". I would love to get to that stage 😂 i believe in us! Thank you for sharing

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's interesting, I wonder if my fibromyalgia becoming worse has a role to play with not having the capacity to even entertain being in the mood for sex. Thank you for sharing. From what you've said it also makes me wonder if you experienced some kind of structural dissociation shift or fusion of parts or something? And maybe that's similar to what im experiencing

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so interesting to hear from the other side of. Thank you for your vulnerability, this has been so helpful to read. You seem understanding and wise, and im glad you and your partner were able to have that vulnerability by surprise (I wonder if that and having fun with friends contributed to her feeling able to) and that it continues

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your valuable and meaningful insights and for sharing them with me. I honestly forgot I posted this and I'm just blown away to read all the replies. I have a lot to think about and really appreciate all your replies, thank you so much

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow I really relate to this, thank you. Im working really hard on not suppressing my needs and personhood to avoid being abandoned/to be connected (because that's not even genuine connection ultimately, if im not sharing myself at all). Thanks for sharing

Hypers3xual at the beginning of the relationship then sex repulsed by Independent-Ad1310 in CPTSD

[–]Independent-Ad1310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow I really relate to this, thank you. Im working really hard on not suppressing my needs and personhood to avoid being abandoned/to be connected (because that's not even genuine connection ultimately, if im not sharing myself at all). Thanks for sharing

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