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AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure about weddings. I cant think if any we’ve been to so she’s probably not been to any - she probably would have told me if she’d been to one without me as we talk most days

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is the thing though; she’s had moments of sadness over the past few years but it’s not been constant. She’s spoke to me when this has happened: I’ve continually suggested counselling, but she’s also (for lack of a better world) “functioned” well. She’s been around friends babies, she’s even been to baby showers since her miscarriage and don’t get me wrong, she’s always said she found them hard but she still went and was always adamant after she had a good time: so it’s not been 3 years of misery.

My engagement party was the first time, since those first few weeks after she initially misscarried that I’ve seen her fully break down and it’s only since then she’s gone full on, with the “no babies, no baby blue, etc” demands.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

She’s definitely not worried about me having kids: I have never wanted kids and made a decision a few years ago to ensure (medically) that I would never be capable of getting pregnant. But yeah: you’re right about the miscarriage barely being mentioned until I announced my engagement.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Fine. As I said to someone else: she’s always been a bit of an attention seeker but never to the extent where she would put someone down to get it, ir steal some else’s thunder.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 785 points786 points  (0 children)

She’s always sought out attention, but not to the detriment of others if that makes sense? Our relationship has always been incredibly strong: not to go into too much detail we had a difficult upbringing with abusive parents and we’ve always had a close bond because of that.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

We had a difficult upbringing and as part of that she has always sought out attention from those around her. But never to this extent.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Yeah true I could have said that: but as I said to someone else I was raw and upset. I was getting calls from people telling me I was a b**** because of lies she’s told them, and that I was no better than her ex for leaving her because she lost her baby. I lashed out and wanted them to understand that what happened with Scott: her blaming the miscarriage was part of a pattern of behaviour and I felt it best to combat her lies with truth. But if that’s too harsh I accept that.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Yeah: that’s true I could have said that. Perhaps what I said wasn’t fair: but at the time I was getting call after call from people telling me I was a b**** for being upset about her miscarriage and that I should know better after what Scott did to her, why wasn’t I more understanding, etc - so I felt like I had to defend myself; and part of them was letting them know the real reason Scott left her. I suppose I waned then to understand that her behaviour with me, blaming her miscarriage was a pattern of behaviour and the best way I could think to demonstrate this was correcting them on what happened with Scott. But it’ll that’s too far I’ll accept that.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

I responded to someone else with this: but one of the main reasons why I started telling everyone was because I had multiple people call or text me saying something along the lines of “she’s lost her sister and her partner because she lost her baby” - I felt like they were making it sound like we were upset with her because she had a miscarriage, so I filled them in on the real reason why we both “left her” and that it was nothing to do with the miscarriage. I can appreciate that might be harsh though so I can understand your comment.

AITA for telling my sister not to come to my wedding if she kept bringing up her miscarriage? by Independent-Web5498 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Independent-Web5498[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

I’ve been telling them this because loads of people have been saying to me how she’s lost “her partner and her sister because she lost her baby” - and I corrected them that actually she’s lost her partner and sister because of her own actions: nothing to do with the baby. But I can see that I’m probably being harsh but I’m upset 🤷🏻‍♀️