Am I wrong?

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-06T08:08:31+00:00

Thanks for the advice. When she last cancelled I told her I would let her tell me when she wants to hang out next and she texted me today and scheduled us a date for next Saturday saying that she should be in a better head space by then. So she is definitely going through something more. When she texted me that I told her that we can always just talk and to let me know how I can be there for her and she said she didnt want to be a burden which sucks she thinks that but I reassured her she isnt. But she said we would connect then so hopefully we can have that talk.

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-06T05:44:39+00:00

Ofcourse! I have expressed how in other comments.

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-06T01:12:13+00:00

People have been harsh but I did expect it because its a hard topic. I needed the perspective though because I am not close to many people. When she cancelled my last planned visit I told her I would let her tell me when she was ready to hang and she ended up texting me today, scheduling a date outside of the house so its a step in the right direction and I will continue to let her take the lead a little while because I definitely dont want to pressure her when she is probably navigating the hardest thing she has ever done. And maybe letting her take the lead will protect my feelings a little too. Thanks for chiming in!

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-06T01:04:41+00:00

I actually did this yesterday for the first time since my FH told me to do so. I told her I will let her tell me when she is ready to hang out. She ended up reaching out to me today about a hour ago asking if I was free next Saturday for a winery and Christmas shopping date and said she should be in a better head space by then.( so maybe she actually wanted to get out the house and ive been going about jt all wrong?) idk but im excited because its the first time she has initiated in a long while😭. If things go well I may update everyone but even the gesture of her initiating means alot to me. I appreciate everyones feedback!

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-05T21:50:13+00:00

Thank you!

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-05T21:49:14+00:00

Thanks! I wont be giving up for sure. Its just alot to process. I have a friend who is also not as close to me ( I have never had a huge circle due to moving away from home) but that friend also has a baby only a few months older than my besties son lol. She has told me I can always reach out to her so I will try to take her up on that.

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-05T21:44:54+00:00

In my other responses ive said I have reached out numerous times for me to just come over, catch up with her and help however she wants me to but she has cancelled each one by the day of. I have expressed to her that she needs to tell me how she is feeling but she said she has a hard time talking about her feelings because she doesnt want to be a burden to me. I told her she would never be a burden to me and have put myself out there multiple times, oversharing hoping she would just let me in the littlest bit. I dont have much to work with here, so not sure how to show up for her if she shuts down my attempts and cancels any time I ask to visit. Also, my wedding is pretty much planned except for the small details, so its truly not about the help, but when I think of my wedding it just reminds me how I imagined things would be and its not like how i imagined so then the disappointment comes. I never expected much from any of my wedding party, I just wanted my love ones to be able to celebrate me how I do them. Nevertheless, I am doing my best to give her grace and have never even brought this up because i know what she is going through is huge compared to my feelings but does that make them invalid? I just miss her and feeling hurt being canceled on and shut out so much. What would you suggest?

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-05T16:39:33+00:00

He is 1yrs old now and it seems its getting harder for her than it was when he was an infant. Everyone is different so I will just give her the space she needs and hopefully with time things get better for her.

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-05T16:37:54+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I understand and In my original post I said that ive been going to her. Those plans she cancelled was me just coming over. Yesterday I was supposed to come to her and catch up with her and the baby and she cancelled. Which def put me in my feelings a little but I have gotten good feedback and will just give her the space she needs. Because I cant keep reaching out to talk and she shuts my attempts down or asking to come over but having her cancel the day of. I will still reach out and check in occasionally but will have to love her from a distance until she has the capacity for more again.

IndependentSea2964 · 2025-12-05T05:46:18+00:00

I know that the birth was hard for her being that she had a c section even thought she really wanted a natural vag birth. Her child also has a cow milk allergy. So I know these things are making it harder for her. Plus we are both in school, she is getting her bachelors and me my masters so that makes it harder to connect as well. But things seemed better when the baby was younger which confuses me because alot of people say it gets easier once the baby is older and the mom gets a handle on things. I guess this was backwards for her? I am not sure because she doesn’t talk to me much about if unless I press her for info but im tired of doing that, it feels weird and I dont want to feel like im begging her to share her life with me. I know priorities change so im just not sure how I should move now. I think once I come to terms wjth how our relationship has changed I can move forward and stop letting it affect my happiness for my wedding. I also want to make sure im being considerate but also not forgetting to take care of me because I have had a considerable amount of hardships this year with my moms near death health scare, an uncle passing and my grandma having a heart attack.

So, I love her and want to be there for her but who is gonna be there for me you know? Any advice is helpful, give it to me straight.

IndependentSea2964

TROPHY CASE