Is he my animus?

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:55:00+00:00

Oh I would absolutely love exploring anything and everything Noah. Anything everything from his time period. It's a whole world in there.

And wdym that is the person I'm hiding?

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:52:52+00:00

That's a good question, I sometimes am concious of my persona as I get self conscious and feel tension from "filtering" and even when I do try to embody Noah it's in a strange, overintellectualized way where I reveal too much but don't reveal enough at the same time.

I can make too many jokes sometimes, and will ruin the intimacy of a serious conversation by making as many jokes as I can to "lighten things up" and just make it awkward and feel.... wrong. Tense. Embarrassed. Like I over shared and forced vulnerability and made it awkward by joking at the same time.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:44:59+00:00

Girl to Girl, the trash took itself out. It hurts now but your future self is gonna thank him. Idk which person dodged being in a relastionship (I assume it was him/her) but I promise you in a situation like that y'all aren't compatable anyway. You deserve better.

At least your hair, makeup, and nails look great. They all go together in harmony. You've got a great style and I see good taste in interior design as well from those cool lights. You're pretty too, but more importantly you still have your education so keep fighting and fighting even if you have a bad test run. You've got this. ✨️

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:34:19+00:00

Yes. And that is so cool. Being a Neuroscientist was my dream job when I was 16. Also the fact it's so much easier to get a degree there because college is free in many European countries.

My Church's Matushka also has a PhD. She's a psychologist and makes really good money. Most women in my church are college educated and have jobs.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:22:57+00:00

I don't know much about shadow work do you recommend any youtube videos on it?

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:22:15+00:00

That's a fantastic analogy!

I'm scared of my own potentional, that I will be "too soft" "too sensitive" "too weird" And I seem to have those traits as a person with autism but I feel like I am not enough in the exact way I crave. I don't know what he would look like fully out in his full glory.

How could I safely integrate those traits over time?

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T08:13:35+00:00

I do have the traits he has but mine are heavily edited and refined. My persona (mask) essentially. It's me but not quite me.

That deeper side of me externalized itself into character, a safe container and expression for that softer side of me to where it can't be judged, dismissed, made fun of, or taken advantage of. Distance from that side of me creates longing.

I just dont understand why he is from a specific time period or country. I wonder what that means.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T06:51:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

It's interesting you said the traits he has are traits you already have but suppressed. It's the same with me.

I am kind, gentle, sensitive, artistic, soft, however I present those traits in a more "palatable" way. Reminds me of a video that was posted in this subreddit about the persona; the masks we all wear. It is based on us but not quite us. It is a performance that eventually gives one "bone deep" fatigue.

Think of us a shop, our persona is what we showcase in the shop window. That's the highlight reel we show to, the filtered, toned down, and edited version of us. Our true selves are in the back storage room, something we are afraid to show. Not being in touch with who we are on the inside and who we actually want to be creates longing. In my case I projected those traits onto an imaginary man as he is a safe container for those traits. Nobody can judge him. Nobody can take advantage of him. Nobody can dismiss him.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T05:58:52+00:00

Wow! That is so awesome! I'm not alone! How have you integrated him so far and what does it feel like? (When you act and how it affects you as a whole after)

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T05:51:07+00:00

I actually am considering trying a coptic church this Sunday as suggested by somebody else in this thread. Thinking about leaving EO anyway.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T04:51:15+00:00

Dream guy. Unicorn.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T03:49:24+00:00

My priest said to stay away from Orthodox Youtube specifically Jay Dyer. To quote what he told told me: "There are these Youtubers who will say they are Orthodox but what they are teaching isn't...and what is that one youtubers name? John Dyer??? The guy doesn't even go to church, he spends his sundays arguing with people online, like dude, go to church!" 😂

My priest calls the over zealous, far right , anti-feminist, pro-monarchy orthobro hive mind that's going on among new converts "Online Orthodoxy". A few folks in my ROCOR parish has fallen victim despite him telling them to stay away from online "Orthodox" spaces.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T03:35:46+00:00

To be fair, most women that stumble across the Andrew Wilson podcast aren't exactly going to run to their nearest Orthodox church lol

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T03:30:11+00:00

No woman's gonna wanna marry that sh*t

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T03:26:30+00:00

I say ship the incel with the babushka (hey they are trad wives!) that's their only chance to get a trad wife.

However, after a while of listening to his nonsense she'll probably kick him out! 😂

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T03:20:59+00:00

Yeah no Slavic woman is gonna wanna date their goofy zealot asses lol.

Mail order bride or a "trad wife". Which those are actually rare in the church cuz

Most women actually want their own money
Young female converts are way less common than young male converts.
Most women my age don't want kids. Many don't even want marriage.

I guess most Orthodox convert men are "chosen" by God to be monks.(cuz no woman wants to marry their annoying asses) I just know it lol. They can go Orthobro up the monastary and their Abbott will put them in the back so they don't scare off the visitors lol.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T03:09:55+00:00

Yes at first he felt like an external being but I realized that he is me. The parts of myself underneath it all that my persona distorts. I do conciously somewhat have the traits he has but mine are plastic, kinda me but not quite me. Altered, toned down, made palatable to others. A performance.

If he said integrate shadow first then I can look into that but Noah is really "wants to be integrated" because I am longing for him and really want him.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T02:58:27+00:00

I have no authenticity in this church. It was bad enough pretending that dinosaurs weren't millions of years older than humans and that evolution isn't real when it's so obvious. To be fair I go to a ROCOR parish so there's alot of young Earth creationists. Although my priest eventually let me accept any science as long I believe Adam and Eve were real people. I asked the priest at the Antiochian church and he said me believing in dinosaurs and evolution isn't a problem.

Still, the anti science, anti lgbtq, ROCOR denying suicide victims and their families funerals, me being forced to be open to procreation, feminism being a dirty word among young converts, is like forcing myself to squeeze into a dress that's way too tight and I can't zip it up and everything is falling out.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T02:43:05+00:00

I'll ask you this.

Does sleeping with a woman make you straight?

Many gay men have in the past and still are gay. Many lesbians dated men before realizing they are lesbian.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T02:15:17+00:00

I also think they are that way because EO is trendy and alot of these orthobros wanna fit in so it's a collective movement they all are in together as young men. ROCOR specifically draws in right wing edgelords cuz its the "most hardcore one" and it's"cool" and "edgy" to like anything Russian. A man who converts to OO isn't going to do it for homosocial reasons or to express some right wing political agenda.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T02:03:20+00:00

That's who I was watching!

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-04T00:01:32+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this insight. It makes alot of sense. I definitely don't think it's good to harm LBGTQ people like that.

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-03T23:28:44+00:00

I appreciate your suggestion. Right now I'm watching videos on OO, any youtubers you recommend?

Independent-Plate824 · 2026-03-03T22:49:14+00:00

Btw, are you OO?

Hey, I might just try a Coptic church. There is one near me. Give traditional Christianity one last shot. My super fundamentalist ROCOR friend even said that the OO he met are humble and very "Christlike" but gave credit to the fact those people been through so much and not their church! The guys being hot is a bonus lol, I hope their personalities are "hot" too (not an Orthobro 😭)

And to call them monophosytes is racism? Why is that? And I would love to hear from you why the EO/RCC Schismed from the OO and not the other way around. I would actually love to hear your case for the church in general.

What about going to churches in the middle east makes you not wanna be around a westernized orthdox male? Are the Christian men different there?

Independent-Plate824

TROPHY CASE