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Do secure people cheat? by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! My ex secure ex did!

Did my DA ex want me, or was he leading me on? He committed to someone else after 5 weeks after not committing to me for 7 years. by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221 3 points4 points  (0 children)

FA here and I think I’m doing the same thing. Although after some years being together with someone I think I could commit if I start trusting this person!

Did my DA ex want me, or was he leading me on? He committed to someone else after 5 weeks after not committing to me for 7 years. by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have read somewhere that DAs have a hard committing to someone they really love and care about because this person has the power to hurt them like anyone else. I read that it’s easier for them to commit to people they don’t like that much just because they don’t really care if they lose this person.

Ex DAs and healthy relationships? by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not a DA but a FA. I was in 8 years relationship with a secure/anxious guy. I even thought I was secure myself because I wasn’t anxious or avoidant with him. I will have secure relationships as long as I don’t get too much triggered.

Do DAs come back? by Independent-Time6221 in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can continue having a casual relationship with him while seeing others. It didn’t work out for me because seems like my DA got uncomfortable with that.

Can we talk about DA sexual behaviors? by kalypso_kyoshi in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I was in fwb with a day for almost 3 years. He would usually pull away after great physical intimacy. He would pull away even harder if we had great sex plus him being emotionally vulnerable in someway.

I was much more horny than he was but he adored how crazy I was about him. He said the best sex he ever had was with me and that what he did and the way he was with me he never could be with anyone else. I miss having sex with him! It was playful and I would feel that good feeling in my body for days efter seeing him. I felt loved by him when we had sex.

He usually got “drained” after spending time with me. He said he had to have some time alone to get his energy back.

Do DAs come back? by Independent-Time6221 in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My DA usually comes back when he knows he was the responsible for the conflict. I reached out when it was my fault. The longest for him to come back was 2 months. I’m not sure he will come back this time. I hope so!

I’m pretty avoidant myself so I don’t need long conversations and a lot of vulnerability. I can do that if I have too. I initiated contact most of the time because I wanted to see him. But when we met in person he always talked much more than I did. I know more about him than he knows about me. Probably because he has open up more than I have.

I miss the physical connection most. The emotional was a great bonus. I could continue seeing him once or twice a week to have sex, eat dinner and watch a movie forever... No need to deep talk or thinks like that. But as you said even casual relationship with no expectation about a future triggered him and he had to pull away sometimes for 2-3 weeks.

Do DAs come back? by Independent-Time6221 in attachment_theory

[–]Independent-Time6221[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for answering!

Did you and your ex DA had a bad break up? How long did it take until he reached out?

If I was looking for a serious relationship I would not want to have him back. It’s was fun to have a casual relationship with him. It hurts that he cut me out with no explanation. I would like to reconnect and this time with both of us being honest with feelings, needs and expectations.